Kazuchika Okada, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Tetsuya Naito and the Heel-In-Peril: Half-Baked Wrestling Innovation

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

KISS & Motley Crue Concert: Why I am a Carny and Proud of It

Hey yo,

The first two offensive plays of Michigan Football I saw this season were an amazing run by Denard and then an interception. I think that sums up Michigan’s offense for the past 5 years now.

Im willing to bet $20 this throw ended up being an interception.

In true Carny fashion, my next blog will not as promised include Hulk Hogan. It will instead be a comparison between Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko and Ultimo Dragon from WCW crusierweight division hey-day.  It is about time I learned the difference between a plancha and a tope. 

I attended the Motley Crue & KISS concert this past Sunday and I am glad to report that Carny bullshit is still alive and well. In a corporatized, watered-down world, Crue and KISS still fly their Carny Freak Flag High. (pun fully intended though apparently Gene Simmons is a life-long Straight Edger) I am not upset one iota.  As a total Carny mark, I am glad that there are still metal bands with gimmicks. Crue and KISS were just that good at this dying breed of art. The Treatment, a British sleeze band, opened them and sounded surprisingly really friggin good. There were a couple of songs I thought would have been hits in 1987 or so. Their closing song, “Shake The Mountain” gave Nate and me plenty of material for jokes through the night describing a girl’s ass as a mountain is hilarious to me at least. Motley Crue is the first band that I have seen for a second time live and I have to say they totally outdid themselves.

I had to have some hot babes...O wait that is Motley Crue. Damnit Conned again!!!! Damn you CRUE!!!!

The big difference seemed to be a much healthier Mick Mars, who plays some of the most low-down, nastiest guitar licks ever and live they seem just that much more filthy. Mars is one of the best live guitarists because he never plays the songs as an exact replica from the studio album. I have heard the studio album before a million times and I do not need to hear it again. Mars adds a lot more value to the experience by changing his tone and adding flares to his work. His guitar solos were a personal highlight as it felt like Eddie Van Halen meets New York Dolls just wicked buzzsaw guitars. Tommy Lee made his mark by not just bringing back his 360 Drumcoaster, but also playing a dubstep-flared drum solo that grooved like no other. That’s the exact thing, I have heralded about Crue, is their desire to always evolve with the times, but never lose the Crue sound and edge. Was Vince spotty and at times did he sound like a chipmunk? Sure, but that is part of the rawness and edge of the concert. I am a much bigger Crue fan than I am a KISS fan so I was worried that KISS just would not live up to the hype.

Boy, was I wrong. The best part of KISS was that they did every tried and true gimmick from the 70s in 2012. I can understand if you are my Dad’s age and had seen this repeatedly and it bores you. However as a fan in 2012, who is seeing KISS for the first time, I was so excited to see all the cool gimmicks live. Gene breathing fire during Firehouse, drooling blood and ascending to the heavens for God of Thunder, the ending of Black Diamond, all made it seemed like you were watching an authentic KISS show from 1976, it just happened to be in 2012. The most unintentionally hilarious part was Paul Stanley’s speaking voice, which sounds like Jewish Grandma from Brooklyn. Such quotes as “Good people! Good People of the Congregation I want to sing you with me!” and “I want everyone to get real crazy right now because I want to take a picture with all” were enhanced by the fact it sounded like somebody’s grandmother was in KISS.

Chief Purveyors of Carny Bullshit

The best part of the whole, combined shows was the carny attitude both bands maintain. I am not just talking the whole incredible production of dancers on stilts, a drumcoaster, fire-breathing, a shit ton of pyro, flames, raised platform, enough make-up to make most hookers feel underdress, I am talking about how the band carried itself and how they talked. When Paul Stanley said, “I just bought this song on iTunes, today. I am in the KISS army. I support the band” I loved it and not just because it sounded hilarious. It was absurdly disingenuous. You know he has been saying that from day one of the Tour, but he is still up there hocking the shit at you. It is terrific Carny BS. Or when Paul made sure to include Providence, RI or made sure he noted “To all you way in the back, I can hear you and feel you.” The cynical may think “Sheesh yeah right”, but deep down that Carny Bullshit has a semblance of truth because it does take all of us to sell-out and a packed arena makes him feel just as young as the fans who need the KISS show to feel young again. Without that packed arena, KISS is just like a bunch of other washed-up rock bands. So for Paul to say that to us is the verbal recognition of the truth that he does need everyone of us. It is one of the great mutualistic symbiotic relationships. KISS, Crue and the fans teleport each other to 1983 and a true escape of mortality can be achieved. That is Carny Bullshit transcends all Carny Bullshit because the Con becomes the mark for his own con. Wait, didn’t I pay $72 for this concert? O yeah, I am still the mark.

Every carny has to have his gimmick. Mine are just BIGGER!

I will never be able to fully describe it, but I like a slight bit of disingenuousness, I like gimmicks, I like larger than life, outrageous characters. Of my own generation, I have to say I am probably in the minority when it comes to these things. Part of it is that people want to relate to characters rather to aspire to be characters. Part of it, I have reasoned that it is most people simply do not like to be duped. Part of it is that they do not like the idea of their entertainment being smarter than they are. The ultimate reason that has rendered Carny Bullshit as a dying art is that people HATE disingenuousness. People want to be sitting with their metaphorical “dick in their hand” wondering is what I saw real or fake? Am I laughing with him or at him? Should I feel stupid or stupefied? However, once that question has been answered and the con exposed, most people turn violently on the con.  Why feel stupid when instead you can mock the Carny from your Pedestal of Enlighment? “You like that?!?!?!? Don’t you know it is fake!!!!” laughing all the way home in their moment of superiority. That is the key, they hate the slight disingenuousness of it being passed off as real. Me, that is what I love.

People think if you pay money to the con that you are the mark, you are gullible and that is a weakness. I rather evaluate the Carny on the merits of whether his gimmick entertains me rather than its validity.  So all you Carny haters, you can have your self-righteous smugness, instead I am going to keep my ear-to-ear smile. KISS and Motley Crue was the most fun I had at a concert because they delivered the one half of two most important human essentials: Circus.

As for the Bread, I have always been amazed by the amount of FAITH atheists have.

BROCK ROCKS~!

Hey yo,

I have been fighting against this becoming a wrestling-dominated blog. However, it is time to take this ship into shore and throw away the oars FOREVER~! because I cant fight this feeling anymore.

It takes way too much effort to produce a cogent blog that actually constructs a point and leaves the read feeling elucidated on a more universal subject. I have had two ideas rolling around in my head: How Usain Bolt would be perceived if he was American or Chinese/Russian? Is modern entertainment stifled by self-awareness? The problem is I have these good nuggets of ideas. I think Bolt given his incredibly self-assured, cocky demeanor would be less popular in America if he was American and would be outright hated if he was Chinese/Russian. However, as interesting as this nugget is and I would assuredly flesh it out better if I had someone to talk about it with, I do not have the time to write a compelling piece on this subject. I am pretty much basing this on how most American sports fans want their athletes to behave and a Bob Costas snide swipe at Bolt. I would actually have to do research and gauge the current feelings towards Bolt. Then find a Bolt doppelganger that is from America and from other foreign countries. Similarly, I feel that many pieces of art are falling prey to “their reach outstripping their grasp” because of a self-conscious to construct an epic. This would require me to become a critic of different eras to actually back-up my theory and Goddamnit, Martin Fuck in Cuddy does not do anything half-ass.

With that in my mind, the number one thing I do full-ass is watch wrestling and lots of it. I digest it well and I feel I analyze it a lot better than most of the clowns out there. Some of those clowns have parlayed their reviews into book deals, radio shows and wrestling newsletters. If I can get paid to write about wrestling, then sign me up. If it does not turn out that way, then what the hell at least I had fun.

The first match I will review (pay attention kiddies, this is going to be a trivia question, one day) is an encounter that when I finished watching I thought it would be very polarizing on how it was received on the net. Much to my dismay, it was not polarizing as much as it was incredibly loathed. Well consider the following its defense.

Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs Triple H
Summerslam 2012 Los Angeles, CA

The Marquee

My brother and I were on the fence about ordering Summerslam for the third time in four years. Given Lesnar’s unique performance earlier in the year against Cena, we decided in favor of ordering plus there was a match between family favorites Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho we wanted to see. Unfortunately, that match for a myriad of reasons did not live up to expectation. However for the main event, my family was left very satisfied with the performances of both men. The internet was not so kind to the match deemed “slow, disjointed”, “an uneven effort”, “booked too even”, “too formulaic, Brock dominated then hit the finish” and “that Brock looked too much like an ordiniary wrestler and HHH did not bump well for him”. Was this bout the Match of the Year? No, but I think it was in the top handful of matches from WWE this year. As you can see from some of the purported criticisms, the critics are even fighting amongst themselves with what’s wrong with the match.

Brock Lesnar's wife, Sable (Rena Mero) circa 1998

The story going into this match was that Brock Lesnar had broken HHH’s arm and quit the WWE over not meeting his contractual obligations. Paul Heyman acted as Brock’s agent and did a serviceable job (at times, very good, his post-Summerslam promo was his best yet in this role) as his mouthpiece. After some goading and lackluster booking, the match between the WWE, legendary, rugged stalwart (HHH) and the bully invader (Brock) was booked. For extra heat, Brock broke Shawn Michaels’ arm sending HHH into a tizzy. Helmsley stressed to the official that under no circumstances was he to stop match for anything other than a pinfall or submission because he wanted a true finish to this match. Thus making the match a de facto no disqualification match. 

Triple H's wife, Stephanie McMahon, Why yes Triple H graduated with honors from the Kliq School of Politics!

Brock Lesnar hits the ring in his MMA gear (read: Jimmy John’s advertisements adorn his MMA shorts and mouth-guard) with Paul Heyman. Triple H enters with his normal ring entrance. Upon the completion of the super special ring introductions, Brock charges at Triple H and double-legs him into the corner. Brock maintains control in the corner with strikes. HHH briefly displays a flash of wrestling acumen by executing a back heel trip, but Brock escapes that easily. Brock targets the arm with his dreaded Kimura (this is the hold that broke HHH’s and Shawn Michael’s arm) and there is the impressive visual display of Brock applying the Kimura and a standing body-scissors on Triple H while Triple H holds onto the ropes. Normally this would necessitate a rope break, but without the power of disqualifying Lesnar, the referee is powerless to force Brock to break the hold. What follows is the short babyface shine segment with Triple H being able to knock Brock out of the ring twice. All this serves to do is piss Brock off, this is visually symbolized by Brock taking his gloves off. After another double-leg takedown, Brock lands vicious shot to the back of Hunter’s head. The announcers do a good job putting over that would be illegal in the UFC, making it seem extra dastardly. This serves as the transition to the heat segment. Brock dominates Triple H with a hammerlock slam on the announce table, which continues the arm psychology. Brock heads back into the ring for some taunting (as any good bully would) meanwhile this illustrates the no-countout stipulation. The verbal selling of HHH during this portion is well-done with Brock working over the arm. There is a smattering of desperation spots. Normally, I would term them hope spots, but the viewer has very little hope that HHH is going to overcome the Beast. Rather these spots seem like a man lashing out in pure self-preservation rather than attempting to win a competitive bout. Brock sends HHH into the steps and Triple H does not bump as hard as he could have. In another impressive visual display, Brock tips the announce table on its side; mounts it; delivers a superman punch. Then weirdly Lesnar goes for an inside cradle pin, which Triple H kicks out before 1. This leads to the first and only rope-running spot of the match, which sees Lesnar deliver one helluva lariat to HHH. However, Triple H is able to block a vertical suplex attempt into his own. He attempts a Pedigree, but his arm is too injured and Brock is able to send him crashing to the floor as HHH takes his normal corner bump, without the usual vigor.

This is the hook of the entire match: in an act of utter self-preservation and total fortune, Triple H uses a leverage move to send Brock crashing abdomen first into the edge of the announce table. Immediately, Brock is double over in pain and selling so well that he snookered my dad into thinking he was legit hurt. The selling was truly fantastic with Heyman putting it over with his concern “Are you hurt?”. His tone was perfect. Brock spits up and there goes the mouthguard. HHH capitalizes on this stroke of good luck by attacking the abdomen with unrelenting fury, punches first then the vaunted HHH knee. For those that do not know, Brock Lesnar legitimately had a disease known as diverticulitis that caused huge portions of his intestines to be removed. This is the driving force for his retirement from UFC. It was a great bit of storytelling that hooked my entire family into the match. While Triple H was ravaging Brock with knees to his gut, Heyman was screaming “Stop doing that” and again his tone was so spot-on. We head to the finish after HHH hits the spinebuster. A couple of finish reversals before Brock kicks out of the first Pedigree. Brock then hits a wicked low-blow and follows that up with the F-5, which only gets two. So Brock goes back to his bread and butter: the Kimura and HHH makes the ropes, but there are no rope breaks. However, Triple H is able to escape due to punches to the mid-section (abdomen psychology). HHH hits another Pedigree, but when Triple H was trying to turn him over for the pin, Brock in a flash caught him in the Kimura. Then proceeded to break his arm and HHH was forced HHH to tap out.

SKULLET~!

Almost no wasted motion throughout the fight and a well-thought story made this seemingly an easy thumbs up from me. I am a sucker for Monster Heel takes on Franchise Babyface (see Vader/Sting). I think Brock did a good job emulating Vader especially in the corner. He was just absolutely relentless on the arm and going for the Kimura. I did not care one iota about the lack of variety in his offense. It was logical for him to keep vicious and arm-focused. He broke it once before, why deviate from that. The pacing was a bit on the methodical side, but it was never intended to be a sprint. It always had my attention and never felt like it dragged. I do not see the disjointed argument at all. The match layout was very typical:

Heel domination -> Babyface Shine -> Heat segment with hope spots -> Hope Spot finally connects -> Babyface comeback -> Finish.

The blow to the head transitioned to heat segment and the leverage move that “discovers” Brock’s weakness transitioned to the comeback. The transitions were accomplished and logical thus negating the "disjointed" arguement. Cena was able to defeat Lesnar because of a fluke chain shot. The idea was to put over that Cena was able to survive the onslaught. This match was built on that premise of HHH discovering a weakness to the monster he could exploit, but it was too little too late for our hero. This type of inter-match storytelling almost never happens in the WWE and I was eating it up. The dueling arm/abdomen psychology was bordering on brilliant for WWE’s typical ring work.

Did I mention how incredible Lesnar’s selling was? He is not known for his selling, but he put over the abdomen injury so well. I thought Triple H started off selling very well for Lesnar, but then almost seemed to get a bit lazy. Sure he did the bare minimum and not move his left arm, but where were the grimaces and the verbal selling. Also, this may be due to HHH's old age, but he was not throwing himself into bumps as well as he normally does. I think the Cena/Lesnar match is way better, but this match is still very good.

I have no idea how Lesnar came off as ordinary. He used a bunch of amateur/MMA moves and worked over a body part that almost never happens in WWE. In addition, they ran the ropes exactly once and used Irish Whips threes times. This match along with Cena match is the closest WWE has gotten to shoot-style ever. This felt like nothing else I get to see on a regular basis.

In conclusion, I felt like I got my money’s worth for being able to see this on HD TV live. It was a tremendous match that I enjoyed greatly with my family. I think you can improve HHH’s bumping and selling, but he is limited by age on one of those fronts. Also, while I loved the flash submission victory. I thought the finishing sequence was a bit tame with the usual finisher reversals. A grander false finish could have been employed to get the crowd more involved, which admittedly seemed dead during the majority of the match. The high points were definitely Brock’s offense, his selling and the match layout. On the very same card, Jericho had taped ribs and Ziggler did nothing but a token attack of the ribs. I would love to see more body part psychology in WWE, but for now I will just take Brock being an utter beast and having two MOTYC’s to his name having wrestled only two matches on the year.