Sunday, May 20, 2012

Macho Madness: Randy Savage Kills Snakes Dead

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Danny Granger, HOLD MY DICK!

So the Macho Man had turned into a big softie and everything was all unicorns, rainbows and leather-clad midgets brandishing whips. Wait that is not everybody’s fantasy. Needs more Ke$ha. Amen, girlfriend.

Elizabeth accepted the Macho Man’s wedding proposal with the worst “Ooooooo Yeah!” ever and the lovey-dovey couple was set to be married at Summerslam 1991 in the Match Made In Heaven, get it. It would not be a wrestling wedding, unless so one was there to wreak some havoc. Jake the Snake and his buddy The Undertaker were on hand to do just that. Ya see, The Snake thought it would be a good idea to give Liz a real live King Cobra as a wedding gift. What woman doesn’t want a big snake? Smirks.

Roberts and Taker blindside Savage and beat him to a pulp. Roberts fearing no repercussion because Savage has been forcefully retired torments Savage with a promos about him being a man that is not able to protect his woman. Them’s fighting words. So when Savage came marching to the ring, Roberts got Savage tangled in the ropes and then had the King Cobra bite him on the arm. Now obviously in real life, the snake was de-venomed, but also in real life the snake bit Savage for too long and cause deep puncture wounds and visible bleeding. In a funny story, the snake died a couple days later causing Savage to joke that Macho is venom for snakes. Yes people. Randy Savage Kills Snakes Dead.

So after pleading and tons of fans request, the Macho Man was reinstated for a PPV in December of 1991 called Tuesday In Texas to face Jake “The Snake” Roberts”.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts.

Macho Man attacks Jake the Snake in aisleway with a hat that just screams. That is it. It just screams.

You dont get the full effect of the hat.

This is an out and out fight, not a wrestling match.  This is what the Savage/Hogan should have been.  All Savage, but the ref tries to hold back Savage, Roberts takes the advantage. Savage’s arm has been bandaged due to the snake attack and The Snake works it over mercilessly.  The Brain reminds us that Jakes is The Devil himself. Macho sells like he has only one arm. The Brain lists the chores that Macho Man could have done at home instead of taking this match. The Snake rips off the bandage like a prick and goes to the hammerlock. Roberts telegraphs a back body drop and misses a short-arm clothesline. Savage charges and eats a knee and disappointing the crowd. Jake connects with his short-arm clothesline and signals for the DDT to a chorus of boo’s. The Brain remarks that “Liz probably wishes she had married Jake” and that gets an “O will you stop it.”

Savage rams Jake into the corner on a DDT attempt, he still has life. Big Elbow finishes it for Savage in a very spirited brawl. The after-match shenanigans are a great piece of wrestling theater. As Savage looks to inflict more punishment with a chair, but the ring announcer pulls it away. SO he gets his trusty ring bell, the same bell the he used to crushed Steamboat’s larynx. MACHO MADNESS IS BACK!!! The ref tries to stop Randy and that gives Jake the opportunity to DDT Savage. Savage struggles to get up and eats another DDT, which Savage is out cold. Jake slithers out of the ring and he pulls under the ring, the bag that contains the SNAKE~! Here comes Liz running out to cover Randy’s body with her own. Jake berates her telling her to beg for his life and asking do you really love him. Stop it, she says, stop it. All the while Jake tease breaking out the snake and Jakes says “Say please”, she obliges and he obliges with a 3rd DDT and Savage is finished. Beautiful theater, the match is short, but heated and intense. **** for the whole thing.

This video is from Survivor Series 1991 and shows the Screamin Hat in Full Effect.

Savage may have won the match, but it was certainly a Pyrrhic victory, which means there needs to be a blowoff match. Thus they would have a contest at the January 1992 version of Saturday’s Night Main Event.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts

January 1992 Saturday Night’s Main Event

 Vince is oddly excited talking about Liz begging for Savage’s health. This video has Savage’s pre-match promo, which is one of his best as he describes the pain and feeling of helplessness the Snakeman has put him through. Savage rushes in and Roberts powders. Savage right out after him sends him into post and tries to tear his face off repeatedly. Here comes the furniture and he chokes Roberts with his boots and the ref has lost control of this melee. An elbow across the Snake’s throat on the apron, Jake bleeds from the nose the hardway I reckon and it is all Macho Man.

Savage jabs in the corner and keeps tearing at his nose.  Jake sends Macho over the top rope and he just comes right back in on the offense. The Macho Man will not be denied. Roberts throws him back over the top rope and Jake takes Savage into the post twice. The second time was unprotected, damn. Savage’s double axe-handle is blocked with a shot to gut and a flash DDT knocks Macho Man unconscious, but Jake’s appetite is not satiated. After a minute, Savage is up and here comes the short-arm clothesline. Jake the Snake taunts the fans and signals for the second DDT. The DDT attempt is blocked with a desperation of back body drop.

Savage has the wherewithal to hit Roberts with a double axe-handle onto the floor driving The Snake’s throat into the guardrail. Savage takes this opportunity to hit the BIG ELBOW and pick up the victory. Refs flood the ring so Savage jumps into their mob and they disperse; he hits another BIG ELBOWS. The refs stop him from driving the ring bell across the throat. Liz jogs down in heels and embraces Savage   to blow off the feud.

This was the beginning of the babyface Savage formula of the 90’s. Start off red-hot, take heat for most of the match then hit two moves for the win. This is the very good version of the formula because Jake the Snake is such an effective heel. I am going a tad lower on the rating because I think Jake desereved more comeuppance than just two elbows. ***1/2

We have one more installment before  my tribute to the Macho Man is done and it is my favorite Savage title victory…

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