Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Four Corners of Heaven: Mitsuharu Misawa, Akira Taue, Toshiaki Kawada, Kenta Kobashi

Hey yo,

Halloweekend was a rousing success and a strong affirmation of the major impact I have had on local communities. I won Best Costume as voted by the patrons of the Phoenix Landing in what can only be described as a no contest. When you are competing against a Flock of Psy and a Gaggle of Waldo, there was no way the Power of Heavy Metal could be DENIED!!! I view this award as not just a Triumph for Heavy Metal on a single night, but rather as a Lifetime Achievement Award in the Field of Costume Design & Modeling for every single person that has ever dared to mushroom stamp the norms of society that fetter us.  Through LeBron Love Triumphed; In Ke$ha The Truth Lives; From Me Freedom Will Reign In Perpetuity!

God Bless Halloween & Twitter! Remember Rhyming Turns Me On, Ladies! (Credit: Nayer's Twitter)

In more depressing news, the Tigers suck! It is 2006 all over again UGH!

You know what doesn’t suck? 90’s All Japan!

Reputed by most wrestling critics as the pinnacle of pro wrestling, 90s All Japan was centered around four men dubbed as “The Four Corners Of Heaven”. The Four Corners along with the two top gaijin (Japanese for foreigner) talent: Stan Hansen and “Dr. Death” Steve Williams wrestled each other in the greatest matches of all time crafting masterful stories and delivering some of the most outrageously stiff shots and brutal bumps in the history of wrestling.

I have undertaken the project of watching the matches chronologically from Misawa’s first Triple Crown victory in 1992 forward (before I watched them in a random order). I am of the belief that no other promotion has ever done a better job in doing inter-match storytelling. Most wrestling matches focus on intra-match storytelling with only selective matches building on one another. The most recent American example of inter-match storytelling was the Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker series at Wrestlemanias XXV and XXVI. In All-Japan as a result of an incredibly dynamic, but small number of main event performers, the promotion relied on not on the novelty of matches, but building a cohesive story through the matches rather than an American promotion which drives the story through angles.

The 1995 Champions Carnival (annual round-robin singles tournament held in the spring) is an awesome exhibition of the talent and work of the Four Corners of Heaven. Even though Stan Hansen was the Triple Crown Champion at this juncture, he was being phased out as he was getting up their in age and would soon drop the titles to All Japan Ace, Mistuharu Misawa. Dr. Death seemed poised to inherit top gaijin spot from Hansen, having won the Triple Crown himself in 1994, but was busted for drugs and would never fully regain his prominence in All Japan. Thus for the first time in the history of All Japan Pro Wrestling, they would have to rely on a main event that consisted of only native Japanese talent. This Champions Carnival was the culmination of the push of native talent post-1988 after less gaijin talent was making the trek overseas. All Japan was in the fine, reassuring hands of The Four Corners of Heaven.

Green Destiny

Mitsuharu Misawa – The Undisputed Ace of the Four Corners was leader of his generation against Jumbo Tsuruta’s generation (you can read about two of Jumbo’s greatest All Japan matches in the 80s against Ric Flair and Kerry Von Erich here) and was positioned to be the face of All Japan in the 90s. He defeated Jumbo Tsuruta in single competition in 1990 and worked progressively to ascend the top of the mountain. Finally he captured the All Japan Triple Crown Heavyweight Championship in the May of 1992 against Stan Hansen. Misawa embarked on a two year incredible run of stellar championship defenses against friend turned arch-enemy Toshiaki Kawada, perpetual rival Akira Taue, legendary Stan Hansen, and the explosive Dr. Death. In midst of all this, Misawa took on the energetic, lively Kenta Kobashi as his tag team partner and understudy. Misawa is famed for his extended comeback and usage of a long finish run. These long finishes developed incredible tensions in his matches through the use of nearfalls, high-impact moves and timely selling. These finishes and all his offense were set up by his elbow strikes. These elbow strikes were stiff and brutal creating space for him to set up his high impact blows. Misawa was known for his stoic disposition in his matches, giving the fans reassurance that he was always one elbow away from rendering his opponent incapacitated. Misawa has the distinction of being involved in the most matches Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer has rated at Five Stars. Misawa’s most notable trait is his fighting spirit and resilience as he is Four Corner member that wrestled from underneath most often.


DANGEROUS K

Toshiaki Kawada – All Japan’s second banana is one mean muthafucka. You don’t mess with Dangerous K. Kawada began his career in Genichiro Tenryu’s army in his feud against Jumbo Tsuruta’s army in the late 80s. In the early 90’s, he joined Misawa’s army against Jumbo and became Misawa’s number two and steady tag team partner. In October of 1992, at All Japan’s Anniversary show, he wrestled Misawa for the Triple Crown Heavyweight titles falling short in what would be a theme throughout his career. During the 1993 Champions Carnival, frustrated with his loss to Misawa and a desire to step out of his shadow, he formed the Holy Demon Army with Jumbo’s number two: Akira Taue. Kawada and Taue would have many legendary battles against the tag team of Mistuharu Misawa and Kenta Kobashi for the Double Cup (All Japan’s Tag Team titles) that are considered some of the greatest matches ever. If Misawa is known for his elbows, then Kawada is known for his kicks, which he can hit from any angle with brutality. Kawada ins my mind is a better seller than Misawa, where as Misawa edges him a bit on bumping (Kawada took some nasty bumps, but Misawa really seemed to throw himself into them). Kawada ranks up there with Savage in body part selling and Flair in fatigue selling. Kawada builds matches very well around body part psychology to set up bomb throwing finishes, which include his powerbomb and the DANGEROUS~! Backdrop Driver. I know that I enjoy Kawada more as a performer than Misawa, but yet I enjoy Misawa matches more than Kawada matches (like I think Misawa matches with Dr. Death, Taue and Kobashi are better than their Kawada counterparts). This something I really want to explore because I have not come to solid understanding of it. The point I tried to make in this analysis was why Kawada lost matches. I thought going into that Kawada sometimes let his sadism get in the way of victory. I want to see if that is the real reason for him coming up short. If Misawa’s trait is resilience, I would say Kawada’s is his sadism.

Who Am I To Doubt Akira Taue?

Akira Taue – In terms of the kayfabe, Taue was clearly ranked over Kobashi because Kobashi had yet to earn any singles victories over Taue coming into the 1995 Champions Carnival. Even though in many fan’s minds, Taue is a distant fourth in the Four Corners of Heaven. However, Misawa, Kawada and Kobashi are generally considered to be in the Top 20 greatest wrestlers of all time. So there is no shame being fourth in that category. Taue is often overlooked because of his awkward, gangly body and his lack of stiff/powerful offense. Taue relied on general ruthlessness and a sense of precision that his cohorts lacked. Kawada in all his desire to dish out punishment usually wanted to do it in a way that was fair. He was just mean, but he was not a cheat. Taue did not fucking care, he was out for the win. In a Japan, a closed fist was treated as a big deal and only to busted out in key situations. Taue did not give a fuck because it knew it would give him an upper hand fuck everybody else for not using it. Taue relied more on the straight punch than his cohorts. If Kobashi’s leg was fucked up, he was going to relentlessly attack it. If Misawa had a broken orbital bone, then sure as the sun will come up if Taue was in trouble he was going to claw at his eye. Taue may not have the moves, the graces or the emotion of his compatriots, but what he brought was a great understanding of wrestling psychology and how to be a ruthless heel. Taue was such a great tag partner for Kawada because of the reasons I listed. So what I want to evaluate is how good Taue is and if he really was such a weak link in the Four Corners.

When I watched this in 2006, it hooked me forever on puroresu

Kenta Kobashi – O Kenta and your flair for the dramatic. Kobashi’s youthful virility was the yin to Misawa’s stoic yang. I do not know if Kobashi  always intended this to happen, but his matches more often than not became sort of exhibitions of one-up manship. They usually involve displays of machismo such as chop battles (the chop is Kobashi’s strike of choice) and tests of strength. He has the most extensive offensive arsenal of the Four Corners and he loves to make sure everybody knows it in every match he wrestles. When Kobashi could reigned in by his opponent it could lead some of the greatest matches of all time. For instance Stan Hansen vs Kenta Kobashi in 1993 is my current choice for greatest match of all time. However, some opponents did let Kobashi indulge himself too much and this led to matches going off the tracks think Dr. Death vs Kobashi 9/3/94. I like Kobashi well enough and his matches are never boring that is for sure. His comebacks are just so full of hyper masculine histrionics you just cant help but get into them. They are always setup by his dramatic selling that elicits so much sympathy from the crowd. Kobashi is I believe the general consensus favorite among the American wrestling fans that follow puroresu because of his ability to cross language and cultural barriers better than the other Four Corners. I want to see which opponents are best at managing Kobashi and how well he is at self-editing in this Champions Carnival.

Four Corners of Heaven


BACKGROUND

Heading into the 1995 offering of the Carnival, Stan Hansen was the Triple Crown Champion, but was being phased out due to age. Toshiaki Kawada had dropped the titles to Hansen in March and was looking to pick up some momentum given he had only one successful defense (a 60 minute draw against Kobashi in January). Mitsuharu Misawa was coming off a stellar, but injury-plagued 1994. He lost the titles to Dr. Death in July of 1994. This would be his first major singles since his loss in July and he will be out to prove that he is still the undisputed Ace of All Japan. Akira Taue had a lackluster 1994 and generally took a backseat to his cohorts. Taue will be looking to prove he still belongs in the Four Corners of Heaven. Kobashi has the most positive momentum coming into the tournament. He had very successful 1993 and 1994 campaigns and the fans have really rallied around him. He was able to take Kawada to a 60 minute draw in January in his shot for the Triple Crown. However, Kobashi still has ZERO victories over the other members of the Four Corners of Heaven and he will be looking to remedy that.

MATCHES

Akira Taue vs Kenta Kobashi
March 21, 1995

The first match is a contest between the two junior partners in their respective teams. It really feels like both these men are out there with something to prove. This gives this match a real sense of struggle as both men are making each other work for their moves. Everytime, Kobashi looks like he is putting something together, Taue will throw him down. There is a theme among most Kobashi matches of his macho posturing costing him matches as he gets too involved in one up manship that he loses sight of winning the match. Taue, for his part, avoids getting sucked into this like Kawada sometimes will by avoiding the test of strength and going for shortcuts like eye-rakes and throwdowns. Taue is going his best to disrupt Kobashi’s offensive flow. For his part, Taue looked his best on offense that I has seen up to that point. His Jumbo high knee and enziguri combo looked fantastic. He delivered some stiff blows a particularly vicious lariat comes to mind.

Kobashi continues this theme of struggle by doing his best to cut off Taue during his offense. Kobashi comes off like a warrior with dogged determination to press on even in bleak circumstance. My favorite spot of the match is when Taue does a throwdown to stop a Kobashi flurry into the corner only for Kobashi to rebound off and lariat him to a great pop. Eventually string together two pinning combinations off of a bridging german suplex and a powerbomb, but then misses his put-away: the moonsault. This gives the feeling that Kobashi was one move away from his getting his big victory.

As part two of my favorite spot of the match, Taue Irish whipped Kobashi into the guardrail and Kobashi went to do a rebound lariat only for Taue to catch him this time and throw him back into the guardrail. That was sweet! Taue follows this up with a HUGE Nodowa (Chokeslam, his finisher) off the apron onto the floor! Kobashi sells it like death. Taue has to bring him back in to get the pinfall, but Kobashi kicks out. Kobashi is working under the “lights are on, but no one is home” guise just trying to extend Taue to a 30 minute draw by rolling to outside. Taue obliges him by powerbombing him on the floor. Taue is such a prick and the fans love it oddly enough as they cheer his name. Taue polishes him off with the DYNAMIC BOMB~! (Sitout Powerbomb). This is Taue’s new and improved finisher to add a bomb to his arsenal.

I liked this match a whole lot as Taue really blew me away with his performance. He reigned Kobashi in and made sure that Kobashi never ate him alive with all his offense. Taue worked hard to impress and deliver some great offense. The match did a great job to put over two moves: the Nodowa off the apron and the Dynamic Bomb. In addition, it really Taue over as a scrappy, ruthless competitor that would never let a match get too far out of control. Kobashi was able to work his moves in a logical fashion and his facial expressions added to put over how much of a struggle this match was. His most important role was selling like he dead after the Nodowa to the floor and really putting Taue over as a threat. It felt like he was one moonsault away from winning, but at the day he went for one too many rebound lariats and got caught. That was turning point because it allowed Taue to set up the Nodowa to the floor. A fantastic start to the tournament and I think one that places the bar very high for all the matches to follow.

BURNING~!


Mitsuharu Misawa vs Kenta Kobashi
March 26, 1995

Kobashi will look to get himself back on track against his tag team partner while Misawa will be looking to prove he is the Undisputed Ace of All Japan. I was surprised at how vicious Kobashi was towards Misawa. Even after Kawada left Misawa for Taue, Misawa always seemed to wrestle Kawada diplomatically. Going into this match, I expected Kobashi and Misawa grapple until it got to a boiling point and then they went balls to walls. Instead, Kobashi came out to prove a point and he made it loud and clear with his thunderous chops on Misawa’s chest.

Misawa and Kobashi work well together because Kobashi wants to do a ton of shit and Misawa wants to take a lot of shit until he gets to make his extended comeback. Kobashi’s opening shine segment is fun with lots of good moves and plays to both men strengths. Cool spot at the beginning with Misawa doing a monkey flip out of the corner as a hope spot because I had not seen that before. Misawa, of course, goes to his trusty elbows when in doubt.

There is this fuckin wild sequence out of a surfboard that just has to be seen to be fully appreciated. A great instance of Misawa selling is when Kobashi roundhouse kicks in him the gut and he begins to cough. This is a great exhibition for how stiff and violent the strikes in All Japan can be as Misawa delivers some great Fuck You Elbows and Kobashi with Burning Lariats. Kobashi begins to pour it on with Backdrop Driver and German Suplex, powerbomb and moonsault triggering “Mi-Saw-wah” chants and a loud pop on the kickout from the moonsault. I was shocked to as I expected a foot on the ropes rather than a straight kickout. Things are looking bleak for Misawa as he rolls out and trying to extend the match. ROARING ELBOW~! From Misawa regains control for Misawa. Tiger suplex, frog splash get near falls and trigger “Ko-Bashi” chants. I do not know if it was a split crowd or if they just respected the hell out of both men. Kobashi does his dramatic crawl away but a Tiger Driver followed by a Sleeper Suplex finishes off Kobashi.              

This is a great match to get a feel for the All Japan style if you are a first timer. There is pretty of fantastic sequences full of heated strikes and big bombs. Kobashi comes off once again as a wrestler on the cusp of making it big, but doesn’t have enough to put away one of the big guns. Misawa does a good job giving Kobashi a lot before making a typical great comeback (though a bit shorther than his usual). I preferred Kobashi/Taue for the interesting story and heated struggle. Misawa/Kobashi had better strike exchanges and more fluid sequences, but Kobashi/Taue had more emotion.



Mitsuharu Misawa vs Toshiaki Kawada
April 5, 1995

I would hate this to be the first Misawa/Kawada match anyone watches. It is such a classic rivalry and this match disappoints. It disappoints because about 30 seconds into the match Kawada breaks Misawa’s orbital bone legitimately. This obviously causes Misawa immense pain and it is a real tribute to his actual toughness that he continued on for the next 29:30 of the match. It did cause him to botch a couple moves of his routine and for the match to start a bit slower, but he did find his groove eventually.

The spot of the match is Kawada actually busting out a dive onto the outside of his own, which made me go nuts. Misawa blocks a piledriver on the floor delivers a Tiger Driver for the first big move of the match approximately 12 minutes into the match. Kawada still goes after the eye, which makes me cringe. As I mentioned earlier, Kawada had never pinned Misawa before. The injury forced their hand to structure a match where Kawada would be offense for a majority making it feel like Kawada would eventually get that victory. Kawada is really good at nuances like the struggle over a powerbomb. Kawada keeps going back to the stretch plum because of the pressure it puts on the eye.

Misawa lands a spin kick and goes through his offensive arsenal and the Tiger Suplex gets a good pop as a false finish. My second favorite spot of the match is when Kawada is clutching the ropes for dear life fending off a sleeper suplex attempt and then fires off this nasty chop to Misawa’s throat. It was a perfect confluence of desperation, fatigue and dickishness. Kawada lands a brainbuster and a powerbomb but time expires with him in control.

The general theme of Misawa/Kawada matches is Kawada getting closer and closer to pinning Misawa. In 1993, Kawada worked over Misawa’s arm to eliminate Misawa’s vaunted elbows. In 1994, Kawada worked over Misawa’s neck and was even more aggressive in his stance. In this match, he was in control of the match before time limit expiring looking that with just a minute more he would have secured his first victory over Misawa. This was a great effort from both men given the circumstances of Misawa’s unfortunate injury so early in the match. It is match that was very good, but does not hold up against the greatness of the previous two matches.

Focus Group Studies Show: This Chick Brings Eyeballs


Toshiaki Kawada vs Akira Taue
April 8, 1995

THE HOLY DEMON ARMY EXPLODES~! Had to. Taue has a victory on Kobashi and Kawada has drawn Misawa thus for Kawada to advance to the Champions Carnival he needs a victory here and a victory over Kobashi and hope Taue does not beat Misawa. This match is wrestled with this idea in mind. Kawada needs the win more than Taue and thus goes out there and wrestles more aggressively than his partner. Taue, much like in the Kobashi, does his usual throwdown defense, but Kawada catches him early with a wicked, short spinning heel kick.

Kawada is on offense for the majority of the match and employs some wicked submissions, which is something that All Japan matches lacked. This works twofold to put Kawada over a sadistic sum bitch who needs the win and Taue as a sympathetic underdog. Taue times his hope spots well using a Tenryu-style enziguri and his snake eyes moves well, but Kawada remains in command. Kawada relies heavily on his explosive kicks to stymie any Taue flurries. The tension in the match is derived from Kawada’s urgency to win, but Taue is not letting it become a Kawada exhibition. Taue does deliver a DDT onto exposed concrete and a couple Nodowas. In the ultimate display of desperation in puroresu, Kawada uses a closed fist to quash this turn of events.

I never thought I would say so-so is the greatest wrestler at using apron (the edge of the wrestling ring), but Godamnit Taue is the greatest apron wrestler ever. The best sequence of the match is when Kawada Yakuza Kick (high kick to face) on Taue on the apron. Taue returns the closed fist from earlier to set up Taue’s big bomb: the Nodowa to the floor!!!!

Kawada, similarly to Kobashi, sells it like death and the end is inevitable for Kawada as he falls to Super Nodowa (rolls away) and ultimately the DYNAMIC BOMB~!

Best match of the Carnival so far, it does not blow away the competition, but I liked this match the most because of Taue coming from behind and besting Kawada in the upset. As these two are partners, I think Kawada busting out new tricks was his way of keeping his partner off balance. However, Kawada was not able to wrangle Taue into his powerbomb or DANGEROUS~! Backdrop driver, which are his bread and butter. Taue kept his offense very true to form and used his size advantage over his partner to connect with his moves. It almost felt like some an act of hubris with Kawada willing to engage his junior partner on the apron knowing full well what happened to Kobashi. Taue with two victories is guaranteed a trip to the finals with this victory.   

I’m skipping the Carnival match between Misawa and Taue because they will be meeting in the finals. I will be covering the Finals between those two.

Kobashi Defies Death


Toshiaki Kawada vs Kenta Kobashi
April 13, 1995

In January, Kobashi extended Kawada to the limit in his only successful defense of the Triple Crown in a one hour draw. This is their first meeting since that match with both men eliminated from a spot in the finals these men will be battling for personal honor and the fact they plain just don’t like one another.

Kawada immediately indulges Kobashi by engaging in a test of strength, which Kobashi wins. Kobashi delivers a Tiger Suplex out of it and some of his patented leg drops across stuff (guard rails and the middle rope). Kobashi has a lot to prove remember because he is yet to garner a victory over any of the other members of the Four Corners of Heaven. At the same time, Kawada is looking for some positive momentum, but the early going indicates that Kobashi is the aggressor.

Kawada fires off some kicks and then backs Kobashi into a corner before unleashing a barrage of vicious knees to the face. I’m sorry, Mr. Kawada for thinking you were not the aggressor. Kobashi is able to connect with a favorite All Japan spot the rebound lariat off the guardrail. Then we arrive at the hook of the match, Kobashi in his overzealousness high knees the guardrail. Kawada works the knee really strongly. Kawada delivers a shinbreaker onto the neighboring timekeeper’s table another favorite All Japan spot. I approve, Kawada.

Kawada works over the leg some more with a half-crab and Scorpion Deathlock. Of course when Kobashi makes him comeback, Kawada immediately cuts that off with a dropkick to the knee. God Bless Dangerous K! Kobashi dropkicks Kawada’s trick knee (hurt it back in 1993) and then delivers his own shinbreaker onto the announce table. I love the symmetry as now Kobashi utilizes a half crab and Texas Cloverleaf. I am just excited about all this because it means Kawada gets to sell the knee. Kawada on jello legs and his fall across the ring after a Kobashi Irish whip is some of the best wrestling theatre ever.

Lets take this bad boy home!  Kawada manages a desperation DANGEROUS~! Backdrop Driver, but Kobashi blocks the stretch plum attempt. Kawada gets a 2 off one powerbomb, but his leg buckles on the second and Kobashi gets a 2 count just from landing on top of him. Kobashi sets up for the moonsault, but Kawada rolls away. Finally Kobashi connects with a moonsault and it only gets two. The expression of shock on Kobashi’s face says it all.

Kobashi runs through the rest of his bag of tricks: the Burning Lariat, the Rolling Cradle and another moonsault, but he misses that time to give Kawada a near-fall. Kawada delivers another powerbomb and DANGEROUS~! Backdrop Driver for nearfalls, but Kobashi keeps crawling away as the time limit expires.

All Japan was doing its damndest to prove these two men were exact equals with multiple draws in 1995 and 1996. Once again, Kawada was in control when the time limit expired, but did not have enough to put his opponent away. This match is a lot of fun because the symmetrical leg psychology, Kawada’s selling and the great finish run. I would place this behind Kobashi/Taue and Kawada/Taue (remember how I said Taue was the fourth best that argument seems weird now doesn’t it?) because while it was heated, it did not have the emotion of the two Taue matches.

DYNAMIC BOMB~!


Mitsuharu Misawa vs Akira Taue
April 15, 1995
Champions Carnival Final

I am just going to get this out of the way. This is one of the greatest matches of all time and in top 10 of the greatest All Japan matches of all time. Full Stop. Don’t pass Go and collect $200, sit your ass down and watch this match. I was skeptical of the rep this match has because I did not think Taue as a singles competitor could deliver that time of performance. Who am I to doubt Akira Taue?

The match begins with a series of counters to put over their familiarity with each other. Taue side-steps a Misawa flying lariat and drives him into the ground sending Misawa to the outside. All of sudden, we get Air Taue as he dives onto Misawa on the outside and Misawa chants begin in earnest. I loved this because it established that with both men so familiar with each other that they would have to wrestle outside their moveset to keep their opponent off-balance.

The hook of the match is Taue aggressively attacking the injured eye of Misawa (remember Misawa legitimately broke his orbital bone in match with Kawada earlier). Taue utilized this tactic to cut off Misawa offensive flurries and to setup his own offense. A good example of this is when Misawa slides over the back of Taue on a suplex attempt only to receive a stiff elbow to his eye. Misawa for his part puts on a offense clinic of his own.

Against Kawada and Kobashi, Misawa is more than willing to let them have their spotlight, but against Taue Misawa has more free reign to take larger chunks of the match to himself. Misawa actually taking so much offense is indicator to the viewer that his normal rope-a-dope strategy would not work here because the injury is that much of liability. Thus Misawa is looking to end this match much earlier rather rely on his normal strategy of extending his opponent and then taking advantage. This gives a different feel from normal Misawa matches as he is much more aggressive and urgent with his offense. After a flurry of spin kicks, elbows, two elbows dives and a ROARING ELBOW~!, they actually tease Taue losing by countout. I have to mention the normally stoic Misawa seems a bit pissed that Taue was so willing to take advantage of his injury.

At around the 12:00 minute mark, all hell breaks loose as Taue claws Misawa’s eye repeatedly to stop his elbow flurries. This culminates with Taue stepping on Misawa injured eye. The Japanese crowd and announcers collectively lose their shit at the ruthlessness and audacity of Taue. I have watched a lot of Japanese wrestling and never remember a crowd actually booing a wrestler that is how heated this got. Seventeen years after the fact that spot is still fuckin sweet.

Taue tries to negotiate his kill shot: the Nodowa off the apron to the floor, but Misawa elbows his way out of it. Misawa in desperation runs through more of his arsenal: spinkick, senton, frogsplash, german suplex, Tiger Driver, but can not garner the victory. Then we arrive at the spot of the match and maybe my favorite sequence in all of pro wrestling.

Misawa floats over Taue back on a vertical suplex attempt and lands on the apron. UH OH! Taue immediately takes the edge of his hand and drives it into Misawa’s injured eye. Taue goozles him, but Misawa is clinging to the ropes for dear life, but Taue chops his hand. NODOWA TO THE FLOOR!!!! Now the entire ending is in doubt. Before, Misawa was the favorite even with eye injury because he was the ace and none of the Four Corners had beaten him. However, this is the move that killed Kobashi and Kawada dead. Either ending is totally satisfying to customer as Misawa will either overcome this adversity as before or Taue will prove be the Misawa-Slayer. As a smart wrestling fan, I can predict 95% of the outcomes of all matches because I have just watched that much wrestling. Sometimes the journey is more fun than the ending. However, then there are matches like these when the irresistible force (Nodowa on the floor) and the immovable object (Misawa) meet and I don’t know who will win, but fuck it is going to be one helluva ride.

Taue runs through his offense and punctuates this run with a DYNAMIC BOMB~! MISAWA KICKS OUT!!!! O SHIT!!!! The ending is a great illustration of why Misawa one of the best ever. John Cena would have hulked up and ran through his offense to get the win, but Misawa presents his twist on the babyface comeback. Misawa strikes with his elbows, but with each elbow he is falling down or powdering. He is using these desperation elbows to create breathing room for himself to recover. You get the feeling as a fan that he just did not stop being injured or fatigued, but that he is fighting through it. Taue is both dazed by these vicious elbows and fatigued from running through most of his offense. Taue is still able to kick out of a german suplex and a Tiger Driver. Taue, sensing that the end is near, tries one last ditch effort by clawing at the eye and the crowd is molten with heat at this. Misawa elbows through the claw and TWO Tiger Suplexes finish it for Misawa.

One of the greatest matches I have ever seen. It is one of those matches where you feel like you reached a Pro Wrestling Nirvana as a pro wrestling fan. This is one of the best individual Misawa performances I have ever seen as he puts over Taue as a force to reckoned with and himself as a resilient wrestler that overcomes adversity with his heart and elbows. Taue stepped up his game huge throughout the Carnival and there was no brighter moment than this match where he ate Misawa’s offense well and was totally ruthless against the eye. This match represents what pro wrestling should be: the simulation of human struggle. Taue is struggling to step out from Misawa’s shadow and is willing to do anything to finally end his “Reign of Terror”. Misawa is struggling with overcoming his broken orbital bone and an opponent willing and able to exploit it. When pro wrestling is done right, I do not think there is a greater medium of entertainment. On April 15, 1995, Mitsuharu Misawa and Akira Taue did pro wrestling right.

 



Thursday, October 18, 2012

2 Out of 3 Falls: Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko, Ultimo Dragon


Hey yo,

What do you when all your friends have jobs and your brother has school? You, of course, call up your septuagenarian friend and have a grand ole time playing tennis and watching ’68 Tigers World Series Campaign (Mickey Lolich hit a homer in Game 2 and Holy Shit were Denny McLain and Bob Gibson absolute beasts!). Tigers Sweep! Lets Go Tigers! Yankees Suck!

So I am going to try to be most efficient in my analysis. This is because of three reasons:
  • I don’t have time to write these 10-page long comparative analysis pieces
  • You probably don’t have the time to read all that
  • Match reviews already exist. There is no point in rehashing it. I want to focus more on analysis
From now, I will provide links to match reviews, which will also give the reader a general feel of the consensus on the match.

Seriously, where do all these girls play tennis??!?!??!!


This week’s 2 Out Of 3 Falls was inspired by a poster (named Loss, who watches a lot of friggin wrestling) at prowrestlingonly.com forums in the 1996 yearbook. In 1996, WCW made their big push against the WWF with the New World Order angle. In addition to a hot angle on top, WCW inject their mid-card with exciting, young international talent especially in their cruiserweight division. Up until 1996, American wrestling promotions featured most of their attention on heavyweights. In an effort to further differentiate their product, WCW made the call to develop and emphasize a cruiserweight division. This division comprised mostly of Mexican luchadores was totally fresh to American wrestling fans who grew to love their breath-taking dives and cool masks.   This week’s piece will look at the beginning of the cruiserweight division through the context of three major superstars of the formative period of the division: Dean Malenko,  Rey Mysterio, Ultimo Dragon (poor Psychosis, he always gets left out). The matches evaluated will  consist of Dean Malenko/Rey Mysterio GAB ’96, Rey Mysterio/Ultimo Dragon.

Iceman


Dean Malenko – “The Iceman” was a part of a dying breed of chain wrestlers with a very workmanlike approach to his wrestling. At his best, Malenko could deliver an interesting, grind-away counterpoint to the flashy style of his opponents such as Eddy Guerrero and Rey Mysterio. However, The “Man of 1000 Holds” often had a tendency to have self-indulgent, ego-masturbatory wankfests for matches. The best way to describe Malenko is that he is like a progressive rock band such as Rush. A very talented individual with lots of moves, but all these moves do not always tell a very interesting story. Originally, he was hailed by smart mark community as one of their darlings and a very underutilized talent. However, in recent years, it seems revisionist history has taken hold and labeled Dean Malenko as boring. By the end of this blog, we will be able to better evaluate if Malenko was a boring, self-indulgent arteest or a highly skilled artist.

Eddie vs Rey what a classic
Rey Mysterio – Between the years 1994-96, Mysterio has the case of being the greatest wrestler in North America. In 1994 and 1995, he was presenting incredible lucha classics against the likes of Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera in Mexico. Lucha is a style that I personally have found very inaccessible. However, even with my hardened heart towards lucha, I have found Rey’s work in Mexico to be interesting and entertaining. In late 1995, Rey and Psicosis took their show on the road to Japan and ECW, where they exposed foreign crowds to lucha libre for the first time to great success. One of my favorite matches of all time is the 2 Out of 3 Falls match between Mysterio/Psicosis in ECW. Thus it was just a matter of time before WCW gobbled up the King of Luchadores: Rey Mysterio to be a part of their new cruiserweight division. In June of 1996, Rey made his debut against the reigning cruiserweight champion Dean Malenko at Great American Bash. I think the comparative analysis of these three matches will allow people to see how well Rey adapted to American audiences and wrestle two very different opponents.



Ultimo Dragon – O Dragon! What a headache you can be, Mr. Asai. Personally, I am a fan of Ultimo Dragon and think when he is on that he is one of best junior heavyweights ever. However, Dragon is prone to fits of laziness or weird psychology. Dragon offers a great array of strikes and high-impact moves (suplexes, powerbombs etc), which are not the specialty of Malenko and Mysterio. Actually he is probably the most well-rounded wrestler offensively of the three as he can take it to the air or wrestle on the mat as well. However, Mysterio blows him away in selling and bumping, which makes hard for Dragon to make up that gap. That is where the Dragon can really hurt his matches. He will oft neglect to sell during latter part of the matches just so he can get all of his cool shit in. His matches can also have poor transitions due to his forgetfulness of earlier psychology and the employment of moves willy nilly. When the Dragon uses his arsenal in a logical fashion and is allowed to control the match, I believe that is when his matches are at their best.

From their July Nitro Match

WCW Cruiserweight Champion Dean Malenko vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
Great American Bash June 16, 1996 ( Scott Keith GAB '96 )

This match simultaneously salvaged the fledging cruiserweight division and made it into a sensation over night. This match is the best exhibition of Malenko’s chain wrestling being entertaining and working well within the confines of the layout. Malenko knows he cannot let Rey create space between them or otherwise face the damage of Rey’s vaunted aerial attack. If he can ground Rey, he eliminates that threat. That is the crux of the match Rey trying to squirm away from Malenko and Malenko trying to wrangle Rey.

From the outset, Malenko is one who is able to strike first with a cool looking Greco-Roman knucklelock arm snapping-thingy. It looked sweet trust me. He works over that arm relentlessly and convincingly with a great variety of moves. It always feels like he is trying to gain a new advantage or add a different degree of pain to Rey’s arm to keep him off-balance. My favorite moment is a flying hammerlock into a kimura that just looks so fuckin sweet. The key in this control segment is that Rey still has hope spots. This was Rey’s debut and it was critical to have these hope spots especially when he did not get an opening shine or you run the risk of jobberizing him.

As the match progresses and Dean is still struggling to put Rey away, you come to see a recurring theme with Malenko he does show emotion. Dean is not more relatable wrestler or the best seller, but he is really good at selling frustration at the inability to put an opponent away. This combined with Rey’s resilience and sympathetic underdog selling creates a very powerful story for the audience that is rooting for the underdog in this debut match against the champion.

When Dean finally does lose control, Rey unleashes that arsenal of aerial maneuvers, which both wow the fans and does a good job displaying why Dean was working so hard to ground Rey. The finish is thrilling with Rey’s quick pinfall attempts and all his quick counters. However, he finally succumbs to a massive powerbomb by Dean, who puts his feet on the ropes for three. The finish is a satisfying climax to this cat and mouse game. Rey looks like a champ with hot finish and Dean is able to retain due to one big move.

Most of what I have read has been in favor of declaring this match a classic, but it feels that many feel the need to defend it against a vocal minority that believes Dean gobbled up Rey for too long. Now, if Dean just sat in an armbar for the entirety of his lengthy heat segment, I would agree. Dean was really active with a lot of gnarly submissions and high-impact blows into pinfalls. It truly felt like he was trying to win a match and I can appreciate that. I think where these critics have a point is that Dean should not have immediately entered into a heat segment. In their subsequent Nitro match in July, Rey has a really cool babyface shine to open it. In that match, it really sets up the idea of what Dean has to fear. If Dean can not ground him, Rey will have him going in circles and Dean really sells that frustration in that match well. In this match, you don’t really get the feeling that Dean has anything to worry about in the context of the match because Rey did not open with anything. The drama in the Great American Bash would have been greatly enhanced by allowing Rey to hit a couple big moves off the bat to demonstrate how he lethal he could be. Since I brought up the Nitro match, the big problem with that match is that Malenko’s heat segment really meanders and is not really as good as this one. The Great American Bash match is a better complete match.

In sum, I think if you tack the babyface shine segment from the Nitro match and splice it into the Great American Bash match you have a Match of the Year Candidate for 1996. As is, it is one of three best matches from 1996 in WCW (Mysterio/Psychosis, Benoit/Sullivan), but doesn’t rank that highly in the world. This heat segment definitively proves in my mind that Dean Malenko is not boring. Can he be boring? Yes and we will see that! But he definitely can be a fuckin fantastic offensive wrestler. I think Dean’s strong suit is as a heel. Malenko is one of the few American wrestlers to always be straddling the face/heel line. I think if the booking team just went full bore with Dean as a sadistic, ground-based heel he would have had more entertaining matches consistently. This match showed how effective he could be as a yin to Mysterio’s yang. Mysterio for his part continued his campaign to be best wrestler in North America. I agree that Mysterio should have worked the majority of the match from underneath. His selling endeared him to the fans, his hope spots were well-timed to keep the audience engaged, and the match was structured to give his aerial spots time to breathe and seem more important to the audience. In the Dragon match, he will not be so lucky. 

One thing I want to debunk is that at least initially the commentary team (sans the Brain) did a very good job trying to get over the cruiserweights. You could feel how excited Dusty was to watch them and how much he enjoyed their work. As time progressed, of course like with all things in the mid-card, the WCW commentary team would just ignore it and talk about the Hogan-related item of the night. 

Thats the fuckin J-Crown. Pretty Badass


J-Crown Champion Ultimo Dragon vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
World War III November 24, 1996 ( Scott Keith WWIII '96 )

[The J-Crown was a set of 8 cruiserweight/junior heavyweight titles from around the world including incidentally enough the WWF Light Heavyweight Title. That’s at the height of the Monday Night Wars the WWF Light Heavyweight Title. The J-Crown always looked impressive as Dragon would walk out with his 8 titles on TV. I actually just watched the two most famous matches from the J-Crown tournament. I highly recommend the semi-final between Shinjiro Ohtani (my choice for best wrestler in the world in 1996) and Ultimo Dragon. The final between Great Sasuke and Ultimo Dragon is a fun high-flying exhibition, but the semi-final is one of the best junior heavyweight matches ever.]

Rey Mysterio had become the centerpiece of WCW’s cruiserweight division, but had dropped the title back to Malenko at Halloween Havoc, the previous month. In this match, it is Rey’s job to cement Ultimo Dragon as the top heel of the cruiserweight division. This is the match where people rightfully so complain of Rey getting gobbled up by Dragon’s offense. Whereas, the Malenko match felt like a struggle where two men were trying to win a match with natural strategies, this match felt like an exhibition of Dragon’s spots. Don’t get me wrong, Dragon has some pretty nifty spots (he busts out the Giant Swing!!!), but never feels like he is trying to win. Instead, he is just trying to show-off all his cool moves. Here is a list of the cool moves:

  • Spinning Argentine Backbreaker
  • Giant Swing
  • Slingshot Powerbomb
  • His Intricate Outside the ring sequence
  • Spinning Tombstone Piledriver
  • Running Ligerbomb
  • Brainbuster
  • Surprisingly did not do the Asai Moonsault (named after him)

This is the type of story that always falls flat with me. It is simply because there is no story. There is not a struggle. It is just an exhibition. It is fun visually, but not emotionally. In addition, Dragon did really use anything to set up his moves. Usually, he uses a ground game to weaken his opponents before he works his shit in. Instead, it just felt like pick up Rey and do his spots.

Rey be assertive. Where were your hope spots? The match was dying because of the babyface was getting totaled out there. It looked like match I had against my stuffed bear yesterday erm I mean 15 years ago. I totally mean 15 years ago.

Dusty was cracking me up throughout the match, but this quote not only makes me laugh, but is accurate portrayal of the match “This is pants-down momma spankin you whuppin!”  Of course at the finish, Rey does make his comeback and hits his visually impressive spots like his somersault plancha. The finish was hot, but the how fuck would the finish not be hot when you have Dragon with his ZILLION moves and Rey flying around at a mile a minute. They had a perfect ending: Dragon is able to catch Rey Rey off the springboard and hit a fuckin Slingshot Powerbomb (BITCHIN~!) for the win.

I have watched this match a lot because I happen to love watching Ultimo Dragon’s offense, but it is not a very dramatic match and thus loses a lot of points in my book.

Spoiler Alert: Dragon wont sell the leg


WCW Cruiserweight Champion Dean Malenko vs J-Crown Champion Ultimo Dragon
Starrcade December 29, 1996 ( Scott Keith Starrcade '96 )

These wrestlers sure did a great job reinforcing each other’s worst behavior. It was a like a vicious feedback loop where the problems just got compounded as the match progressed. Malenko gave one of his tone-deaf performances where he was committed to wrestling HIS match rather than the match the fans wanted. Dragon was in full one-up manship mode and totally focused on getting his offense over rather than getting the match over. Together these two presented an incredibly disjointed performance. It was not horrible, just really weird and not the classic that I was expecting.

During the entrances, Malenko was surprisingly over with fans especially given he was playing a heel in October against Rey. Though, I think was more due to Dragon playing the evil foreigner archetype than Malenko tweaking his character. The problem with Malenko’s performance was that he would do a big move to pop the crowd and then immediately grab a hold in such a way to kill the excitement of the fans, who just wanted to see him let loose. Malenko clearly wanted to work a mat-based style in order to set up the exciting finishing stretch. Dragon can go on the mat with best of them. His matches with Liger and Ohtani prove that. However, Dragon did not seem to get the memo in this match. I think Dragon was under the impression that American crowds were dumb and they just wanted highspots. So he set out to deliver highspots rather working with Malenko. Ergo the transitions were non-existent and each segment felt artificial and in vacuum.

At the beginning of the match Malenko hit a back drop driver to a big pop only to slap on a chinlock and then have Dragon take over is a perfect example of bringing the crowd up only to let them down. This was another problem with the match it felt too back and forth with not real strong stretch to build heat. Dragon runs through his offense until another Malenko back drop driver wakes up the crowd. Surprisingly, Malenko is selling better than Dragon. In a weird moment, Mike Tenay, resident cruiserweight expert analyst says that Dragon should really be pronounced Dragone for some stupid reason. Dusty thinks this is hilarious and proceeds to call him Dragone the rest of the match. I love Dusty Rhodes and I don’t care who knows it.
The finish is definitely the best part of this match as they just say “Fuck the rest of the match, LETS FUCKIN GO!” Dragon busts out a powerbomb to kick things off and the reverse tombstone spot with Malenko executing is always a crowd-pleaser and a great false finish. Malenko hits a Tiger Driver for 2, which was a killer false finish with Dragon timing his kick-out for maximum effect. Dragon adds the Asai Moonsault and Malenko busts out the Texas Cloverleaf before Dragon is able to garner the victory with a Tiger Suplex.

The finish was fun in the same way a Michael Bay action movie is fun because it is just a bunch of big moves strung together. The body of the match was basically non-existent and did not factor into the finish at all. This match is a perfect case for the detractors of both men as Malenko delivered a rather tepid performance until the end and Dragon focused more getting himself over at the expense of the match.

I have NEVER seen such beautiful and ugly form at the same time!

 I do not if somebody got in Dragon’s ear in WCW or if it was his own perception how to work in America because it seems that he believed in a high-spot laden exhibition was the best way to excel in America. Ultimately, Dragon was phased out of WCW by late 1997, whereas an exciting performer like Rey, who worked hard to get the match over and himself became a two-time World Heavyweight Champion and one of the biggest stars in the WWE. For Dragon, I would check out the two J-Crown matches I mentioned early and his match against Jushin Liger in December of 1995 to illustrate how good Dragon can be.

Deano Machino would keep on plugging away in the WCW mid-card until early 2000 when he jumped to WWF and was totally lost in shuffle. However, Malenko now works successfully as a road agent for WWE. Malenko was a great chain wrestler, who sometimes worked matches that were more self-indulgent than anything else. His match against Rey Mysterio proves how his style can mesh incredibly well by building an anticipation to highspots of his opponents. I recommend his matches with Eddie Guerrero in ECW. I cant recommend his match against Benoit at Hog Wild ’96 in full conscience because I have only seen it once and I don’t remember it clearly.

Rey Mysterio became the breakout star of the cruiserweight division because of his ability to adapt his lucha style to the American style. Almost immediately, he understood the idea of playing a sympathetic babyface and timed his hope spots so well. I think sometimes he does let himself get dominated too much like against Dragon, but usually just the credible threat of his highspots is enough to keep the crowd invested. Rey Mysterio before his first knee injury in January 1998 is one of my favorite wrestlers in the world. If you want a good exposure to lucha, I recommend his 9/22/95 match against Psicosis and any of his matches against Juventud Guerrera in AAA. In addition, I would add his ECW matches against Psicosis and his Bash At The Beach ’96 match against Psicosis, which is my pick for match of the year from WCW and his match against Jushin "Thunder" Liger at Starrcade '96. Rounding Rey’s killer first run, everybody needs to see his match against Eddie Guerrero at Halloween Havoc ’97 as it is the pinnacle of the cruiserweight division and one of the top matches in the history of the WCW.

I have not done any tag team matches or matches from WWF/E so I definitely plan on doing something related to that. Until next time,

Yankees Suck! LETS GO TIGERS!!! WORLD SERIES, MUTHAFUCKAS~!       

Friday, October 12, 2012

The Ballad of the One Man Gangbang: 69 Sleeziest Pick-Up Lines

Editor's Note: I originally wrote this for an audience of one, ME! I did a stellar job as I laughed my whole way through. It has been four years so I think this needs some updating!


Hey yo Foxy Ladies and Studmuffins Du Jour,

When I first started this blog, I think this is what a lot of people wanted: an extended version of my event descriptions. Martin, nobody wanted you to blog. Nobody was saying to themselves, good God what I need  in my life is more Martin. Between facebook (Martin Boulevard), twitter (@superstarsleeze) and having to see your candy-ass live and in vivid technicolor, people were not exactly clamoring for more Martin. Yeah then why did I recently reach the milestone of 69 followers, tough guy? (2016 Martin: Doubled that!) Ke$ha still has not replied to you. (2016 Martin: Still true. Single tear) Yes, people the old conversing with myself gag is back and who is that callin me from the kitchen? Is that Dinah that I hear callin me? DINAH IS BACK~! This fine-lookin muthafucka is who is the kitchen with Dinah! (2016 Martin: Totally forgot about how hard I tried to get the Dinah thing over. One of those things that was wicked funny to me that no one else cared about.)

It is the Greatest Hits of Superstar Sleeze. All the classics that make your nether-regions blush with none of the long-term side effects. #AnimalMagnetism (2016 Martin: That hashtag needs to make a comeback pronto)

 I am prone to a lot of adieu (2016 Martin: Hell Yeah I am!) so lets get this clusterfuck underway. As always all the following the material is 100% originally mine except for two instances, which are noted. (2016 Martin: That is true to varying degrees) I HIGHLY recommend the TOP 15!!!!!!!

Hollywood Dream Productions with Shock & Awe Entertainment Proudly Presents The 69 Greatest Pick-Up Lines of Superstar Sleeze 


69. Every summer is the Summer of 69 when you spend it with me, baby

I dont fault Bryan Adams one bit. If I had a Summer of 69 I would be shouting it from the mountain-tops too. (2016 Martin: Great fall pick up line alteration: I don't want my Summer of 69 to end)

68. What do I have to do to earn a backstage pass?

Risky because you never know what they might make you do. Like clean their apartment. *shivers*

67. I will trade my yogurt for some milk. Deal?

Capitalism is a beautiful thing.

66. Let me entertain you with both my heads.

You know why men are inherently better than women because two heads are always better than one! 

65. "I got a lion in my pocket and baby it is ready to roar" - Prince

(2016 Martin: The original pick up line here was a clunker. This has actually been my most successful pick up line of all time so it ought to be included even if it is a direct ripoff of Prince. Prince is the all time greatest sleeze lyric writer. Rest in Purple, my brutha.)

64. May I come inside?

That does not feel original, but it is the greatest double 
entendre in history. Do I hear an argument against?

63. Lookin for some backseat education tonight. Gold Pontiac Trans Am License Plate: EZWUV69

I love a teacher's pet! WOOOOOO

62. I can just tell we are going to get along oh so well! :D

(2016 Martin: The original one was lame. This is actually a really classy pick up line that absolutely slays on the online dating scene. Scored many a number with this bad boy.)

61. All of a sudden I have a wicked hankerin for chestnuts. They go really well with some gravy or so Im told.

Perfect for the upcoming holiday season when you are hanging out with a couple sweater puppies.

60. Do the same rules apply for cameltoe as for mistletoe?
(2016 Martin: That would have to be one tall woman!)
59. Let me unburden my soul all over you.

A little Papal inspired Sleeze. Pope Alexander VI is the original Sleeze OG. (2016 Martin: Look up the Banquet of Chestnuts)

58. Wont you please take ME home tonight? Im homeless!
 
Women love charity cases!

57. #OccupyMyPants
 
Once topical, but if you get with the right bleeding-heart, still effective

56. Are you up for a STIFF challenge?

(2016 Martin: Absolutely shocked this did not make the original list!)

55. You are a very dirty girl. Good thing I have a big hose.

The only thing I like to clean is a girl's mouth. WOOOOOOOOO

54. I'm a pro. I have been practicing on a Slip N Slide since I was 5.

Women are just the human versions of Slip N Slides, right? Right? RIGHT? (2016 Martin: I lol'd pretty hard at this one! Totally forgot about this one.)

53. Here bunny, bunny, here bunny, bunny come nibble on my carrot.

How many bunnies will you see this coming Halloween? A lot. How many will fall for this? All of them. Replace bunny with "kitty", nibble with "lap up" and carrot with "milk" to see the same results with girls dressed as cats. DM me on twitter for my address so you can send me a thank you gift. (2016 Martin: No one ever thanked me! All you ungrateful bastards getting laid without giving proper credit. You will never make my rainy day! Hmmmph!)

52. I like where your head is at, but if we could just get it a bit lower. 

The key to any relationship is open and honest communication.

51. I dont bite unless you want me to.

For maximum effect use the Elvis lip quiver.

50. Why go to Yellowstone National Park? When you can feel Old Faithful all over you right here!

I have dubbed my cock: Old Faithful (2016 Martin: This is not true. Naming your cock is for squares.)


49. Don’t be crestfallen, babe, Im going to get to you too.

Perfect in group settings, it disarms the best friend from being a cock-block. Ergo converting an enemy of your cock into a harborer of your cock. 

48. Would you like to taste Lucifer’s Magic with me? SHOUT AT THE DEVIL~!

Nuthin like a little Devil-Worship to set the mood for a Fun Night of Carnal Lust

47. Hi my name is High Chief HeavyLoad

Actually my American Indian ex named me Chief Hugh G Rection...if Im lyin, Im dyin...can you trust a carny? (2016 Martin: Was your American Ex named Vince Russo? Yep no one is getting that joke.)

46. Im a chemical engineer and I know I can engineer some chemistry between you and me.

This is an example of a shitty pick-up line. Sometimes you have to teach this way.

45. Nobody carries a roll of quarters with them in 2012, dont fear the unit.

The number one reason you dont get laid is because women are afraid of your unit. Dont let them fear the unit!

44. Ready to feel nine inches better?

(2016 Martin: One of the ones I came up with in the past four years and have never gotten a chance to use it! So sad.)


43. Is your name Cinderella? Because I know I am going to be a snug fit.

(2016 Martin: The original was fucking awful. Actually rolled my eyes. Hey, it was pretty hard coming up with 69 sleezy, cheezy pick up lines.)

42. What you see is what you get. But what you dont see is even better yet!

This is the only one, I completely ripped off somebody famous. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find out who. (2016 Martin: Superstar Billy Graham!)

41. Best Male Stripper in Washtenaw County as voted by the Ann Arbor Sun-Telegram 3 years running.

Women like successful men. I thought they liked charity cases? Hmmmm, Dinah is callin me. (2016 Martin: I only kept this because the transition is fantastic!)

#HealthyLiving

40. Dinah, wont you blow my horn?

Always give girls you meet the nickname, Dinah followed by the date. I am currently dating Dinah0728, Dinah0914 and texting Dinah1001. It is not as confusing as it sounds. (2016 Martin: I never did this. I really wanted this "Dinah" thing to work.)

39. Just how far does the rabbit hole go?

Im Portuguese. Exploring is in my nature especially tight crevices.

38. Do you always leave your highbeams on?

She is attracted to you always point this out. Power trips are what sex is all about. Follow up with the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song for maximum effect!

37. Ogle ogle ogle ogle ogle ogle ogle ogle

What? You try coming up with 69 pick-up lines, tough guy!

36. You have 206 bones in your body, how about we make that 207!

My main squeeze, E from 7-Dime helped shape that idea. He is pretty funny and a Nats fan, you can follow him @EvansWithAnS #Natitude

35. Wow, I have always wanted to be the same place as Gene Simmons, Tommy Lee, and Bret Michaels!!!

Until they are all inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, you are going to have settle for 50 year old cooch.

34. Dont you just hate it when "nice" guys bitch about the friend zone?

So I hear women like assholes... (2016 Martin: Nobody likes assholes!)

33. Wanna lick the cream off my cone? 

I only do this with ice cream in my hand, my one foray into prop comedy. Carrot Top would be so proud.

32.  I am the tambourine player for Duran Duran. So you know Im good at rhythmic banging.

Then proceed to flip over a table and sing Hungry Like a Wolf. Panty-dropper! (2016 Martin: I saw Duran Duran this year!!!!)

31. If we are all real quiet, I bet we can hear the ocean between those cans.

Michael Starr of Steel Panther approves this pick-up line!

#HireMeCarWash


  30. Scream while I ream and I will make you gleam with cream.

All this rhyming, I done gone turned myself on. (2016 Martin: I turned myself on again!)

29. You'll be grinning like the Cheshire Cat, when I make you Sticky and Pretty.

All I ever want is to put a nice, big smile on a pretty girl's face. Is that so wrong?

28. Listen here sugar, the Irresistible Force always triumphs over the Immovable Object.

Hit em with some undeniable science and panties will moisten

27. My favorite bird is the peacock, but you definitely strike me as a woodpecker-kinda girl.

If you can do the Woody Woodpecker laugh, bonus points.

26. My thrust is causin all the fuss.

Not much of a pick-up line, just a fact.

25. Kiss my barrel and you'll meet your maker!

Thanks to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Mr. Saturday Night Special for the inspiration. (2016 Martin: Im pretty sure this was a Zodiac Mindwarp rip-off, dude)

24. Buck up little trooper, I always rise again in the morning.

So this isnt a pick-up line as much as a witty "I just banged your brains out and there is more where that came from" line.
 
23. Im buyin what you are sellin, lucky for you I pay in pearls.

Use this one with care. You dont want to end up in jail for propositioning or if she is a hooker you dont want your knees broken by a pimp. Discretion is advised, make sure they know "pearls" = splooge.

22. Take the hostility to the bedroom!

One of my classic lines from Michigan. (2016 Martin: Probably the greatest line I ever came up with. It is a horrible pick up line, but it is just so classic Martin.)

21. Im as bad as you let me be...
 
Leave that toilet seat up, do it. Do it.

What tennis court does she play at?

20. My favorite game is Swallow The Leader! What's yours?

It is also Bill Clinton's favorite game!
 
19. Nobody can deny my hard candy!

What I always have 5 root beer barrels on me. Get your mind out of the gutter.

18. I have a string of pearls for those big girls.

Did I mention they were edible?

17. Weebles wobble, but they all fall for my #AnimalMagnetism

People still know what Weeble Wobbles are, right? (2016 Martin: Surprisingly did not use that many out of date references!)

16. *Aggressive Bedroom Eyes*

Sometimes all it takes is a point, thrust and a WOOOOOO to ravish a woman. My most successful pickup technique. Some things are just best left unsaid. (2016 Martin: "Why talk with your lips when you can talk with your hips!")

15. Me: Who would think would win in a staring contest? Her: Me, obvi Me: I agree; I am prettier.

(2016 Martin: The original comment sucked, but this is one of all-time favorites! It is one that makes you think!)

14.  Were those a present or are you just that blessed?

This one just gets it all out there. She has a nice rack. You want to talk about it and feel it. She wants to talk about it. But instead of saying, "nice rack" add a little pizzazz with this line. 

13. I am the best dentist in town. Nobody drills and fills better than me!

I am going to keep drilling this in when in doubt rhyme.

12. Laughter is the first step to the female orgasm

This is a good follow-up once you got her laughing. Add that there are x number of steps still unknown and that you are the lead researcher. I bet you will have a subject immediately! (2016 Martin: I came up with this in line of the RMV when I saw a guy making his girlfriend laugh. Yes, I am sensitive!)

11. Sugar this aint no museum exhibit. This is a muthafuckin pettin zoo and the Boston Peacock is the main exhibit.

"Pet the Sweaty" - Tommy Lee, best advice going today. The Top 10 is some of my best work, stay tuned! (2016 Martin: UGH! THE BOSTON PEACOCK NICKNAME! The AA Folk Hero was badass, but the Boston Peacock was not. Some things are best left forgotten)


10. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, well I am as hard as a diamond and lasts just as long.

Energizer Bunny certified.

9. I dont swallow my pride, but you sure can.

Nutritious N Delicious

8. Im one hard act to swallow.

Used best after CRUSHING the club with the Force of your Thrust!

7. They say it is all about inner beauty. Mine is vanilla-flavored.

The number one choice off my menu.

6. If you want me to go away, all you have to do is BLOW ME [pregnant pause] AWAY!

This one would have finished higher, but it best works after you have exhausted all your arsenal and this is a last-ditch attempt to win her over. FACT: Every guy who hears you say this will want to be your friend. You can never have enough dude friends.

5. May I take your picture? I want to post it on my #ThingsThatGiveMeForeverWood Tumblr.

Just made this one special for this posting and now I have to go make a Tumblr. What a hard life I lead. (2016 Martin: Things that give me forever wood! I had forgotten about that.)
 
4. I want to take you to the learning tree and drop my knowledge ALL. OVER. YOU.

I have one well-crafted learning tree... (2016 Martin: Honestly you can add "all over you" to most sentences to make them sexual.)

3. I'll have the Poontang Pie Ala Mode

Just made this one up last night and instantly fell in love with it. I have a wicked sweet tooth. Care to indulge me? (2016 Martin: Did I order myself cum-covered pussy in 2012? That ought to read I will make it poontang pie ala mode!)

2. To answer your question: NINE INCHES!

A sleezy favorite among my friends and fans. Just know, false advertising is illegal, I have never broken the law. (2016 Martin: I don't know if this one is true anymore, I might have grown...;) )

1. Interested in a One Man Gangbang?

Could really any other pick-up line top this list? It is the original. It is my calling card. Tonight, I want everybody to have a one man gangbang! (2016 Martin: I love this one!)


In the eternal words of My Future Ex-Wife, Ke$ha, go get laid, muthafuckas!!!!!


Sunday, October 7, 2012

2 Out of 3 Falls: Brian Pillman, Lex Luger, Ricky Steamboat


Hey yo,

I had thought I had seen it all in my 18 years of watching soap operas and then Bold and Beautiful busts out a Defenestration, shades of Prague circa 1618 to jump start the Thomas-Rick feud for CEO. Great, great ending to the weekend.

If we are real quiet, I bet we can hear the ocean between those cans!


I have half of the Mysterio, Malenko, and Dragon 2 Out Of 3 Falls written, but with the 15th Anniversary of Brian Pillman’s passing, I thought it would be timely to cover one of the sharpest minds of the wrestling business. Pillman was a thinking man’s wrestler that maximized the most of his talents to deliver hotly contested wrestling matches. Due to compounding injuries and drug usage, Pillman reinvented himself as the “Loose Canon” a gimmick that blurred the lines between fact and fiction. The “Loose Canon” allowed Pillman to utilize that raspy voice (a result of numerous surgeries as a child to remove throat polyps) to its greatest effect whipping up WCW, ECW and WWF fans throughtout late 1995 until his death on October 5, 1997. While I love these promos and character, at this point in his career Pillman had largely been rendered immobile and his best years in the ring were left behind him. This has led Jim Ross, one of his biggest supporters, to declare that Brian Pillman died of a broken heart due to his failure to realize his dreams to become a main event player in the wrestling world. Since this is a blog that focuses more on in-ring work, not to say I don’t love a good promo and solid character work, I will be focusing on the years when Pillman is one of the greatest wrestlers in the world, but due to his size he was relegated to the mid-card. The mid-card is a very integral part of the wrestling show. Even though, the main event is what draws fans into arena, the fans aspect an entertaining show for three hours. When Pillman was on the card, the fans were ensured one helluva wrestling bout. My theory about Pillman is that his usage would have been maximized as a wrestling antihero. He was best as wrestling as a babyface, but better in the stick as a heel. Lets see if I can back this up by analyzing babyface contest against heel US Champion Lex Luger in 1989 and a heel performance with “Stunning” Steve Austin as the Hollywood Blonds against World Tag Champs Ricky Steam and Shane Douglas.

Best Sunglasses In The Biz


A quick word on the other contestants in the ring:

Lex Luger – I am a huge Luger mark and probably the biggest on the internet. The general consensus has finally arrived at the conclusion that I had, which is Luger from 88-91 was involved in some excellent bouts. They only make this conclusion stating that Luger could be carried by his opponent. I assert that Luger was one of the Best in the World in that timeframe. I hope to prove that in this blog and future blogs.

Ricky Steamboat – Is one of the best fundamental wrestler you will ever find, great at everything, but only truly spectacular at selling. His offense was solid and for the time you could say his aerial tactics were top shelf, but he was never going to give you crazy chain wrestling, a spotfest or a violent brawl. Instead, he would leverage his extraordinary selling to elicit sympathy from the audience building tension for his heated comeback. The central question about Steamboat is he the greatest babyface ever?

Steve Austin – You may have heard of this tough SOB’s name. Well before Austin became a beer-drinking, stunnering, foul-mouthed redneck, he was a blond, old-school heel from Hollywood. I think Austin always preferred being a heel and truly enjoyed the chickenshit and comedic aspect of being a heel. This is why he pushed for his 2001 heel turn because to him that was what true classic wrestling was. In this performance, he delivers an inspired heel performance 

Shane Douglas – The funny thing about Shane is that due to youthful appearance and long blond hair he was cast as a bouncing babyface both as Johnny Ace’s tag team partner and now as Steamboat’s tag partner. What is funny about that is Shane Douglas is one angry prick. From his ECW work, he found out just how fuckin angry he was. But even in these tags with Steamboat when he was supposed to be a smiling, happy-go-lucky babyface, you could tell it was forced because he was just an angry young man. I have a watched a lot of fuckin Shane Douglas over the past day, but this match against Blonds is probably the greatest performance of his career.

Sssssshhhh this was my sister's crush when she was 6. Ssssshhh I didnt say that. Lex Luger


NWA US Heavyweight Champion “The Total Package” Lex Luger vs Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Great American Bash 1989

Backstory: Steamboat lost the World Heavyweight Championship to Ric Flair at Wrestlewar 1989 (candidate for greatest match of all time). Terry Funk was looking to get a shot at Flair after being snubbed and then summarily piledriving Flair on a table. This was 1989 so that was some wild fuckin shit. First Funk had to beat Steamboat and this was built as the Main Event of June’s Clash of the Champions. So one day, Luger interrupts a Steamboat/Funk promo and cuts the promo of his life. As much, I love Luger, I always thought his promos sucked the big one due to dry mouth and lack of any rhythm. So after Funk/Steamboat, Luger comes out and destroys Steamboat with a chair to seal his heel turn and set up this match. Now the match is supposed to be No Disqualification with build being Steamboat getting his revenge during this match.

Steamboat has a ridiculous entrance as he is carried to the ring on a plank with the least terrifying looking komodo dragon all the while he looks terrified of falling. Luger’s entrance actually malfunctions as he is on a rotating disk that is supposed to show him doing bodybuilder poses. He tries to spin with his feet and when it wont give so he just turns around and flexes. It is funnier if you watch it, I pinky swear. So Luger marches to the ring and he will have none of the NO DQ stip. In fact, if Steamboat does not waive it, he is taking his ball and going home. This makes sense because in a No DQ match the champion loses his advantage and in essence the title is held-up. Steamboat just wanting to get his hands on the Total Package accepts Luger’s desired alterations.

First thing I LOVE about this match is that Steamboat leaves his usual armdrags and armbars at the door because HE IS PISSED~! The beginning they establish Luger is stronger and Steamboat is quicker with multiple quick pinfalls. Ross and Caudle work to establish Luger’s heel turn even mentioning that some fans continue to cheer for him even though he mocks them (heel fans in 1989, they never got laid). Steamboat brings the hate with chops, dropkicks and a back body drop. Luger takes a powder and Steamboat continues his onslaught with an atomic drop. In one of Luger’s favorite spots, Luger cuts Steamboat with a kneelift as the Dragon attempted to get back in the ring. Luger is using Steamboat’s intensity against him and is setting up opportunities to create an advantage for himself. He follows that up with a  wicked lariat on Steamboat. But Steamboat will not be denied as he drives Luger’s head into a table on the outside.

Back in Ross informs us that Luger said “A good big man would beat a good little man everytime”. Luger catches Steamboat as he comes off the top rope with a punch to the gut. This continues the theme of Luger being able to turn Steamboat’s reckless abandon against him. Luger immediately follows up with a backbreaker and a Gorrila Press slam, which gets an audible pop. This time Luger established a heat segment with his focus on the lower back. The first act of the match was all about Steamboat’s anger and intensity and Luger looking for a way to stifle him. This introduces three elements:
  • set up for the Torture Rack
  • Will Luger get cocky or will he attack purposefully now that he has grounded Steamboat
  • This whole match the Dragon has been offense how will he react on defense
  • Luger doin extra taunting in order to get a heel reaction

Funny spot as Luger bitches about the count, Steamboat rolls him up quickly and the ref fast counts him. Tommy Young is one cheeky bastard. Luger, in a fit of frustration, rattles off three big lariats. Steamboat does the out on his feet, swinging in their aimlessly, fall on his ass sell job. Got to love Steamboat! Luger connects with a powerslam for two and finally a “Luger Sucks” chants starts. Steamboat catches him with a cross-body to get two in a well-timed hope spot. After trading moves, Luger crashes and burns over the top off a missed lariat (a typical 1989 Luger spot). Steamboat proved resilient, which forced Luger to go for a big bomb. This allowed Steamboat to use his quickness to cause Luger to miss his big bomb. 

Greatest babyface ever? Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat


Luger falls on top of Steamboat on a bodyslam attempt for a 2 count putting over the fatigue at this point of this grueling contest. Luger eats a Flair press slam off the top and Steamboat gets a second wind a barrage of chops and dropkicks ensue. Steamboat connects with a top rope chop to get a 2 count. Now Steamboat is the one frustrated because he finally hit his big bomb and it only led to a two count. Luger grabs a chair (the same weapon he used on him a month ago), but as the ref blocks him from using it, Steamboat is able to catapult him into the corner with chair meeting Luger’s skull. Steamboat letting his anger get the best of him attacks Luger with chair thus getting DQ’d. Steamboat chases Luger to the back with the chair as that segment ends.

I fuckin love this match. Everything makes sense and it is so heated and action-packed. Steamboat does not work any holds and is out to punish Luger. He starts going for big bombs and Luger is able to finally stifle him. Luger works him over nicely and gets the crowd going. Luger gets frustrated and goes for a bomb and misses letting Steamboat back into the match. Then when Steambat hits his big move and cant get the win the drama kicks into overdrive because it feels as if it is only a matter of time before Steamboat wins. Only for Luger to feel the only way to save his title is the chair. Then Steamboat letting his emotions get the best of him use the chair to inflict more punishment on him. One of my personal favorite matches and all-time classic, definitely check this match out.

Flyin Brian with Extra Day-Glo


NWA US Heavyweight Champion “Total Package” Lex Luger vs “Flyin” Brian Pillman
Halloween Havoc 1989  

I do not know of any backstory to this match. Basically, I get the feeling that Pillman was a bright newcomer so they put him in there with one of the top heels and give him a shot at a major title and see how he does. This is one of the smartest worked matches I have ever seen. It is not like Steamboat/Luger, which has the ability to play off a feud. Instead all the drama in the match has to be generated between the ropes, which is not an easy task. Now factor in that both men debuted about three years before this and it is a very tough challenge. Both men delivered in spades with big time performances and getting very good crowd heat throughout.

The story does take a couple of viewings before you get a good grasp of it. It seems that not even announcers really understood what was going on as he often wondered why Luger was not going for power moves instead of his strike-oriented offense. All will be explained in the following paragraphs.

Instead of establishing the obvious Luger strength advantage, they put over Pillman’s tenacity by letting him stick with collar-elbow tie-up and get a playful slap out of that. Luger does not take to kindly to the insolence from the rookie (it was Pillman’s first year with company) and takes him to the woodshed. Then he gets cocky after all he is Lex Fuckin Luger. Pillman does not take kindly to that and just tackles him to the ground then follows it up with a chop, back body drop, dropkick, baseball slide and another chop. Luger is giving Pillman a lot here and making him look really good. Air Pillman misses and Luger bails; Pillman gives chase. Luger cuts Pillman off with a kneelift, hmmm where I have seen this before. Luger tries to set up for a power move to consolidate the advantage but Pillman evades him with a cross body block, which gets two. Pillman then grounds the more powerful Luger with an armdrag and wristlock.

This is the sequence I just fuckin love about this match. Pillman started off full of piss and vinegar, but that got him in trouble so now he is content with controlling the pace with an armbar. This frustrates Luger rather than really hurting him. Everytime, Luger tries to get something going on offense Pillman will use his quickness to get back into the armbar. They go back to this like three times, which really hammers home the point. Pillman does not how to put away Luger and Luger cant use his strikes to set up a control segment because of Pillman’s quickness. This only works because Luger consciously only uses strikes and no slams or suplexes during this portion. You really get a feeling that Pillman is out-wrestling Luger, but you are worried that he wont put him away. Perfect analogy is when an underdog has the slight lead on a favorite the whole game. You are in shock that they are hanging tough with the favorite and as the match progresses you are nervous if they can hold on. Just like in that scenario, when the favorite or Luger in this case starts to build momentum your stomach drops.

That’s when it happens. Pillman goes for the put away and crashes and burns on a splash attempt. Now Luger finally has the ability to put together an offensive sequence that makes Pillman only more sympathetic as he takes an ass-kicking from the much bigger Luger. Luger crushes him with a wicked clothesline from behind, steps on his throat and a delayed vertical suplex gets two as he releases all that frustration. As Pillman tries t build a comeback, Luger sends him crashing through the ropes onto the outside with a well-timed leverage move. Pillman gets a sunset flip for two when he gets back in and then Luger crashes and burns on his big lariat attempt as he hurdles over the rope to the floor. It is such a great spot because it looks visually impressive and Luger uses it late in matches to put over the fact his opponent is so resilient that he needs to go for a big move to end it, but cant connect. As they tussle on top, Pillman pushes Luger off the top and gets a sunset flip for 2. Pillman follows this up with a flying reverse elbow for 2. Now the place is rocking as Luger is begging off and Pillman is looking like a million bucks. Air Pillman (springboard clothesline) connects, but only gets two as Luger puts his foot on the ropes (protecting the finisher). Pillman misses a dropkick and Luger connects with a hotshot to escape with title.

Luger gave so much to Pillman throughout the match. In the beginning, he let Pillman look like his equal in the collar-elbow tieup. He sold for Pillman well during the hot shine segment. Then he let Pillman control a well-put together body of the match, which illustrated how Pillman’s quickness was besting Luger’s power. The heat segment put over Pillman’s resilience. Then finally the Pillman comeback really felt like Pillman was one move away from winning. The finish paid off how Pillman’s mistakes were his downfall and that Luger escaped with his title by hitting one lucky move off. Fabulous match and really shows how Luger was one of the best workers in the world in 1989 and that Pillman had a bright future ahead of him.   

Always the jokesters: The Hollywood Blonds


NWA/WCW World Tag Team Champions Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat & Shane Douglas vs The Hollywood Blonds (Brian Pillman & Steve Austin)
Clash of the Champions XXII

I watched three Pillman vs Steamboat/Douglas matches. Even though everyone says the Windham/Pillman and Blonds title change are the better matches. I have to disagree to me this is the best of the series. They pack more action in here and really build to heated finish. Yes the finishes of the other two matches are more satisfying, but the build is better in this match and the finish of this match is logical. Holistically, I prefer this match because of the real exciting shine section and a good employment of Blonds stock spots even if they had not started using the Towel yet.

From the outset, the announcers inform us that this title match will have a 30 minute time limit as opposed to a 60 minute time limit thus they expect a faster-paced match than normal. As if the wrestlers were hearing them, deliver an exciting, action-packed match. It was almost like the wrestlers were instructed to do that or something. Weird.

I love the agrression Austin displays and then how due to an early Pillman save and everything breaks down into a big melee with the faces sending the Blonds packing. It really lends to the big match atmosphere. Steamboat and Douglas are able to isolate Pillman’s arm and repeatedly come off the top onto the arm utilizing the quick tag. So early on it is established that Steamboat & Douglas are a smart tag team and consummate wrestlers. Pillman grabs a handful of hair and then feigns a knee injury off a criss cross to create an artificial timeout (THERE ARE NO TIMEOUTS IN WRESTLING!!! As every announcer ever has yelled). This establishes that Pillman and Austin are willing and capable of taking every shortcut to get ahead in this match. Douglas catches Pillman with a powerslam as he comes off for a springboard. This spot demonstrates that the babyfaces will be able to overcome the Blonds’ cheating because they are smarter and more talented. The babyfaces in all circumstances should always look better. Pillman tags out. Austin and Douglas do a surprisingly good and fluid chain sequence. It is not that long, but for 1993 it looks amazing. Douglas comes out on top with a double wristlock and is looking like a million bucks. He has been on top of his game all match. Austin uses the hair to escape, but Douglas cuts him off with the drop toe-hold (I love drop toe-holds), Steamboat is in and executes a hammerlock slam (I love that move too). This match has featured great psychology from the babyfaces. That is what is really lacking from the other two matches I mentioned. It felt like the early shine segment was meandering and aimless. In a really fun sequence, Steamboat press slams Douglas on top of Austin and when Pillman comes into save, Steamboat press slams him on Austin. That sequence had me smiling and the crowd rocking because the heels were really hamming it up. 

Pillman impersonating Ric Flair in the Famous Flair For The Old Skit


Austin is able to drop down and use a leverage move (grab the Dragon’s tights) to send Steamboat crashing into Pillman’s elbow (REMEMBER THIS) and then Austin is able to immediately capitalize with a belly-to-back suplex to kick off the face-in-peril segment. Pillman comes in and sucker punches Douglas, which causes the ref to be detained to calm down Douglas allowing for Pillman to throw Steamboat over the top rope (which should be a DQ in ’93 WCW). This has the crowd really hot as Pillman taunts the crowd as he grins like a Cheshire Cat. Austin follows this up with a bodyslam on the outside, but Douglas is there to break it up. Pillman brings Steamboat back in with a vertical suplex and really tries to press his advantage with multiple pinfalls. Steamboat uses a sunset flip as his hope spot but the ref is distracted by Austin in a good spot. Austin is in and hits a gutwrench suplex (one of my favorite suplexes). Austin suckerpunches Douglas to set up sending Steamboat into Pillman’s elbow again. However, they pay this off with Steamboat catching Pillman with an elbow instead and he take his wicked Pillman bump (“chin first” on the guard rail). I love how the Blonds attempted to use the move that gave them the advantage only for them to have this turned around on them making the babyfaces look that much smarter. However, Austin still cuts off Steamboat with a belly-back suplex and then with overhead body vice. I have to say while it is boring as a bearhug, it is at least more visually impressive. As the Blonds try to go for their coup de grace, Steamboat evades and Air Pillman strikes Austin. After a bit of struggle, Steamboat is able to tag in Douglas.

THE CROWD IS ROCKING!!! Katie Bar The Door, Shane Douglas is a HOUSE OF FIRE!!! He is just crushing everything in sight. Douglas hits the Belly To Belly on Pillman. Douglas had polished off Windham/Rhodes and Windham/Pillman with this exact move, but Austin is able to come off the top to make the save. Steamboat attacks Austin on the outside, but as the ref restrains Steamboat Austin grabs a title belt and whacks Douglas in the head as he had Pillman rolled up in the plain view of the ref. This is an auto DQ. Pillman DDTs Steamboat and Douglas blades off the belt shot. In one of my favorite visuals, Steamboat tries to cover Douglas with is own body while Pillman whips both of them with the gold belts.

This is more of a fun match than the previous Luger matches. It is like the Blonds/Douglas&Steamboat is a fun action blockbuster and the Luger matches are Oscar candidates. The Blonds match told such a simple storyline of how the babyfaces clearly outclassed the Blonds, but the Blonds were willing to cheat and thus the faces would have to overcome that obstacle. In addition, the match was wrestled at a wicked fast-paced with well-thought out spots. Every spot mattered and every spot led to a payoff. The best example is how Austin’s leverage move into the Pillman elbow got them the advantage, but when they go back to it Steamboat turns the tables on them and it leads to the Pillman bump. If you want a fun 16 minute sprint, I cant think of many better matches, you will have a smile on your face the entire time.

The Hollywood Blonds would pick up the tag team titles in March of 1993 only to drop the titles to the Horsemen team of Arn Anderson and Paul Roma in July of 1993 only for the Blonds to disband. The Blonds have gained legendary status on the internet as prime evidence that WCW's booking was rooted in keep the good 'ol boys club on top and that any other act that gets over is buried.  Thus the Blonds are looked on as a shining spot in an otherwise lackluster 1993 WCW and have gained that special mythos. They did have a badass catchphrase "This is your brush with greatness". Truth seems to be that the Blonds did not draw too well against Flair/Anderson and thus the decision was to resume Austin's singles push as he went onto capture the US Heavyweight Championship. In addition, the Blonds while having fun tag matches like this and against the Horsemen and Scorpio/Bagwell really failed to have that one true classic match. This being said the Blonds were a lot of fun and excelled as an old-school heel tag team that got under you skin.

Whether it was a heel or babyface, Brian Pillman always wanted to make sure the crowd was entertained and he made sure of that until his dying day. Rest In Peace, Brian Pillman.

The next blog will definitely highlight WCW’s crusierweight division as we look at Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko and Ultimo Dragon.