In honor of 11/11/11, VH1 Classic, the last remaining bastion of Heavy Metal, has declared today, National Metal Day. If you dont understand this, I pray to Ozzy to have mercy to have on your soul, but let me take you to the learning tree and drop my knowledge all over you.
While many of you have watched the Rockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap (now lacking umlauts), many of you have not heard the ground-breaking, earth-shattering, metal masterpiece, Smell The Glove. Until now, because this incredibly good-looking motherfucker has EXHUMED this masterpiece and is ready to share it with all of you because I am a SELFLESS, not SELFISH person.
I have a string of pearls for those girls. Just another way I am SELFLESS!
So I have stumbled upon the track listing of the ultra-rare, Smell The Glove album by Spinal Tap, the LOUDEST metal band in well metal, of course. However, I only saw the song titles and then it hit me all these songs have been covered by other various metal bands and it is my job to alert everyone that Spinal Tap lives through these artists. So I, Martin Fuckin Boulevard, @Superstarsleeze, the #AAFolkHero, the Bastion of Humility and the Coolest Kid in the Room have compiled for the first time ever: all of the songs off the double-LP masterpiece, Smell The Glove, Don't worry Canada and Japan I did not leave you out, there are both of the Canadian bonus tracks and all three of the Japanese Bonus Tracks. Up The Irons!Bang Your Head! Hail Satan!, but most importantly LETS FUCKIN ROCKKKKKKKKKK!
Personification of Heavy Metal
In the Name of Ozzy, Dio and Halford,
SHOUT AT THE DEVIL!!!!!
Smell The Glove Track Listing
1. Judas Priest - Breaking The Law
My brother and I decided if you don't like this riff, we don't like you.
2. Motorhead - Ace of Spades
This IS SPEED METAL. Motorhead stole the umlauts from Spinal Tap, too. Has anyone ever seen Derek Smalls and Lemmy in the same place? Just saying...
3. Van Halen - Aint Talking Bout Love
This is Nigel Tufnel's signature song while he was not talking about love, he was talking about fuckin. But David Lee Roth, King of Subtlety, decided to leave that portion out only because HE FORGOT THE FUCKIN WORDS (Diamond Dave Being Diamon Dave)
4. Megadeth - Tornado of Souls
I LOVE Dave's snarl on this (St. Hubbins would kill on this) and I would die a little inside too if Dave kissed me. EWWWY
5. Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills
Originally the song was "Run to the Stage", but then when Tap could never find the stage, it was altered to give the album a political song. The galloping riff is perfect for NWOBHM, Iron Maiden and Bruce supplies power that I dont think David ST. Hubbins had.
6. Deep Purple - Highway Star
Purple & Blackmore are the most under-rated and under-appreciated band in rock and metal. But that's probably because everyone knows this is Spinal Tap's song. Poseurs.
7. KISS - Shout It Out Loud
Best party song ever! EVAH~! KISS wishes they could write a song this good. But Gene Simmons invented Spinal Tap. So he get his royalties anyways.
8. Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
My favorite song as a child. Smell the glove vs Animal Magnetism (Cover art), More misogynistic cover? Gotta go with the original in Tap's, just another thing the Scorps ripped off from Tap. Nostalgia will rock you like a hurricane.
9. AC/DC - Whole Lotta Rosie
Preach on AC/DC, tits on sticks just aint no fun. Tap loved the Big-Bottomed Girls RIP Bon Scott
10. Led Zeppelin - Dazed & Confused
Soul of a woman was created below. I bet more than a fair share of women smelt Plant's glove. RIP Bonham
11. Slayer - Seasons in the Abyss
You cant celebrate National Metal Day without SLAYERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! But most Slayer is unlisetnable except for this thrash classic from Spinal Tap, which SLAYERRRRRRRRRRR covered.
12. Motley Crue - Shout At The Devil
Et tu, Nikki? My favorite song was a rip-off from Spinal Tap. It still fuckin rocks! Shout At The Devil!
13. Dio - Rainbow in the Dark
My favorite metal vocalist. So much emotion, but his best song was a cover? RIP Ronnie James Dio.
14. Def Leppard - Rock of Ages
I gotta fever and the only cure is MORE HARMONY! Def Lep's only addition to this otherwise, note-for-note cover from Spinal Tap.
15. Black Sabbath - Children of the Grave
Even the Riff-Lord bows down to Nigel.
16. Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock
If you dont like this song, you take yourself way tooooooooo seriously and go eat a shit sandwich.
17. Accept - Balls to the Wall
Metal Midget! If only he was on stage for the Stonehenge performance!
18. Ozzy Osbourne - Over the Mountain
My brother's favorite song. I occasionally hear him mutter "This song is so good." just over and over again. I dont have the heart to tell him it was a cover. RIP Randy Rhodes
19. Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls
My mother's favorite metal song, which kind of makes it un-metal except its Spinal Tap at their fuckin best. Thank God 80's Metallica covered this song and not shitty Lou Reed & Metallica. RIP Cliff Burton
20. Quiet Riot - Metal Health
This is HEAVY METAL! So BANG YOUR HEAD!!! So both of Quiet Riot's hits were covers? That explains a lot. RIP Kevin DuBrow
Canadian Bonus Tracks
21. Ratt - Round & Round
Canada always gets the best stuff. Even the bonus tracks from Spinal Tap rAwK! Hallmark of a true band. RATT N ROLL 4 LIFE!!! RIP Robbin Crosby
22. Mercyful Fate - Evil
Because you arent metal without a little devil-worship Hail Satan!
Japanese Bonus Tracks
23. W.A.S.P. - L.O.V.E. Machine
Before Lady Gaga had exploding breasts, Blackie Lawless had an exploding cod-piece, which he was inspired by the fact that Spinal Tap drummer always explodes. Guess which one I think is cooler.
24. Skid Row - Monkey Business
This song was originally called Spunky Business and featured such lyrical gems as "I am going to make you gleam with cream" and "Sticky N Pretty, thats what you will be, when you are fuckin me!" Seb Bach and the boys re-worked the lyrics to get on MTV. MONK YEAH!
25. Steel Panther - Death To All But Metal
Spinal Tap was physic or the Goo Goo Dolls were some very well-crafted blow-up dolls that St. Hubbins loved to fuck. Totally fuckin radical, dude. Because in the 21st Century Heavy Metal still lives! Everybody shout Heavy Metal is Back!
Without question, Spinal Tap has created the greatest album in the entire world. Beach Boys' Pet Sounds can suck it, this shit rules so hard, it would make Pet Sounds sound like a moose in heat. Seriously, go listen to an audio track of a moose in heat, it makes dubstep sound bearable. If only one day, we could hear the real Smell The Glove...
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