So for most members of the mainstream world there is only one pro wrestling company: WWE. In reality there are many independent promotions sprawled across America. Bigger than these promotions because they are on national cable (Spike TV) and have monthly PPVs is Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA, get it? O the hilarity). It was named by the same guy who thought Hugh G Rection was a good name for a wrestler. (Vince Russo for those wondering).
Usually I am busy on Thursday, but having taken a final this morning and not having another one until Monday. I figured enough about music. Let's sit back, watch some wrestling and write about it.
Already, a good decision because the hot blonde chick is in the front row. That is the first difference between WWE and TNA. WWE tours every week throughout the week. TNA films almost all TV from Universal Studios in Orlando, FL. Therefore there are regulars that attend every show. There is this one hot blonde chick and a wicked hot red-head that populate the front row frequently. My fiery red-head is not in attendance. They are clearly plants to get more males to attend the show, but I dont mind some eye-candy. It is way better than the guy with the dopey, vacuous countenance that me and my brother mock every time we watch the show together.
We kick off the show with a bang. The nefarious TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode, the self-proclaimed "Leader of the Selfless Generation" (They dont make monikers like they used to) retained his title over "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles at the PPV by taking a draw. BOOOOOO! The stipulation (TNA likes stips) was the winner was who could accumulate the most decisions (pinfalls/submissions/DQ/countouts) in a 30 minute time span. This is dubbed an Ironman match. So at 3 falls apiece, Roode shrewdly ran out the clock knowing a draw would retain his title.
The booking was hotly debated this week. Many smarks (a portmanteau of smart and mark. A mark is a sap for falls for a con. Smart indicates we are wise to the business.) look down on TNA as bush-league bullshit with poor booking. I agree TNA has ADD booking, but it can be entertaining and exciting. It is a breath of fresh air from the safe, sterile booking of WWE. Many smarks hate inconclusive finishes especially to main events of PPVs, which is sensible you want to see a clean finish for something you pay for. This is Roode's first run with the title and he needs wins over credible babyfaces, but the draw does drag the program out in a clever fashion.
Styles is who I consider the best American wrestler in the world. He is a perfect blend of high-flying, good-psychology and excellent selling. He has the task of making Roode look like a star and nobody could be better for that.
A wonderfully spirited 5-minute match that blows most of WWE out of the water. The chain wrestling was fluid there was some illogical breaks, but it was never dull. Roodes continued the story of trying to milk the clock, which led to a cool spot where AJ cut Roode off at the pass with a bicycle kick from the floor. Apparently, Styles' leg was targeted at the PPV and he re-injured it on a springboard 450 splash. The clock ran out again only for the current Authority Figure of the Month Sting (a rightful knock on TNA is the revolving door of authority figures. I am sick of wrestling authority figures) to make it a fall to the finish.
Summarily, Roode chop-blocked the knee and slapped on a vicious-looking half-crab for the submission victory. They should have just done that on the PPV. Good booking just do it on the PPV. Since they did not bad booking.
Next segment is Mexican Heavyweight Hernandez teaming with a Welsh Bodyguard Robbie T. in a what the announcers tell me is a wildcard tag tourney (partners drawn at random). I didnt hear what the winner of this tourney gets and if this is the first round. I presume it is. SCOTTY STEINER~! (Fellow University of Michigan Alumni). He is tagging with fr-enemy, Abyss, who is deranged, sociopathic monster who wears a mask. Steiner and Abyss used to be on the same team, Immortal, but Abyss kept fucking shit up. So they gave him a hard time, but the big lug has feelings. Now I could have sworn Abyss already beat the shit out of Immortal, but Steiner seemed to convey there was just tension and there was still a chance to make amends.
The match was decent. Steiner snaps off a couple sweet suplexes. Abyss cleaned house. Then feigned attacking Steiner instead tagging him letting him get the pin. Oooooooo SWERVE~! So interested see where this goes next! NOT!!! NEXT!
Kurt Angle, a real Olympic Gold Medalist in wrestling at the 1996 Olympics, is pissed he jobbed to James Storm (Bobby Roode's former partner). So he is out to complain to Sting. Sting says it is time for both them to move on. So Angle threatens to break everyone's legs in Storm's hometown to get him into rematch. I guess that is logical. Extreme, but logical. Good, simple storyline. Angle feels like he is a bigger badass and wants to prove it.
Next up is the X-Division (high-flying crusierweights). Some jabroni, who gets a jobber entrance takes on a guy named Zema Ion. Spot-rest-spot match. The spots were pretty good. Ion was intended to be the star of the match. He pulled up the jobber twice when he had the pinfall in hand before getting a win with a 450 splash off the top. Pulling up a wrestler at a 2-count is usually a death knell. This sign of hubris is usually followed up by loss by the arrogant wrestler. By letting him win, they put over Ion nicely. He could be good, I am keeping my eye on him.
So "Nature Boy:" Ric Flair is in the back hyping everyone's favorite vanilla heel, Gunner. I dont get what they see in this guy. They gave him some big wins over Sting and AJ early then decided to he wasnt ready and he got lost in the shuffle. Then he picked on Eric Bischoff's kid, who is a ref. Bischoff is a wrestling executive, who is very controversial, who's claim to fame is he is the only promoter to topple WWF for a time with his WCW. Flair wants Gunner to take out Jesse Neal because I read the dirt sheets. I know Neal is on his way out because TNA wanted him to go to the minor leagues to refine his skills and he quit. Jesse, swallow your pride because with that mohawk no girl is going to.
Predictably, Gunner drops Neal on his head on exposed concrete. I would have given Gunner the win and then had him take him out. Whatever.
Jeff Hardy (drug-addict) defeated Jeff Jarrett (good Southern veteran). Per stipulation (told you they like stipulations), Sting has the ability to fire either Jarrett or his insufferable, but hot wife, Karen. At first when they are together they both offer to step down for each other. However, when Karen is alone with Sting she throws Jeff under bus and says her position as the head of women's wrestling makes her indispensable where Jeff is just a wrestler. Plus she needs Jeff to watch the kids. Actually some pretty entertaining shit.
Per virtue of winning, Jeff Hardy is the number one contender to Roode's world title. Hardy is now on his 1064th chance to make good with wrestling companies after screwing up his career countless times with drugs. His promo ability sucks, but I cant believe I am going to say this, but thank God here's Bully Ray. I have thought Bully Ray as a member of the Dudleys has been stale for years, but his re-invention of the tough-talking, but cowardly bully has been thoroughly entertaining. They set up the main event tonight and Bully reminds Hardy that after his drug issues earlier this year, Bully took his spot as leader of Immortal. Love the continuity.
So Mike Tenay tells me this tournament is for a tag title shot. What a crock of shit and lazy booking. Here's a clue build-up a few real teams. Samoa Joe, the biggest disappointment of wrestling, a heavyweight that moves likes a crusierweight with impactful moves of a Japanese wrestler is teaming up with a smooth-talking Brit, Brutus Magnus. Due to inconsistent booking, Joe has grown lazy, but in this match against Robbie E. and Douglas William (great a British technician) he showed flashes of why he used to be the biggest potential star. Joe and Brtutus picked up the win.
Jeff Jarrett with Sting and he figures it is a foregone conclusion his wife is going home. He asks Sting to let her down gently after all she wants to be home with the kids. Best backstage segments of the night so far.
Eric Young is a rambling dope that is very hit and miss with me. He is teaming with ODB, a nasty, filthy woman not in a sexy way like Ke$ha in like a trailer trash way. EWWWY
Ok, remember how I was entertained about Bully Ray's reinvention, well his partner, Devon has nothing, but boring and he is dragging the biggest potential superstar in wrestling with him: Pope D'Angelo Dinero. Ok, not entirely his fault, TNA soured on the Pope at beginning of the year. I dont know why because he can talk like very few can. The angle here is take on the famous Raven-Sandman angle where Raven turned the Sandman's family against him. The angle finally culminated after months with the Pope claiming to have sexual relations with Devon's wife and then Devon's kids joined in a beatdown against their father. Good angle, I just wish someone besides Devon was in it.
Jeff and Karen re-convene and outright lie to each other. Karen sayin that Jeff is irreplaceable and she needs to be at home with the kids. While Jeff says that Karen is the true star and he should be at home with the kids. I am loving this.
Woman;s match between Madison Rayne and Traci Brooks. Neither wrestles well. Traci has the worst DD-boob. They are so oddly shaped. Madison is absolutely smoking and that is my analysis for this match. Lots of hair-pulling and choking and throaty screaming. Madison Rayne rocking booty shorts reminiscent of "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn, NOT a turn-on.
So Sting turns Jarrett and Karen on each other by ACTUALLY using the film from the show. HOLY SHIT!!! You dont know how many backstabbings could have been prevented if wrestlers actually watched their own show. Jeff is pissed at "1000 Jeff Jarrett's" line and Karen gets bitchy at "Women dont belong in wrestling" line. So Sting gets tired of their incessant bickering and fires the both of them. I like Jarrett, but that was good television.
Main event time. This is starting at 10:58, not going to get much time. This was pretty much the same main event I saw at the TNA house show back in early November in Toldeo (which was the worst live show I have ever attended). Bully went right to the heat segment on Hardy, he sold for like two minutes. Then Hardy made his comback and won with a Twist of Fate. Roode was on commentary scouting Hardy. He charged the ring after to get an advantage on Hardy. This leads to a double-team and Roode introduces a table to the ring. This leads to Bully Ray putting Hardy through a table. Sting tries to make the save, but is double-teamed.
The show peaked at the beginning. The tag matches were silly and inconsequential. They finally moved the Pope story along, but I dont give a shit about Devon. Jeff and Karen were fun and entertaining, but it ruins the momentum of the women's division as Karen did not get her comeuppance at the hands of the babyface women. Hardy/Roode is as good as program. Hardy is one of their bigger stars and Roodes needs the wins. Decent show, just as good as an average RAW.
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