Macho Madness: Macho Man vs The Luster

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Here I am rooting for a Celtics/Heat Eastern Conference finals so that my family can have our own version of the Mega-Powers EXPLODE~! Alas, I am not even sure the Heat will make it anymore. Ugh.

So where we left off Steambot has just picked up the I-C title from Savage at Wrestlemania III. The Steamer couldn’t handle the grind of the WWF schedule so they had him drop the title to the inept Honky Tonk Man, who embarked on a record-setting 14 month run with the title. Wrestling fans have verbed his name to mean retaining your title by cheap, inept tactics. Thus drawing the ire of the fans because they don’t believe you deserve the belt. It is the ultimate form of cheap heat. It goes without saying that Honky Tonk Man was a heel, but Savage was a heel. What to do? What to do?

Well at a Saturday’s Night Main Event, Macho Man challenged Honky Tonk Man for the I-C belt, but post-match was attacked by his flunkies, the Hart Foundation (Bret “The Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart) and their manager “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. So Liz did the sensible thing and went in swinging with a steel chair. Nah, that was a funny mental image though. She went to the back and got the WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan, who saved Savage. Thus the MEGA-POWERS WERE BORN!!!

The first match I will review is from the next SNME, where Savage takes on Bret “The Hitman” Hart. McMahon saw something special in Hart and his brilliant execution and he wanted to see if he could hang with the best talent. For Savage, it would be a chance to show off his athleticism and establish himself as the No. 2 babyface behind Hulk Hogan.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Bret “The Hitman” Hart

Saturday Night Main Event Nov. 1987

This match has a cult following on the internet, but I had never seen it. I know, I know, I am a horrible fan. However, I found it and now it is time to me dig into some deliciousness.

Vince begins with some leering at Liz, who looks lovely in her pink dress. Savage, not so much, purple and orange robe.  Savage is ripshit about last month and is raring to go. Neidhart and Jimmy Hart circle Liz, but Savage hops down to scare off the heels. Ventura points out that this will be a tough task because of all the distraction. Savage chases the Hart Foundation. Gets a hold of Hart and throws him head first into the steel ringpost. Savage takes control in the corner, but Hart moves at the last second and Savage goes hard into the corner. Haste makes waste says my mother as Savage is over-zealousness cost them here. Bret Hart’s using a combination of strikes and chokes a lot of offense on the throat. Hart telegraphs the back body drop and a big standing elbow by the Macho Man. Savage is trying to tear his nose off and sends Hart flying into the guardrail in an impressive bump. What I love so far that Savage still wrestles the match like he would, but it is justified because he is out for revenge. Savage hits the double noggin knocker on Nedihart and Jimmy. As he goes for the double axe-handle and Bret connects with a punch to the gut.

Liz looks to help Savage, but Neidhart kicks Savage in the gut. Back in the ring, Hart hits a leg drop and he taunts Liz. He hangs Savage in the tree of woe, never seen Hart use that, ad delivers some kicks. Hart with a vicious piledriver, but only gets two and Ventura is impressed by his guts. Since it is really hard to fake a punch and most wrestlers suck at it. They should use the standing elbow that Savage and Hart are so fond of, looks so much more effective.  Now Savage moves and it is Hart that goes hard into the buckle.  Macho Man, in desperation, sends Hart into the ringpost arm-first.  Hart has been taking a lot of abuse. Double axe-handle off the top gets a two, but Hart recovers with a backbreaker. However, Savage is playing possum and Hart crashes and burns with an elbow. Macho Man flies over the top throttling Hart’s throat over the top rope. Savage piefaces the ref and a walks into a back body drop onto the floor. Savage has fucked up his knee bad and the Hart Foundation has made Bret aware of Savage’s busted knee. My mother is convinced that Savage’s knee is really hurt. I love my parents they know it is fake, but at the first instance of extraordinary selling, they are hooked back in.

Savage is literally hobbling on one-leg and we all know the chances of a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Vince puts over Savage’s guts and Machismo. Savage is using the ropes to hold him up. Let me remind the reader that Hart was just a tag wrestler at this point and Savage was the veritable second most popular wrestler in the world and he was not afraid to show some ass for him. Hogan, take some notes, bitch. Hart is locked the fuck in on that leg and takes the leg and slams it against the steel ringpost. McMahon is pleading with the ref to stop the match as Hart sadistically attacks the ankle with spinning toe holds. Savage kicks him off and is literally wrestling this match hopping on one leg. That’s commitment. O shit at some point, Savage’s boot came off and Hart is kicking his exposed leg. Single leg-crab now and Savage barely makes the ropes, but it does not stop the Hart onslaught. Savage rakes the eyes just for a breather. You know what this match needs is some concerned looks from Liz. Come on, director. Savage reverses a suplex into an inside cradle and makes a three-count. Holy shit! You would never see Hogan do a match like that. Jimmy clobbers Bret with the megaphone by accident and Savage from his back wards them off with a megaphone. Now, Liz comes in to check on Macho Man. The crowd goes wild for Savage’s incredible performance.

And in 19888, the Emmy for Best Performance in Primetime Serial goes to wait for it… the Macho Man Randy Savage. Give them 10 more minutes of leg heat and this was *****. As it stands, it was bit short ****, but totally insanely fun.

So with Savage being primed for a run at the top, Hogan exited to film his hit movie, No Holds Barred, bwhahahha. McMahon toyed with the radical idea of having a heel run at the top, “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiasie. There is an old saying in reasons, heels don’t fly in New York, they fly in Atlanta. The number one difference between McMahon (NY) and NWA/WCW (southern wrestling) is that McMahon is the greatest booker of babyfaces ever and the first and only time he ran with a heel is Ric Flair-mark Triple H. In NWA/WCW, the money was always in the chase and almost always ran with a heel on top most notably at this time, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Anyways, McMahon got cold feet and gave Savage the run atop with the belt. Now of course, Hogan being protective of his spot came up with a screwy way to drop the belt on the ref. It involved twin refs, Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiasie paying off everyone. Andre won on a fast-count to the largest TV wrestling audience as 35 million people tuned into watch this match in 1988. DiBiasie bought the title off Andre in a great heel move, but the WWF said not so fast due to all the controversy we are going to have a 14-man one-night tournament  for the vacant WWF World Heavyweight Title (Hogan and Andre had byes). Savage went over Butch Reed, Greg “the Hammer” Valentine, One Man Gang before getting to the finals against DiBiasie. Usually, I am a sucker for tournaments, but there were too many matches and this one was boring as fuck. The finals really isn’t anything remarkable. DiBiasie comes out with Andre, but Liz goes to the back and against the Hulkster. Hogan ends up sticking his nose in everyone’s business by hitting DiBiasie in the back with a steel chair. Thus Macho Man captired his first World Championship. It would be Savage’s first and longest reign as world heavyweight champion.

Most of the year was spent feuding with the mega-over Ted DiBiasie, Andre The Giant, and weirdly enough Bad News Brown (a street-tough black wrestler from Harlem), a career mid-carder. So the match I chose to review from Savage’s title reign is the same one the WWE picked to represent his reign on their DVD, a cage match against DiBiasie at MSG.

WWF World Heavyweight Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiasie – Cage Match

June 1988 MSG

DiBiasie is accompanied as usual by his black man-servant, Virgil, no racial overtones there. Virgil was named after rival NWA booker, Dusty Rhodes. Old-school Blue WWF cage, which has no give, and this is escape-rules only. Finkel lets us know he makes his summer residence in Hyanniport, MA that is a beautiful bit of heel heat there.  DiBiasie has underrated hair.  O God, I forgot the C-Team is on commentary. Savage is wearing that badass dragon robe and seems extra antsy to get to the ring. I did not think that DiBiasie rivalry was that personal.  Shoddy camera work and all of sudden Savage I on the mat getting beaten by DiBiasie, fuck Lord Alfred is here. Ted has good worked punches, nice fist-drop, real smooth combination of strikes from Ted. Savage does the ram his head into the turnbuckles 10 times and then connects with a knee-drop. Savage really needs to watch the reverse elbow, nice backbreaker by DiBiasie. Savage slams DiBiasie before he can get out. Savage stops the Million Dollar Man before he can be rammed into the cage.  Nice clothesline by DiBiasie and fist-drop combination and again he goes for the escape, but Macho Man is there to grab his tights.

The story of the match seems to be as soon as DiBiasie gets advantage he attempts an escape, but he just has not put Macho Man away enough to get the victory.  Savage gets DiBiasie hung up in the ropes and Savage chokes DiBiasie. Macho Man is impeded from escaping by Virgil. One of these clowns describes a punch from DiBiasie as a “thought-rearranger” just so you know the level of commentary I am dealing with. The Million Dollar Man is the first to taste the unforgiving steel as he goes head-first.  Big back flop by Ted and Savage is just exhausted. Savage has the wherewithal to make an attempt. Here comes Virgil with a couple shots to the gut and Ted hangs him in the tree of woe.  Macho Man makes a break for it, but Ted gets a press slam off the top rope. DiBiaise on spaghetti legs, but starts using his noggin and tries to make a move for the door. Savage impedes him with punches and then a double clothesline. Savage stirs first and crawls to the door and DiBiasie dives for Savage’s foot. “Superstar” Billy Graham, who I love to death, is killing me here with a stupid rant about Liz taking up power lifting. “She will still be beautiful 80 pounds heavier.” – WTF?!?!?!

Double clothesline spot again and this time both men are really selling it. They go for the double escape spot.  O NO!!! Virgil impedes Savage, but a fuckin idiot DiBiasie goes after Savage when he has a clear path to the title. Savage hits a suplex on Ted and then a reverse atomic drop sends DiBiasie rocketing into the cage head first. Ted is out cold, Savage crawls to the door and Virgil slams the door on Randy’s head. Million Dollar Man is almost out, Savage has a tight grips on those tights and pulls him back in. They slug it out on their knees mina spot I love. Savage wins and sends Ted back into the cage head-first. As Macho Man is making an escape, all three men are ontop of the 15 foot high cage and an overzealous fan decides to join them atop the 15 foot cage. The teenager is trying to help Savage as the cheating was just getting unbearable for him.  Now the normal policy is to wallop all fans who jump the rail, but since the kid is 15 feet high in the air that isn’t happening. The teenager realizes this was not the brightest idea and jumps down. Savage hits the double noggin knocker on the heels, who both go tumbling down in different directions. Savage has a clear path to retain the title.  Savage wins and retains the championship.

Typical WWF cage match, I have not watched a lot of DiBiasie, but he is highly regarded however this match just didn’t seem extraordinary. Very paint by numbers lots of escape spots and a couple good false finishes don’t make for a stellar match. I give it ***.

So Savage ran through the challengers throughout the year, however at all the PPV’s (Summerslam and Survivor Series) it was the Mega-Powers that teamed against the Mega-Bucks (DiBiasie/Andre). By the time January has came around Lust Hogan had stolen Elizabeth to his manager. I mean Hulk Hogan had taken Miss Elizabeth to be his manager. At the second annual Royal Rumble in January of 1989, Savage was fighting in the ropes with his nemesis, Bad News Brown and Hogan dumped them both. To say Savage was pissed is an understatement. The paranoia and jealousy had ensnared the mind of the Macho Man, he just needed that snapping point, what is beautiful is that Savage character was already established as a paranoid lunatic. This came at a Night Main Event in February as the Mega-Powers teamed up against the Twin Towers (Big Bossman and Akeem), who had eliminated Hogan at the Rumble and the new chief heels of the WWF. Halfway through the bout, Liz is accidentally wiped out by Savage (an impressive bump for the petite Elizabeth) and Savage is incensed and immediately attempts to gain revenge on the Towers. Hogan, on the other hand, tends to Liz and carries her to the back. Ooooooooooo drama.

So after 5 minutes of preening for the cameras and Macho Man taking the shit-kicking of a lifetime, Hogan decides to graciously honor Savage with his presence. Savage snubs him for awhile and then is like” fuck you drama queen” and bitchslaps him saying “do it yourself, tough guy”. So clearly you the think perfect opportunity to buildup the Twin Towers as monsters, nah. They get unceremoniously jobbed out to the Luster, I mean Hulkster.

Then comes the part when they talk them into the building. Savage goes an incredibly hateful, paranoid, jealous, incendiary rant accusing Hogan of lusting after his woman and title. Watch it, this why Savage is The Man: 

The perfect storytelling of this whole thing is that Savage is in the right, Hogan has been grandstanding and hot dogging in front of the crowd because he was insecure without the title. However, by putting his hands on Liz and going about the way he does he turns the crowd against him. That is the most effective heel of all the one that truly believes what he is saying. This was the high-water mark in terms of Hulkamania era booking. One of the greatest storyline of all time that I have ever witnessed. Wouldn’t you know that Wrestlemania V is right around the corner, looks like we have a main event title match.

WWF World Heavyweight Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Lust Hogan

Wrestlemania V

Savage enters first without Elizabeth as Gorilla tells us she will be in a neutral corner. The Body is right on that saying she is a gold-digger and leave with whomever wins the belt. Gorilla does a horrible job defending her as she makes her own entrance. The Luster is out next to a decent-size pop as the primma donna grandstanding continues, usually the champion would enter last, but not in a Hogan match. By the by I stole Lust Hogan and the Luster from Jesse The Body. The Body is all over Lust Hogan saying how low does a man have to stoop to go after a man’s woman just to challenge him for the belt.  Plenty of early heel stall tactics as Jesse informs us “Ya don’t sweat Macho”. They lock-up and Hogan establishes he is the more powerful of the two. Hogan chants grow louder as Savage tries to get Hogan to chase him around the ring. Turn it into a cat and mouse game smart by Randy. Things not going Savage’s way so he berates Liz to get some heat. Finally Hogan, gives chase and Macho Man hides behind Liz. There is the Macho Man I know and love.

Back in the ring, Hogan does his one chain wrestling sequence he knows. Long time fans know which one I am talking about. Savage is able to counter a side headlock with belly to back suplex he follows that up with an eye-rake and a double axe-handle to get two. Macho Man keeps control over the Luster by grabbing what little hair he has left. Hogan drops down and pulls the tights to break the hold and send Macho Man to the outside. Hogan hits a series of strikes and finishes with a heelish boot-rake, which sends Jesse into a tizzy over the hypocrisy of Hogan and his fans.  The Luster telegraphs the back body drop and Savage regains controls with a sitout clothesline. It is now we notice that Hogan has been busted open above his eye the hard way. I have no idea after seeing this match a dozen times what caused that. We hit the chinlock by Macho. A high-knee with Hogan’s back turned gets two and Savage goes after the eye. Hogan makes a comeback with bodyslamming Savage over the top rope and onto the floor in an impressive spot.

Now we kick it into high gear. Liz tries to tend to the Macho Man, but he is having none of it and almost decks her. The Luster hoists Savage on his shoulder and looks to ram him into the steel ring post. Shades of the January 1986 match as Liz stands in front of the ring post and Savage slips down the back and shoves Lust Hogan into the post. Liz goes to tend to the fallen Hogan, well there goes Savage’s fragile psyche.  He snaps and measures her for a punch in a rather uncomfortable to watch because Savage plays such a frightening lunatic. Liz is escorted from ringside. Now Macho Man can really concentrate. He hits his patented double axe-handle onto Hogan throttling his throat into the guardarail. Exaggerated selling by Hogan follows as Savage hotshots Hogan throat across the top rope. He drapes Hogan’s throat across the middle rope gets a head of steam and drops all his weight across the Luster’s throat. Jesse says it is just a matter of time. He follows this up with an elbow across the throat on the apron. Savage’s bodyslam/kneedrop combination only get 2. Savage chokes him with his wrist tape and then chokes him out with his bare hands. Worst. Ref. Evah. Savage up top with the BIG ELBOW! Of course Hogan presses him off like he is nothing. Hulk-Up. You know the rest of this garbage. Lust Hogan captures the title for a second time.

Tremendous storyline with a lackluster climax. As a standalone match it is an above average bout, but the storyline before it enhances the quality. Savage just was not as enraged as I wanted him to be. Until the bodyslam to the outside the match was pretty boring and by the  numbers. They should have taken a page out of the their January 1986 encounter and started the match hot with Savage blindsiding him. The finish was hot and in context of the storyling I give it ***1/2, but watch it in conjunction with the promo videos.

Next time, we look at my all-time favorite Savage match and the greatest dramatic segment in the history of wrestling.