#14 L.A. Guns - L.A. Guns Boy, She's Gone Sleaze

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#14 L.A. Guns– L.A. Guns (Released 1988) Gold #50 Billboard Albums

Phil Lewis (Hollywood Tease)– Vocals 

Tracii Guns (Sex Action)– Lead Guitar

Mick Cripps (No Mercy) – Rhythm Guitar 

Kelly Nickels (Electric Gypsy) - Bass

Nickey “Beat” Alexander (Doesn’t have the posture of Steve Riley) – Drums

 Boy, She’s gone SLEAZE!

The last five albums I have reviewed have at least hit #2 on the albums, but here is the debut album from LA Guns to remind us that the underground was still supplying choice cuts of glam metal to compete with the heavy-hitters. The debut album finds L.A. Guns at their rawest with a chip on their shoulder. Tracii Guns had just been snubbed by the band he helped formed, Guns N Roses, which went to massive success with Appetite for Destruction and Tracii wanted to make sure everyone knew that Slash couldn’t hold a candle to his blistering guitar style. Slash is a great guitar player, but I do prefer Tracii’s style at it more influenced by the metallic forefathers and his lead fills are tough and always exciting. Tracii was not the only member of these rag-tag misfits with something to prove, there was Phil Lewis, the ex-leader singer of the British glam rock band, Girl. The lead guitarist was actually Phil Collen of Def Leppard fame. After, Phil’s departure broke the band up and left Lewis a metal vagabond bouncing between bands. Until, he had one last chance at rock n roll fame in the form of the vacancy for a lead singer of LA Guns. Phil sing with such urgency and fury that is like an athlete in his contract year. It is now or never for him and he brings the heat on these tracks with his distinctive sneer.  As the Second Wave moved more mainstream, LA Guns attacked glam metal with a metallic edge that hadn’t been seen since the glory days of the early 80’s. They pushed the envelope with sordid tales of sleaze and debauchery on the seedy, hedonistic Sunset Strip in Hollywood, California. This outrageous, over the top album with huge guitar hooks, big gang-shouts and a banging record sections belongs as one of the most bitchin glam metal albums of all time.

The first song is one of my favorite songs of all time and my favorite song to use to introduce people to the sleaze metal sub-genre. What else could it be titled but then, Sex Action. One of my favorite lyrics of all time is of course, “Boy she’s gone sleaze” and the whole song and video epitomizes the sleaze rock genre.  The video opens with a sultry jezebel in a seductive voice whispering “Sex Action” and that big, pounding riff comes in afterwards. It doesn’t get sleazier than that. The video is shot primarily in black & white and highlights the notorious actions of L.A. Guns and features all the insatiable vixens of the Sunset Strip. The playing portion features the high-energy rock n roll that the sleaze scene is all about.  The riff is a hard-hitting affair while Tracii plays a side-winding livewire-like lead over the top. The vocal hook is the sneered “Talk about love”, which will be into your head.  The solo is definitely directed at every member of Guns N Roses as Tracii plays with an undeniable fury. Definitely check this number out.

The lead track off the album is the fast, furious, venomous, and aggressive, No Mercy. The repeated shouts of “Show No Mercy” make this an instant classic in the sleaze genre. The song is about a rockstar who breaks a woman’s heart and know he wants her to show him no mercy. Kinky. The riff is a mile a minute attack of sonic fury that complements the sneer and lyrical content of the song so well. Tracii’s lead fills are great highlights on this track and his solo is a total livewire which reinforces how much of a sleaze guitar hero this man was. “I’ll be standing in the shadows of love” was an oddly popular lyric of the time as both Whitesnake and Britny Fox incorporated that one. I love the ending of this speedster is just Phil letting out a grunt. These guys just oozed sleaze from every pore.

The most metallic song of the album is the burner, One More Reason, with a  crunchy, chugging riff. Phil brings the emotion on this tough song as he sneers “You give me one more reason, one more reason to die.” The song details the seedy underbelly of the glam metal scene on the Strip and is a great sleazy song. Tracii plays a short, but energetic song. The riff is definitely the big hook on this number.

Next up is the ode to biker culture on Electric Gypsy as LA Guns definitely were rocking the glam biker look, which is always in fashion. Trust me. Ever since rock n roll has existed, rockstars have compared themselves to travelling gypsies and this song is no different. This song sees L.A. Guns at their pop-y best with a great hook throughout the song. The hook on this one is definitely the quick-draw pre-chorus, which follows into screams of “Electric Gypsy”. The solo is extended showcase for the talents of Tracii Guns and he does not disappoint. 

The final song of the review is the bottom-heavy, Bitch Is Back, which has nothing to do with the Elton John song (which is also a killer song). I still get a kick out of the spot where at the end of the solo, Phil just says, “Bitch”.  Tracii is a wildman throughout the song with lead fills everywhere while Phil sneers over the top as he wants his bitch back, goddmanit and he is going to let the world know.

L.A. Guns brought the sleaze and aggression back to glam metal in time where everything was getting a little too slick. This was definitely a raw, street record that is a change of pace from mainstream glam metal at the time. LA Guns has since had internal struggles since the fall of glam metal. The band has divided itself in half. There is a Phil Lewis version of the L.A. Guns which has Stacey Blades on guitar and Steve Riley on drums. The Tracii Guns’ version has featured Ralph Saenz on lead vocals, better known as Michael Starr of Steel Panther, also Joe Leste of Bang Tango and the greatest name in glam metal, Jizzy Pearl of Love/Hate. Love/Hate did not make the list, but they have a great sleaze album and one of the greatest party songs of all time. So here’s Jizzy and the boys with Blackout In The Red Room.. 

#15 Quiet Riot - Metal Health: Wait these guys had a NUMBER ONE ALBUM?!?!!?!?

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#15 Quiet Riot – Metal Health (Released 1983) 6x Platinum #1 Billboard Albums

Kevin Dubrow (Finger-Wagging S.O.B. )– Vocals 

Carlos Cavazo (Cockadoo)– Lead Guitar

Rudy Szaro (I like the TASTE of my BASS) - Bass

Frankie Banali (Da Mobstah) – Drums

Wait these guys had a Number One album!??!?!?

I would be remiss not to be mention that I received my first of the blog. “@superstarsleeze Great blog!!!! Love it” –Amy Asbury,  author of the Sunset Strip Diaries that must be four more exclamation points than she got for her book reviews if she thinks I am going to be bringing in new readers for her. Nobody read my shit. I keed, I keed, Amy, I am sure the book kicks ass, but I am not really into the bubbleglam scene. Though Allerycat Scratch rocks hellaciously Stiletto Strut is a killer track for sure. They did not make the album list, but I do recommend Deadboys In Trash City by Alleycat Scratch for fans of the sleaze metal genre.  

Quiet Riot is not really a glam metal, but once again they get lumped into the glam metal genre because they were from LA in the early 80’s, sung anthemic metal and covered a glam rock song to HUGE success. It was their metallic cover of Slade’s smash hit, “Cum on Feel the Noize” that propelled them to #1 on the charts. Quiet Riot is heavy metal band in the mold of Judas Priest, but this album was seminal in facilitating heavy metal’s ascent to the top and plus I like it, so I am pulling trump once again because it is my list. I should add a qualifier to that statement, I really like the first half of the album. The second half is a lot of mediocre metal. But holy shit does the first half of the album smoke. It was the first half of the album that got them on the bill for Heavy Metal Sunday at US Festival in 1983 alongside up-and-coming Motley Crue and metal stalwarts, Ozzy Osbourne, Judas Priest, Scorpions and Van Halen. This is widely considered the night New Wave died and heavy metal took prominence as the number one rock genre. Quiet Riot has the ULTIMATE head-banging anthem for this movement: Bang Your Head (Metal Health).

Thats the face most girls make when they see my piece. To answer your question. Nine Inches.

I love this song so much and definitely one of the best heavy metal songs of all time. The song is very blunt about its intention, it is going to make you bang your head and this song definitely achieves that goal with a rhythm section that causes insta-head-bang. This is one of the few 80’s metal songs I have introduced to my dad that he really loves. This song for awhile was definitely my brother’s favorite song as he would play it on loop continuously. DuBrow’s snarl is so mean and aggressive and fit that vicious guitar attack so well. The solo is great slice of 80’s excess with all its finger-tapping glory. 

Quiet Riot had its hand in killing New Wave in another way as it unseated The Police’s Synchronicity (great New Wave album, I do happen to like New Wave for the most part). This was due to one of the ultimate party songs, Cum On Feel The Noize, which reached #5 on the Billboard chart.  The huge drums are reminiscent of KISS at their partying best. The chorus is instantly drilled into your head with a huge gang-vocal. The metallic take on this old glam rock standard was fresh as Slade was not that big in America and had a groove that made girl want to get up and rock their boys. There aint nothing wrong with that. Apparently, Quiet Riot, which before and after this album really couldn’t buy a friggin hit, thought I was a stupid idea to do this song. DuBrow tried to sabotage the song by singing poorly, but what he doesn’t understand is when you have that much swagger and attitude in your voice you can sing as poorly as you want it is going to kick-ass. This song and the previous number are two of my favorites of all time.

Slick Black Caddilac, has a great 1950’s feel to it, while having a huge chugging riff and is another great head-banger. The vocals hooks are well-done with good gang-shouts and the chorus is catchy. Sorry, I am getting tired and I think I might have to short-change this review. I am in full catch-up mode.

The final choice cut, is the venomous, mid-tempo banger, “Love’s A Bitch”. This song is so well-suited for DuBrow’s aggressive snarl and when the music really kicks in this one just really smokes. 

Sorry for the curtailed review, but had to happen somewhere. Kevin DuBrow tragically passed in 2007 from a cocaine overdose. Quiet Riot also brought us guitar hero, Randy Rhoads, who Ozzy pilfered for his solo career. Randy played on Blizzard of Ozz and Diary of Madman before he was tragically killed in a plane accident. Rhoads is most famous for Crazy Train and had  very sweet neo-classical tone that I dig. To play us out is one of my brother’s favorite songs ever, if not his absolute favorite. It features how much of a beast Rhoads was on the guitar.  Rest In Peace, Kevin DuBrow and Randy Rhoads.

#16 Motley Crue - Dr. Feelgood: Sober and It Feels So Good

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#16 Motley Crue – Dr. Feelgood (Released 1989) 6x Platinum #1 Billboard Albums

Vince Neil (Axl, your ass is grass and I am going to smoke it. Does that violate soberity? )– Vocals 

Mick Mars (Silent Badass) – Lead Guitar

Nikki Sixx (People will recognize my brilliance) - Bass

Tommy Lee (Still boning Heather Locklear and millions of groupies) – Drums

Sober and it Feels so Good: The Most Over-rated Album in Glam Metal

That title will definitely generate some controversy. O wait, no one reads this, lulz. Clearly, I don’t think this album is bad otherwise I would NOT have ranked it #16. It is a great album and the best Second Wave of Glam Metal album in my opinion (Appetite for Destruction is not a Second Wave album, it is a sleaze album). Yet, Nikki and fans insist this is their best album, which I think is a total crock of shit. This album finds Nikki finally writing his major crossover album hit that he was searching for after achieving true genius with Shout At The Devil. The entire band came in sober and Bob Rock did a masterful job producing a real slick, metal record. Tommy’s drums on this album sound amazing and Vince’s voice which was pretty much shot at this point is re-created with such power and soul that I never thought he had. (O wait he doesn’t. I LOVE Vince, the guy should be screaming and sneering. All this good singing is so weird.) Mick’s guitar is always a bitchin treat and without Mick, Crue would never had a shot. He is far and away the best on his instrument in this band and just does not get enough credit or respect. Nikki has a couple song-writing duds. Without You is such a formulaic power ballad and just so un-Crue. Seriously a fuckin orchestra, Nikki, what the fuck happened to street, sleazy rock n roll. This would be their worst song ever, but then Nikki penned Time For Change, which is just a God-awful, wretched song. Then of course, when you write Dr. Feelgood and Kickstart My Heart well then you more than just completely redeem yourself, you fuckin make sure everyone knows that glam metal is your genre and Guns N Roses can bring it anyday of the week and we will compete. 

When I was 16 years old, I was on the prowl for new anthemic rock/metal songs to satiate my desire to kick ass. As I was branching out, I heard two songs that I love to this day from bands that I have really grown to love, the two monster rock songs of 1991: Metallica’s Enter Sandman and Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit. That’s right people, I could have become an alternative lame-ass, but then something came out of the shinning light. I was on youtube and heard of this band called Motley Crue. So I searched to see and the first song that came up was Dr. Feelgood. Let’s just say the rest was history. For the uneducated, Metallica (the world’s premiere thrash band) was looking for bigger, more polished sound and upon hearing their arch-nemeses’ album, Dr. Feelgood, they found their man, Bob Rock, Crue’s producer. Lars’ drums sound oddly similar to Tommy’s drums on Dr. Feelgood and Metallica would use other glam production techniques to create their monster Black album that crossed them over to the mainstream. At the time, I was like wow this is a more kick-ass version of Enter Sandman, little did I know Enter Sandman is actually the lamer version of Dr. Feelgood. It also helps that Motley Crue looks helluva a lot more bitchin than either Nirvana and Metallica. So after a couple listens, I wondered could Crue follow up this hit with another. O Hell Yeah was the response in the form of the glam speed metal track, Kickstart My Heart. Right then, Motley Crue became my favorite band (they would be unseated by Led Zep about a year later), glam metal was my genre and I was going to rock like it was 1989 for the rest of my life.

Ogle Ogle Ogle Ogle *drool*

Unfortunately from my perspective, Crue lacks one transcendent song that puts the over the top like Poison, Guns N Roses, Def Lep and Whitesnake. Dr. Feelgood, which as a song charted at #6 is incredibly impressive. Most of the time, the only top ten hits from glam metal bands were the power ballads, for a legitimate metal banger to reach that high is quite an achievement. However, it has not transcended as well because it is not a big party anthem or a power ballad, which is an unfortunate because it is one of their best songs. The rhythm section is bouncy in the beginning before settling into a shoulder-popping, grinding pace. Mick’s guitar sound is unique as always, hell even finger-taps on the solo. Vince’s sneer is at its best singing about drugs, street life and decadence. The complementary guitar hook on the gang-shout of “Dr. Feelgood” is excellent. Is that even some vocal harmony, I hear on the chorus, wow how times have changed what happened to barking “Looks That Kill”. The boys in Crue have really grown up. lol.   I love this music video as it stays truer to glam metal than most from the time period with Vince and Nikki still wearing make-up. The hair is gigantic and outfits look killer. 

Kickstart My Heart, my favorite Crue song until heard the Shout At The Devil record. Great memories from this song including singing it this past New Year’s Eve with Dan “the Man” Maser at some bar. This song finds Crue re-connecting with their roots on a fast and furious burner that is as heavy as it is fast. The chorus on this song is fuckin huge and I love it. I love how Nikki knows that he and Tommy cant handle doing harmonized backing vocals (Mick aint fuckin singing) so he hired two chicks to do it for him. I cant believe it is not bigger today, but hey that’s just how it goes sometimes. The chorus is my inspiration for the "Woah" rule, you just can't go wrong with the word, "Woah". The talk-box solo is entertaining as all and I always thought the ending was "Give back my eye", which honestly makes no sense until Dan pointed out it is "Kickstart My Heart" just really distorted. The breakdown is my second favorite in all of glam metal (Livewire’s better) and is great set of lyrics for reminiscing with friends. Enough chit-chat, go bang you head to this classic.

So yeah, wait there are other songs on this album. Actually there are some pretty good pop metal songs on this album that rival the songs being produced by Def Lep and Poison. The big one that sounds quite different from your typical Motley fare (not that there really is typical Motley fare) is Same Ol Situation this one sounds like it was written by Poison, but with a way tougher guitar sound and Vince’s sleazy deliver. This is definitely one of Crue’s best party songs, which for a glam metal band they actually don’t have that many of. This song also features Vince on rhythm guitar, which I don’t really see him playing often. Probably just another gimmick to try to get Crue taken seriously, well Tommy’s haircut for the video was not helping on that front.   This is a really fun party song that doesn’t have the bite of the previous two songs, but still entertaining. 

The final choice cut is a song that has really grown on me since hearing it live, Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away), yeah the live concert will be mentioned in a subsequent blog. They actually did a really mash-up with Cee-Loo Green’s Fuck You on the chorus that really fit in well and demonstrated that Nikki is still hip to the scene. Originally, I lumped in the cheesy, candy-ass song category like Without You. I mean I always liked the vocal hook of “Turn the page”, but hearing Vince sing it live just really made me appreciate the incredibly catchy vocal melodies. This is very much like Def Lep’s Hysteria, this one is more of a mid-tempo rocker, but it does not have usual chugging riff associated with it that most mid-tempo rockers have . The ending kicks absolute ass and it took Mick’s distorted live guitar to tell me damn riff rules so hard. Then outro solo is type of great solo that Mick should be remembered for and then it is time for one of Motley’s most endearing traits, repeat the chorus non-stop. 

I love Dr. Feelgood, just not as much as other people. Look, there are two more albums for me to blow a bunch of smoke up Nikki and the boys' asses and trust me I will be giving them a verbal blowjob on those two. It is the album that permanently made me a glam metal fan and gave me an impetus to explore other glam metal bands. For that reason, Dr.Feelgood will always have a special place in my heart. Hell, it is Motley Fuckin Crue, so you knows it rocks harder than 95% of the shit out there anyways. CRUE! CRUE! CRUE! CRUE!

#17 Def Leppard - Hysteria: What Has Nine Arms And Rocks! DEF LEPPARD!!!

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#17 Def Leppard – Hysteria (Released 1987) 12x Platinum #1 Billboard Albums

Joe Elliot (C'mon, What the fuck happened to your pants?) – Vocals 

Phil Collen (*Yawn* Insert boring solo) – Lead Guitar

Steamin Steve Clark (Uncanny resemblance to Dave Mustaine) – Rhythm Guitar

Rick Savage (He looks like such a bass player) - Bass

Rick Allen (I got one fuckin arm, seriously try to make fun of me) – Drums

What has Nine Arms and Rocks? DEF LEPPARD!!!

If there is one thing I have learned from Def Leppard is when in doubt is harmonize EVERYTHING and if you cant harmonize it well then fuckin reverb and echo the shit out of it. 

C’mon!

I remember being 15 years old and this album always takes me back to my high school days in 1987 erm 2004. I was just wearing out this cassette erm I mean downloaded songs in my Gold Trans Am erm via my mix CD in my mom’s mini van. Yeah listening to this with Joan in the backseat of my car erm I mean listening to this alone while reading pro wrestling newsites. Yeah I had weird childhood. Every youtube commenter seems to have more bitchin memories associated with this album then I do.  In all seriousness, I do have great memories associated with this album and for a brief period of time, Def Leppard was my favorite band. Until I learned of this band called Motley Crue that fuckin blew them out of the water. Yes, Def Lep’s overly-produced,  glossy pop-sheen brand of metal has worn on me over the years. I do prefer their New Wave of British Heavy Metal album, High N Dry and cross-over album, Pyromania more, but there will always be a special place in my heart for Hysteria. I still remember singing the chorus to Pour Some Sugar On Me down the hallways of the school completely oblivious to how dated and uncool I must have sounded.  Nobody does pop metal or big arena metal better than Def Leppard. It is reflected in album sales going 12x platinum in the USA alone and 20 million albums sold worldwide that’s a fuckin lot of albums.The album had a total of seven singles more than any other 80's metal album from the time period. The goal of the album was to make the rock version of Michael Jackson's Thriller and I would have to say they achieved that level of superstardom in the late 1980's. 

C’mon!

 The album includes the generation-transcending and ULTIMATE stripper anthem, Pour Some Sugar On Me. Warrant’s Cherry Pie gives it a run for its money, but I know when I am looking to strip, this is my song of choice. When I was a kid before I could figure out to download songs without being afraid I might break the computer, all I had to listen to was my dad’s songs, which were pretty bitchin in all honesty. My dad prefers 1970’s hard rock, but being in his 20’s throughout the 80’s still had some 80’s metal downloaded. I, a young 8 year old, immediately gravitated to band such as Van Halen and Scorpions (Rock You Like A Hurricane is the song I play before every exam I ever take), but among the songs on the computer was Pour Some Sugar On Me and it was an instant and I definitely made a fool of myself more than once in front of family “dancing” to this ditty. Hell, my favorite memory from my senior prom was when they played this song and finally I could play some air guitar, band my head (not really a headbanging song, but god damnit, after listening to Cascada for the umpteenth time it felt like a thrash song) and let out “Metal Martin”.  Once again, everyone has heard this song so no point in reviewing it. Anyways, Joe has some of the worst phrasing in glam metal. On Pour Some Sugar On Me, I always thought that the opening lyric was “Yeah we like the bong.” (Incidentally that’s how I found what a bong was because I asked my dad, who is very open up that kind of shit). Anyways it is “Love is like a bomb”. Unfortunately, I cannot find the music video on youtube, which is a true travesty someone should remedy immediately. Who do I contact about this?

C’mon!

Next up mostly because of the hilarious back-story is Armageddon It, which is a horrible play on words. Say it out loud and fast and you will get it. Faster, I say, faster. So honestly I never really understood the lyrics to Armageddon It. So one night, Ed and I are watching Metal Mania (this was typical occurrence freshman year) and the music video comes on. I go to Ed, fuck it, I can still not understand one fuckin word he says. I think the friggin chorus is “Are you a girly man? Yes I am a girly man.” Ed discerned it to be correctly, “Are you a getting it? Yes I am a getting it.” Needless to say, I still crack up when this one comes on the radio (which it does pretty often surprisingly) or on the MP3 player.  I have just always wondered what the fuck was up with Joe’s pants. Hilariously enough, I ran into a guy dressed up as Joe at the Steel Panther concert last night. How did I know he was dressed as Joe? Because his pants was so overly-shredded you wonder did you fight a fuckin Panther before coming here? He was very glad some of my age was a true student of the game and recognized the immediate connection. What can I say I am a glam metal music video junkie. Speaking of Steel Panther, who released a very Def Lepp-y song as their first single, If You Really Really Love Me, if they want to do a really funny song mocking Def Lep, they should do a whole song with layered vocal harmony. I think the Panther could make this sound totally bitchin.

C’mon!

Next up is Def Lep’s ode to Glam Rock, Rocket, one of my favorites with a grooving beat and those absolutely sugary-sweet harmonized gang-vocals that get me everytime. All the song lyrics are allusions to 1970’s glam rock stars and glam rock songs. One common trope of glam rock is outer space, which is the song is called Rocket. Two funny points from this song. First, fuckin eh, Joe, mullets are never cool and you are totally why people think of mullets when they think of glam metal. Second, everytime, either my brother or I absolutely launch a ball long when we are playing tennis. We sing in perfect Def Lep harmony (ok maybe we are bit pitchy): ROCKET! Dum Yeah! Satellite of Love. Yep we are wicked weird. 

C’mon!

Next up is a really unconventional song for a glam metal band and is one of my favorite songs off the album the title track, Hysteria. It is much better than the formulaic power ballad, Love Bites, this one sounds so much more hearfelt. It is more a ballad, but still has the big guitar hooks on the chorus, just a really unique sounding song. I am in love with the pre-chorus, “I got to know tonight, if you are alone tonight” as much as I was in high school as I am now. While he is singing that there is a great three-note acoustic guitar chord-hook that is so killer. Then add in those sweeeeeeet harmonized background vocals. Goddamn, this song is definitely one of the best songs Def Lep has ever written and one of the better melodic solos by the guitar team, Steamin Steve does most of the heavy lifting on this track. I don’t always just love big rock anthems and metal burners. I like the occasional emotional song and this one is really well-done.

C’mon!

We end with an old-school favorite of mine, Animal, which was on the original setlist my dad downloaded when I was 8. Damn I have been listening to this song for 14 years that’s pretty crazy song. This is great mid-tempo rock song, with a great grooving rhythm section. The chorus is just addictive and the number one hook of the song with great double-tracked vocals from Joe and then hyper-harmonized gang-vocals that makes Def Lep is lovable.

C’mon!

So any true Def Lep fan knows that if a drinking game was played during a Def Lep where you had to drink everytime Joe said C’mon you would be blasted by song #3. I was surprised it took until 2008 for Def Leppard to write a song called, “C’mon C’mon” considering how much Joe fancies it as a transition between verses, choruses, solos, bridges. He uses it everywhere. C’mon! Go listen to Hysteria and fuckin have yourself an old school heavy metal party. POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME! Because I am hot, sticky sweet. Trust me honey, I will make you hot, STICKY and sweet. WOOOOOO!

#18 Whitesnake - Whitesnake: Is My Hair Big Enough

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#18 Whitesnake – Whitesnake (Released 1987) 8x Platinum #2 Billboard Albums

David Coverdale (A Mic Stand is a LETHAL weapon in my hands) – Vocals 

John Sykes (David, Fired Me?!?!) – All Guitars

Neil Murray (I was replaced by the guy who eats his bass) - Bass

Aynsley Dunbar (They fired John?!?! O fuck I was fired too) - Drums

 Is My Hair Big Enough?: Second Wave of Glam Metal

Whitesnake is NOT a glam metal band and this album is not really a true glam metal album. However this is my fuckin list so tough noogies. Whitesnake’s 1987 album was a massive commercial success and came at the height of the Second Wave of Glam Metal. Whitesnake’s album is a more of an arena power-blues record, but with enough of that hot, en-vogue  metallic sound to help it cross-over with the mainstream. Boy, did it cross-over with a #2 hit in the form of the power ballad, Is This Love, a huge hard rock hit, Still of The Night (#18 on the rock charts), and a song that transcends generations the #1 hit, Here I Go Again.  Since, it is often lumped into the glam metal genre much like Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet (which did not make the cut because Bon Jovi is for candy-asses), I decided to include it because I wanted to recognize the awesomeness that is David Coverdale and John Sykes. However, first a brief detour into the two different waves of glam metal. 

People conjure images of hair metal (the hair did not play that bitchin solo you just heard), they are drawing from the imagery of Second Wave of Glam Metal (1986-1992). The make-up was almost all but gone, the shock rock costumes were replaced by tight denim ‘n’ leather outfits. All that remained was the GARGANTUAN hair. Coverdale has even joked that the only reason he managed to sell records during this time period was his ENORMOUS hair. There is a reason for this of course and that is the Second Wave of Glam Metal was commercially way more successful than First Wave of Glam Metal. The Second Wave was more conducive to mainstream-acceptability with very flashy guitar pyrotechnics, big soaring sing-along choruses, harmonized gang-vocals rather than harsh gang-shouts. Basically, the Second Wave took the big Arena Rock sound of Journey, Foreigner and REO Speedwagon made it a bit tougher  and a bit more guitar-oriented. The First Wave Of Glam Metal (1981-1985-ish) in all regards really should not have been popular and it really wasnt. One part heavy metal, one part glam rock and a whole lot of shock rock happened to strike when traditional heavy metal, Ozzy Osbourne, Judas Priest, Scorpions and Van Halen were massive successes. The albums from this period averaged about 1x-Platinum, the Second Wave albums were going 4-5x-Plantium and that is if you were fuckin Warrant. Once again another reason why it pisses me off when people say all glam sounds the same. Seriously fuckin listen to a First Wave and a Second Wave album. It is night and fuckin day, you ignorant fuckhead.  Of course during the Second Wave there was the Sleaze counter-revolution from the underground, but we already covered that. The leaders of sleaze metal incidentally enough had the biggest album of the Second Wave era: Guns N Roses. But we will get to them later, now it is time for the dulcet, powerful tones of Coverdale and Skyes.  

Let us begin with the ever-popular, David Coverdale vs Robert Plant debate. Coverdale gets a lot of shit as far being called David Coverversion by Robert Plant himself and his fans. This is a debate that has nearly torn my household in half. My dad, a true die-hard Led Zep fan, has finally made Led Zep my favorite band. (Just if anyone was curious, Scorpions, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Guns N Roses and Motley Crue have all held the top spot on my favorites list until Led Zep has reigned supreme over the past four years). He swears by Led Zep and specifically his favorite member of the band, Robert Plant. I don’t think my dad has ever missed a Robert Plant concert in Boston. (He always takes Glen instead of me. What gives, Dad?) He even went to the one with Alison Krauss where he took my mother and he loved it. I had the personal pleasure of seeing Robert Plant live and in vivid color thanks to the generosity of one, Lorin Shirwani. He sound fuckin amazing and it is truly something EVERY single hard rock fan has to do in their life. However, as my brother will point out every chance he gets, Coverdale is the better vocalist with more range and more power on the high notes without entering into a whine. My dad will retort with the fact that Plant is the better lyricist, which is hands-down true and a point my brother does not even bother arguing. After listening to following live video, I am going to side with my brother and say that Coverdale is indeed the better vocalist. However the better frontman is still out for grabs and Coverdale’s mic-stand-wielding skills (it is like a fuckin kendo stick in his hands) takes on the mystical aura of Plant, it is a tough battle that I am not ready to weigh in on.

      

 Still of The Night, which if you have not listened to well then you simply are not cool, is the greatest song that Led Zep never wrote. Top to bottom, it is one of my favorite songs ever. On this album, this is one of Coverdale’s best vocal performances and will make you fan. Complementing Coverdale’s amazing powerful, soulful delivery is Skyes’ irresistible guitar riff that makes me instantly convulse into hip thrusting. This song does what few songs can do rock fuckin hard, be a party/stripper anthem and still taken seriously as one really fuckin good song. The music video features Tawny Kitaen oozing sex from every pore and makes me really want a time machine back to 1987.  The band was actually fired after production and Coverdale actually brought in a whole new cast of characters including Rudy “I Love The TASTE of My Bass” Szaro from Quiet Riot. 

Thus this leads to the next big feud that is associated with Whitesnake: John Sykes vs David Coverdale.  Reportedly, Sykes still has no idea why he was fired from Whitesnake and that was a total shock that the whole band was replaced right before the tour. I have heard rumors that Coverdale wanted a more blues-y guitar player and Sykes had a very metallic background having played in New Wave of British Heavy Metal band Tygers of Pan Tang. This all being said Sykes is one of favorite guitarists and a guitar hero lost to the winds of time. His tone on Whitesnake gives it that metallic sheen to help it cross-over with the mainstream and his solos absolutely burn with passion. His riffs are very inventive and have a real galloping rhythm to them which stems from his time in a NWOBHM. A good example of this time of galloping, heart-pumping riffing is Bad Boys

Still of The Night is my personal favorite song but Crying In The Rain kicks all sort of fuckin ass. Coverdale wails with vim and vigor while the lead fills by Sykes complement the anguish of the song. I will admit that Coverdale occasionally enters Don Dokken territory about bitching and moaning about women, but damnit when you sound this good doing it just go ahead I will excuse you. The highlight of the song is the BATSHIT INSANE~! Solo. This solo belongs in the Pantheon of Solos (Page on Dazed and Confused, Eddie’s Eruption, Blackmore on Child In time, Iommi on Supernaut). That is how amazing this solo is. 

We end with the iconic song, Here I Go Again, which is actually a re-make from an earlier Whitesnake album when they were hard-blues-rock band. Tawny Kitaen doing cartwheels on the hood of Whitesnake’s car is one of the most memorable 1980’s video moments. The song is a great cross-over hit that displays Coverdale at his lyrical best (which is probably his weakest facet). The supped-up, metallic riff drives the song as Coverdale brings his A-game on the chorus. Ok, enough talking about the song, I know everyone just wants to watch the video/:

Whitesnake is a great band, but the album does suffer from lyrical clichés and lack of diversity in lyrics. Also, some of the songs are a bit bland, I am looking at you, Don’t Turn Away. Coverdale is one of my favorite vocalists of all time. If you are a Led Zep fan, go get Coverdale/Page from 1993, it is the greatest album that Led Zep didn’t write. If you find yourself loving Sykes as much as I do, then I definitely suggest check out Tygers of Pan Tang and check out his solo band, Blue Murder, where he actually sings. He is no Coverdale, but he is pretty good and the solos are friggin killer.