KISS & Motley Crue Concert: Why I am a Carny and Proud of It

Hey yo,

The first two offensive plays of Michigan Football I saw this season were an amazing run by Denard and then an interception. I think that sums up Michigan’s offense for the past 5 years now.

Im willing to bet $20 this throw ended up being an interception.

In true Carny fashion, my next blog will not as promised include Hulk Hogan. It will instead be a comparison between Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko and Ultimo Dragon from WCW crusierweight division hey-day.  It is about time I learned the difference between a plancha and a tope. 

I attended the Motley Crue & KISS concert this past Sunday and I am glad to report that Carny bullshit is still alive and well. In a corporatized, watered-down world, Crue and KISS still fly their Carny Freak Flag High. (pun fully intended though apparently Gene Simmons is a life-long Straight Edger) I am not upset one iota.  As a total Carny mark, I am glad that there are still metal bands with gimmicks. Crue and KISS were just that good at this dying breed of art. The Treatment, a British sleeze band, opened them and sounded surprisingly really friggin good. There were a couple of songs I thought would have been hits in 1987 or so. Their closing song, “Shake The Mountain” gave Nate and me plenty of material for jokes through the night describing a girl’s ass as a mountain is hilarious to me at least. Motley Crue is the first band that I have seen for a second time live and I have to say they totally outdid themselves.

I had to have some hot babes...O wait that is Motley Crue. Damnit Conned again!!!! Damn you CRUE!!!!

The big difference seemed to be a much healthier Mick Mars, who plays some of the most low-down, nastiest guitar licks ever and live they seem just that much more filthy. Mars is one of the best live guitarists because he never plays the songs as an exact replica from the studio album. I have heard the studio album before a million times and I do not need to hear it again. Mars adds a lot more value to the experience by changing his tone and adding flares to his work. His guitar solos were a personal highlight as it felt like Eddie Van Halen meets New York Dolls just wicked buzzsaw guitars. Tommy Lee made his mark by not just bringing back his 360 Drumcoaster, but also playing a dubstep-flared drum solo that grooved like no other. That’s the exact thing, I have heralded about Crue, is their desire to always evolve with the times, but never lose the Crue sound and edge. Was Vince spotty and at times did he sound like a chipmunk? Sure, but that is part of the rawness and edge of the concert. I am a much bigger Crue fan than I am a KISS fan so I was worried that KISS just would not live up to the hype.

Boy, was I wrong. The best part of KISS was that they did every tried and true gimmick from the 70s in 2012. I can understand if you are my Dad’s age and had seen this repeatedly and it bores you. However as a fan in 2012, who is seeing KISS for the first time, I was so excited to see all the cool gimmicks live. Gene breathing fire during Firehouse, drooling blood and ascending to the heavens for God of Thunder, the ending of Black Diamond, all made it seemed like you were watching an authentic KISS show from 1976, it just happened to be in 2012. The most unintentionally hilarious part was Paul Stanley’s speaking voice, which sounds like Jewish Grandma from Brooklyn. Such quotes as “Good people! Good People of the Congregation I want to sing you with me!” and “I want everyone to get real crazy right now because I want to take a picture with all” were enhanced by the fact it sounded like somebody’s grandmother was in KISS.

Chief Purveyors of Carny Bullshit

The best part of the whole, combined shows was the carny attitude both bands maintain. I am not just talking the whole incredible production of dancers on stilts, a drumcoaster, fire-breathing, a shit ton of pyro, flames, raised platform, enough make-up to make most hookers feel underdress, I am talking about how the band carried itself and how they talked. When Paul Stanley said, “I just bought this song on iTunes, today. I am in the KISS army. I support the band” I loved it and not just because it sounded hilarious. It was absurdly disingenuous. You know he has been saying that from day one of the Tour, but he is still up there hocking the shit at you. It is terrific Carny BS. Or when Paul made sure to include Providence, RI or made sure he noted “To all you way in the back, I can hear you and feel you.” The cynical may think “Sheesh yeah right”, but deep down that Carny Bullshit has a semblance of truth because it does take all of us to sell-out and a packed arena makes him feel just as young as the fans who need the KISS show to feel young again. Without that packed arena, KISS is just like a bunch of other washed-up rock bands. So for Paul to say that to us is the verbal recognition of the truth that he does need everyone of us. It is one of the great mutualistic symbiotic relationships. KISS, Crue and the fans teleport each other to 1983 and a true escape of mortality can be achieved. That is Carny Bullshit transcends all Carny Bullshit because the Con becomes the mark for his own con. Wait, didn’t I pay $72 for this concert? O yeah, I am still the mark.

Every carny has to have his gimmick. Mine are just BIGGER!

I will never be able to fully describe it, but I like a slight bit of disingenuousness, I like gimmicks, I like larger than life, outrageous characters. Of my own generation, I have to say I am probably in the minority when it comes to these things. Part of it is that people want to relate to characters rather to aspire to be characters. Part of it, I have reasoned that it is most people simply do not like to be duped. Part of it is that they do not like the idea of their entertainment being smarter than they are. The ultimate reason that has rendered Carny Bullshit as a dying art is that people HATE disingenuousness. People want to be sitting with their metaphorical “dick in their hand” wondering is what I saw real or fake? Am I laughing with him or at him? Should I feel stupid or stupefied? However, once that question has been answered and the con exposed, most people turn violently on the con.  Why feel stupid when instead you can mock the Carny from your Pedestal of Enlighment? “You like that?!?!?!? Don’t you know it is fake!!!!” laughing all the way home in their moment of superiority. That is the key, they hate the slight disingenuousness of it being passed off as real. Me, that is what I love.

People think if you pay money to the con that you are the mark, you are gullible and that is a weakness. I rather evaluate the Carny on the merits of whether his gimmick entertains me rather than its validity.  So all you Carny haters, you can have your self-righteous smugness, instead I am going to keep my ear-to-ear smile. KISS and Motley Crue was the most fun I had at a concert because they delivered the one half of two most important human essentials: Circus.

As for the Bread, I have always been amazed by the amount of FAITH atheists have.