Macho Madness: Randy Savage Kills Snakes Dead

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Danny Granger, HOLD MY DICK!

So the Macho Man had turned into a big softie and everything was all unicorns, rainbows and leather-clad midgets brandishing whips. Wait that is not everybody’s fantasy. Needs more Ke$ha. Amen, girlfriend.

Elizabeth accepted the Macho Man’s wedding proposal with the worst “Ooooooo Yeah!” ever and the lovey-dovey couple was set to be married at Summerslam 1991 in the Match Made In Heaven, get it. It would not be a wrestling wedding, unless so one was there to wreak some havoc. Jake the Snake and his buddy The Undertaker were on hand to do just that. Ya see, The Snake thought it would be a good idea to give Liz a real live King Cobra as a wedding gift. What woman doesn’t want a big snake? Smirks.

Roberts and Taker blindside Savage and beat him to a pulp. Roberts fearing no repercussion because Savage has been forcefully retired torments Savage with a promos about him being a man that is not able to protect his woman. Them’s fighting words. So when Savage came marching to the ring, Roberts got Savage tangled in the ropes and then had the King Cobra bite him on the arm. Now obviously in real life, the snake was de-venomed, but also in real life the snake bit Savage for too long and cause deep puncture wounds and visible bleeding. In a funny story, the snake died a couple days later causing Savage to joke that Macho is venom for snakes. Yes people. Randy Savage Kills Snakes Dead.

So after pleading and tons of fans request, the Macho Man was reinstated for a PPV in December of 1991 called Tuesday In Texas to face Jake “The Snake” Roberts”.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts.

Macho Man attacks Jake the Snake in aisleway with a hat that just screams. That is it. It just screams.

You dont get the full effect of the hat.

This is an out and out fight, not a wrestling match.  This is what the Savage/Hogan should have been.  All Savage, but the ref tries to hold back Savage, Roberts takes the advantage. Savage’s arm has been bandaged due to the snake attack and The Snake works it over mercilessly.  The Brain reminds us that Jakes is The Devil himself. Macho sells like he has only one arm. The Brain lists the chores that Macho Man could have done at home instead of taking this match. The Snake rips off the bandage like a prick and goes to the hammerlock. Roberts telegraphs a back body drop and misses a short-arm clothesline. Savage charges and eats a knee and disappointing the crowd. Jake connects with his short-arm clothesline and signals for the DDT to a chorus of boo’s. The Brain remarks that “Liz probably wishes she had married Jake” and that gets an “O will you stop it.”

Savage rams Jake into the corner on a DDT attempt, he still has life. Big Elbow finishes it for Savage in a very spirited brawl. The after-match shenanigans are a great piece of wrestling theater. As Savage looks to inflict more punishment with a chair, but the ring announcer pulls it away. SO he gets his trusty ring bell, the same bell the he used to crushed Steamboat’s larynx. MACHO MADNESS IS BACK!!! The ref tries to stop Randy and that gives Jake the opportunity to DDT Savage. Savage struggles to get up and eats another DDT, which Savage is out cold. Jake slithers out of the ring and he pulls under the ring, the bag that contains the SNAKE~! Here comes Liz running out to cover Randy’s body with her own. Jake berates her telling her to beg for his life and asking do you really love him. Stop it, she says, stop it. All the while Jake tease breaking out the snake and Jakes says “Say please”, she obliges and he obliges with a 3^rd DDT and Savage is finished. Beautiful theater, the match is short, but heated and intense. **** for the whole thing.

This video is from Survivor Series 1991 and shows the Screamin Hat in Full Effect.

Savage may have won the match, but it was certainly a Pyrrhic victory, which means there needs to be a blowoff match. Thus they would have a contest at the January 1992 version of Saturday’s Night Main Event.



“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts

January 1992 Saturday Night’s Main Event

 Vince is oddly excited talking about Liz begging for Savage’s health. This video has Savage’s pre-match promo, which is one of his best as he describes the pain and feeling of helplessness the Snakeman has put him through. Savage rushes in and Roberts powders. Savage right out after him sends him into post and tries to tear his face off repeatedly. Here comes the furniture and he chokes Roberts with his boots and the ref has lost control of this melee. An elbow across the Snake’s throat on the apron, Jake bleeds from the nose the hardway I reckon and it is all Macho Man.

Savage jabs in the corner and keeps tearing at his nose.  Jake sends Macho over the top rope and he just comes right back in on the offense. The Macho Man will not be denied. Roberts throws him back over the top rope and Jake takes Savage into the post twice. The second time was unprotected, damn. Savage’s double axe-handle is blocked with a shot to gut and a flash DDT knocks Macho Man unconscious, but Jake’s appetite is not satiated. After a minute, Savage is up and here comes the short-arm clothesline. Jake the Snake taunts the fans and signals for the second DDT. The DDT attempt is blocked with a desperation of back body drop.

Savage has the wherewithal to hit Roberts with a double axe-handle onto the floor driving The Snake’s throat into the guardrail. Savage takes this opportunity to hit the BIG ELBOW and pick up the victory. Refs flood the ring so Savage jumps into their mob and they disperse; he hits another BIG ELBOWS. The refs stop him from driving the ring bell across the throat. Liz jogs down in heels and embraces Savage   to blow off the feud.

This was the beginning of the babyface Savage formula of the 90’s. Start off red-hot, take heat for most of the match then hit two moves for the win. This is the very good version of the formula because Jake the Snake is such an effective heel. I am going a tad lower on the rating because I think Jake desereved more comeuppance than just two elbows. ***1/2

We have one more installment before  my tribute to the Macho Man is done and it is my favorite Savage title victory…

Macho Madness: A Tale of Kings, Warriors and Love

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Sick as a dog, but the show must go on. My sister is back on American soil and she still speaks English. WAHOO~!

So we have seen the progression of the Macho Man character. This is a key distinction in the wrestling world where there are one-dimensional gimmicks and very realistic characters. Some of the greatest wrestling draws were simple gimmicks. The Road Warriors are arguably the greatest tag team of all-time, but they have the character depth of a puddle. Even Hogan needed a heel reinvention in 1996 to finally become a character rather than a gimmick. Randy Savage was a character with tragic flaws of paranoia and jealous that drove him to fits of rage. Savage was a good guy at heart, but sometimes his emotions just got the best of him and that would turn him heel. After, the Wrestlemania V loss, Savage decided to make a clean break with the past. He dropped the lovely, but meek Elizabeth in favor of the physically capable, sadistic Sensational Sherri, who added a dynamic presence to his act. He dropped the short trunks for long tights.  After years of observing and being told Elizabeth was his greatest weakness, he made the conscious choice to choose the exact opposite female, but still a female, after all he did just have the biggest break-up of his career and you always want to make the ex jealous. The sequined robes and animal-print headbands were turned in for his trademark psychedelic space cowboy outfit. He even changed his nickname from Macho Man to Macho King after defeating “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan for the right to call himself the King of the WWF.

The Macho King and the Sensational Queen

Everything fit into the new character dynamic that after a year of trying to dethrone Hulk Hogan as the WWF World Champ and with the Ultimate Warrior being the anointed successor, he leveraged the Macho King title to delude himself into a fantasy of grandeur where he was the number one wrestler in the company.   The Macho King and the Sensational Queen would be carried to the ring by jabronis and he feuded with “common man” wrestlers such as “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan (HOOOOOOOOOO! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!) and the newly arrived, polka-dot wearing “American Dream” Dusty Rhodes. Why did he pick on these targets? Savage wanted to prove he was extraordinary not among the common class. It is evident by who he dressed, how he talked, who he hung out with and who he fought. Savage had gone from the supremely talented, but insecure young talent trying to talk and cheat his way to the top. Savage let his guard down in late 1987 and allowed Hulk Hogan to befriend him and cement his status as main event start. The paranoia that comes with the title and his over-protection of Elizabeth caused the Megapowers to burn. So he became insular, but as ex-World Champion, he became even more arrogant in his dealings.

In late 1990, Ultimate Warrior had been passed the torch and World title from Hogan at Wrestlemania VI, but was tanking as a draw. Savage tried to step up as a challenger, but was ducked in favor of heel Sgt. Slaughter. Sgt. Slaughter was an ex-Marine, but was turned heel as an Iraqi sympathizer at the height of the Gulf War, yep not one of the most tasteful WWF storylines. Savage got Warrior’s attention by costing him the belt against Slaughter. So it was setup a double main event for Wrestlemania VII: Hogan vs Slaughter for the title and WOYAH~! Vs Macho King in a career vs career match.

RAGE!

It all came down to this match, Savage and Warrior, whoever lost would be forced to retire. Savage could attain that moment forever immortalize him by taking the career of newly anointed Ultimate Warrior. On the flip side, Warrior could prove all the doubters and haters wrong by taking down the second greatest WWF superstar of all time up to that point.

A word on the Ultimate Warrior, he made Randy Savage look like a mild-mannered, even-tempered dude. Yep, he was that Looney Tunes. He talked to his hands and fuck it… watch this video:

Convinced? I thought so.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs The Ultimate Warrior – Career vs Career

Wrestlemania VII

Bobby The Brain spots Liz in the crowd before the match and posits she is here to watch Savage lose and rub it in. This gets a trademark, “O will you stop” from Gorilla. The Macho King and his Sensational Queen are carried to the ring by some jabronies. Warrior walks to the ring, instead sprinting. Thank God, one of the reasons for his poor conditioning in matches was that he blow up due to sprinting.  Warrior is decked out with Savage and Warrior’s face airbrushed on each of his knee-pads. His tights declare that “This [match] means more than this [WWF World Title]”. Cant say it much better myself.

Warrior is very stoic, while Savage is tweaking out, the crowd is firmly behind Warrior, but there are Savage fans in attendance. Warrior establishes he is the more powerful of the two by winning a lock-up. Savage attempts some early cheating, but that doesn’t phase the WOYAH~! Warrior hits a clothesline, double goozle, two atomic drops, and a final double goozle sends Savage crashing into Sherri. Well it seems like the Macho King is going to have to change his strategy.  Savage gets tangled in the ropes and Warrior goes to work in a match of this magnitude you have to take every advantage you get. When Warrior telegraphs a back body drop, Savage finally gets some offense in with a sitout clothesline. He tries to complete the combination with cross-body off the top, but Warrior catches him mid-air. BUT, he sets him down and paintbrushes him. TORCHED~!

Savage takes a walk and throws a chair in the ring. This is enough distraction to blindside the Warrior, but Warrior still levels him. None of the Macho Man’s usual tricks seem to be working. It turns out it was not a trick to get him the advantage it was Warrior’s overzealousness. Warrior charges into the corner and Macho moves at the last second sending Warrior to crash and burn over the top. Here we go, Sherri, take it to him. Sherri gets in more offense than Savage has at this point with throat thrust, double axe-handle, knee-lift and an eye-rake. This buys Savage some time to recover and then capitalize on his newfound advantage by sending the Warrior into the steel ring post. YOU CAN’T HURT STEEL!!! Here come the Warrior chants, chant all you want, but doesn’t change the fact that your boy is a fuckin nutjob.   The ususal bodyslam/kneedrop combination gets two, but gives Savage the psychological advantage of the first close pinfall. Backslide spot, but Warrior wins for a two count, so much for that advantage.
Both men stand up and stare at each other so Savage, being a defiant prick, spits at him. In a strange spot, Warrior tries to hit a flying shoulderblock on a kneeling Savage only to miss. Savage regains the advantage with a chinlock in the first stoppage of action in this fast-paced match. Sherri is so fuckin loud. Double clothesline and both men are down.  Sherri desperately tries to revive her meal ticket, the Macho King, but then does the next best thing distracts the ref while Warrior has him in a small package. A frustrated Warrior takes the ref to task, but that is when Savage blindsides him with his textbook high-knee. Savage holds Warrior in place to take a spiking from Sherri as she ascends the top, but Sherri connects with her high-heel onto Savage. If this was WCW, Savage would have been blinded for a couple months.

Warrior goes after Sherri, which gives Savage a chance to roll-up him for two and then drives his throat into the top rope as Savage slingshots himself over. Wicked clothesline to the back of the head by Savage gets two.  Savage in complete command knows what he must do. He hits not just one, not just two, not just Three, not just FOUR, BUT FIVE BIG ELBOWS OFF THE TOP onto the prone Warrior, a lesser man would just expired from this world after four and Hogan would have hulked-up after one. Too easy, too easy.

Warrior doesn’t kick out, but barely lifts his shoulder up at two, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Hogan would have pressed Savage off and no-sold the whole thing. Hogan sucks. Savage’s wide-eyed expression at the Warrior’s kick-out is worth everything. It is a mixture of frustration, shock and fear. Fear that he may not be able to win this match. Savage pounds away on the Warrior, but to no avail as WARRIOR begins to do his rope-shake, we all know what is coming. Three clotheslines, the press slam and now the Warrior splash. He turns Savage over and he kicks out. HOLY SHIT! What a false finish.

Warrior looks down to his hands and then up to the Heavens wondering what he has to do put the Macho King away. Gorilla tries his best to narrate this melodramatic mid-match crisis. Warrior believes this Divine Providence that he is no longer fit to wrestle (I never thought he was that fit anyway) and begins to walk away as the ref pleads with him to reconsider because it will cost him his career. After all this, Savage forces his hand by walloping Warrior and Warrior is out. Sherri hold Warrior in place draped over the guard-rail as Savage ascends his perch looking to hit his double axe-handle onto the outside. However, this time, Warrior shoves Sherri off and Savage crashes and burns chin-first onto the guardrail.

Warrior stands Savage up in the middle of the ring, but he is out on his feet. Flying shoulderblock sends Savage flying out of the ring. Two more of these and Warrior puts his foot on Savage’s chest and the ref counts 1-2-3.

You won’t find many more dramatic matches in the history of wrestling. This is essentially now the blueprint of every Wrestlemania main event. Hit people with your finishers, but they still kick-out and then you have to hit the super-finisher to pick up the win. What I love about this match is that neither man really wins the match. Each time, they got an advantage it was become another’s mistake, it told the tale of two evenly-matched wrestlers. But wait there is more…

Sherri is pissed, I mean ripshit, that Savage lost. She begins kicking him while he is down and berating him. Liz cant stand to see anymore and hops the barricade. (Swarm! Swarm! Swarm! Whoops, she is part of the act.)  Liz in her first physical moment  takes Sherri by the hair and throws her out of the ring. To say the crowd is going wild at this point is an understatement. Remember, Savage and Liz have been separated for exactly two years. When Savage gets up, he almost decks her because he doesn’t realize who is behind him. He teases being pissed at seeing her and the whole crowd just wants that embrace. When they embrace it is not so much a pop, but an extended cheer of joy and a standing ovation. Then Savage hoists her up on his shoulder in one of the most iconic shots in wrestling. The camera pans to all the women crying and even I am moved each time I see this segment. Savage was such an effective bad guy, none of the fans ever wanted to see him go. There it was all these emotions of Savage losing his career, Liz saving him and their reunion, a perfect confluence of wrestling theater. As Liz goes to hold the ropes for Randy, he waves her off and in a true showing of class, holds the ropes for her. This sends the crowd and me into a whole new tizzy. ***** for the whole thing, you can’t beat this shit. May favorite Savage match/moment all wrapped into one. Macho Madness Lives Forever in this moment.   

The Greatest Wrestling Image Ever

Macho Madness: Macho Man vs The Luster

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Here I am rooting for a Celtics/Heat Eastern Conference finals so that my family can have our own version of the Mega-Powers EXPLODE~! Alas, I am not even sure the Heat will make it anymore. Ugh.

So where we left off Steambot has just picked up the I-C title from Savage at Wrestlemania III. The Steamer couldn’t handle the grind of the WWF schedule so they had him drop the title to the inept Honky Tonk Man, who embarked on a record-setting 14 month run with the title. Wrestling fans have verbed his name to mean retaining your title by cheap, inept tactics. Thus drawing the ire of the fans because they don’t believe you deserve the belt. It is the ultimate form of cheap heat. It goes without saying that Honky Tonk Man was a heel, but Savage was a heel. What to do? What to do?

Well at a Saturday’s Night Main Event, Macho Man challenged Honky Tonk Man for the I-C belt, but post-match was attacked by his flunkies, the Hart Foundation (Bret “The Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart) and their manager “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart. So Liz did the sensible thing and went in swinging with a steel chair. Nah, that was a funny mental image though. She went to the back and got the WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan, who saved Savage. Thus the MEGA-POWERS WERE BORN!!!

The first match I will review is from the next SNME, where Savage takes on Bret “The Hitman” Hart. McMahon saw something special in Hart and his brilliant execution and he wanted to see if he could hang with the best talent. For Savage, it would be a chance to show off his athleticism and establish himself as the No. 2 babyface behind Hulk Hogan.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Bret “The Hitman” Hart

Saturday Night Main Event Nov. 1987

This match has a cult following on the internet, but I had never seen it. I know, I know, I am a horrible fan. However, I found it and now it is time to me dig into some deliciousness.

Vince begins with some leering at Liz, who looks lovely in her pink dress. Savage, not so much, purple and orange robe.  Savage is ripshit about last month and is raring to go. Neidhart and Jimmy Hart circle Liz, but Savage hops down to scare off the heels. Ventura points out that this will be a tough task because of all the distraction. Savage chases the Hart Foundation. Gets a hold of Hart and throws him head first into the steel ringpost. Savage takes control in the corner, but Hart moves at the last second and Savage goes hard into the corner. Haste makes waste says my mother as Savage is over-zealousness cost them here. Bret Hart’s using a combination of strikes and chokes a lot of offense on the throat. Hart telegraphs the back body drop and a big standing elbow by the Macho Man. Savage is trying to tear his nose off and sends Hart flying into the guardrail in an impressive bump. What I love so far that Savage still wrestles the match like he would, but it is justified because he is out for revenge. Savage hits the double noggin knocker on Nedihart and Jimmy. As he goes for the double axe-handle and Bret connects with a punch to the gut.

Liz looks to help Savage, but Neidhart kicks Savage in the gut. Back in the ring, Hart hits a leg drop and he taunts Liz. He hangs Savage in the tree of woe, never seen Hart use that, ad delivers some kicks. Hart with a vicious piledriver, but only gets two and Ventura is impressed by his guts. Since it is really hard to fake a punch and most wrestlers suck at it. They should use the standing elbow that Savage and Hart are so fond of, looks so much more effective.  Now Savage moves and it is Hart that goes hard into the buckle.  Macho Man, in desperation, sends Hart into the ringpost arm-first.  Hart has been taking a lot of abuse. Double axe-handle off the top gets a two, but Hart recovers with a backbreaker. However, Savage is playing possum and Hart crashes and burns with an elbow. Macho Man flies over the top throttling Hart’s throat over the top rope. Savage piefaces the ref and a walks into a back body drop onto the floor. Savage has fucked up his knee bad and the Hart Foundation has made Bret aware of Savage’s busted knee. My mother is convinced that Savage’s knee is really hurt. I love my parents they know it is fake, but at the first instance of extraordinary selling, they are hooked back in.

Savage is literally hobbling on one-leg and we all know the chances of a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Vince puts over Savage’s guts and Machismo. Savage is using the ropes to hold him up. Let me remind the reader that Hart was just a tag wrestler at this point and Savage was the veritable second most popular wrestler in the world and he was not afraid to show some ass for him. Hogan, take some notes, bitch. Hart is locked the fuck in on that leg and takes the leg and slams it against the steel ringpost. McMahon is pleading with the ref to stop the match as Hart sadistically attacks the ankle with spinning toe holds. Savage kicks him off and is literally wrestling this match hopping on one leg. That’s commitment. O shit at some point, Savage’s boot came off and Hart is kicking his exposed leg. Single leg-crab now and Savage barely makes the ropes, but it does not stop the Hart onslaught. Savage rakes the eyes just for a breather. You know what this match needs is some concerned looks from Liz. Come on, director. Savage reverses a suplex into an inside cradle and makes a three-count. Holy shit! You would never see Hogan do a match like that. Jimmy clobbers Bret with the megaphone by accident and Savage from his back wards them off with a megaphone. Now, Liz comes in to check on Macho Man. The crowd goes wild for Savage’s incredible performance.

And in 19888, the Emmy for Best Performance in Primetime Serial goes to wait for it… the Macho Man Randy Savage. Give them 10 more minutes of leg heat and this was *****. As it stands, it was bit short ****, but totally insanely fun.

So with Savage being primed for a run at the top, Hogan exited to film his hit movie, No Holds Barred, bwhahahha. McMahon toyed with the radical idea of having a heel run at the top, “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiasie. There is an old saying in reasons, heels don’t fly in New York, they fly in Atlanta. The number one difference between McMahon (NY) and NWA/WCW (southern wrestling) is that McMahon is the greatest booker of babyfaces ever and the first and only time he ran with a heel is Ric Flair-mark Triple H. In NWA/WCW, the money was always in the chase and almost always ran with a heel on top most notably at this time, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Anyways, McMahon got cold feet and gave Savage the run atop with the belt. Now of course, Hogan being protective of his spot came up with a screwy way to drop the belt on the ref. It involved twin refs, Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiasie paying off everyone. Andre won on a fast-count to the largest TV wrestling audience as 35 million people tuned into watch this match in 1988. DiBiasie bought the title off Andre in a great heel move, but the WWF said not so fast due to all the controversy we are going to have a 14-man one-night tournament  for the vacant WWF World Heavyweight Title (Hogan and Andre had byes). Savage went over Butch Reed, Greg “the Hammer” Valentine, One Man Gang before getting to the finals against DiBiasie. Usually, I am a sucker for tournaments, but there were too many matches and this one was boring as fuck. The finals really isn’t anything remarkable. DiBiasie comes out with Andre, but Liz goes to the back and against the Hulkster. Hogan ends up sticking his nose in everyone’s business by hitting DiBiasie in the back with a steel chair. Thus Macho Man captired his first World Championship. It would be Savage’s first and longest reign as world heavyweight champion.

Most of the year was spent feuding with the mega-over Ted DiBiasie, Andre The Giant, and weirdly enough Bad News Brown (a street-tough black wrestler from Harlem), a career mid-carder. So the match I chose to review from Savage’s title reign is the same one the WWE picked to represent his reign on their DVD, a cage match against DiBiasie at MSG.

WWF World Heavyweight Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiasie – Cage Match

June 1988 MSG

DiBiasie is accompanied as usual by his black man-servant, Virgil, no racial overtones there. Virgil was named after rival NWA booker, Dusty Rhodes. Old-school Blue WWF cage, which has no give, and this is escape-rules only. Finkel lets us know he makes his summer residence in Hyanniport, MA that is a beautiful bit of heel heat there.  DiBiasie has underrated hair.  O God, I forgot the C-Team is on commentary. Savage is wearing that badass dragon robe and seems extra antsy to get to the ring. I did not think that DiBiasie rivalry was that personal.  Shoddy camera work and all of sudden Savage I on the mat getting beaten by DiBiasie, fuck Lord Alfred is here. Ted has good worked punches, nice fist-drop, real smooth combination of strikes from Ted. Savage does the ram his head into the turnbuckles 10 times and then connects with a knee-drop. Savage really needs to watch the reverse elbow, nice backbreaker by DiBiasie. Savage slams DiBiasie before he can get out. Savage stops the Million Dollar Man before he can be rammed into the cage.  Nice clothesline by DiBiasie and fist-drop combination and again he goes for the escape, but Macho Man is there to grab his tights.

The story of the match seems to be as soon as DiBiasie gets advantage he attempts an escape, but he just has not put Macho Man away enough to get the victory.  Savage gets DiBiasie hung up in the ropes and Savage chokes DiBiasie. Macho Man is impeded from escaping by Virgil. One of these clowns describes a punch from DiBiasie as a “thought-rearranger” just so you know the level of commentary I am dealing with. The Million Dollar Man is the first to taste the unforgiving steel as he goes head-first.  Big back flop by Ted and Savage is just exhausted. Savage has the wherewithal to make an attempt. Here comes Virgil with a couple shots to the gut and Ted hangs him in the tree of woe.  Macho Man makes a break for it, but Ted gets a press slam off the top rope. DiBiaise on spaghetti legs, but starts using his noggin and tries to make a move for the door. Savage impedes him with punches and then a double clothesline. Savage stirs first and crawls to the door and DiBiasie dives for Savage’s foot. “Superstar” Billy Graham, who I love to death, is killing me here with a stupid rant about Liz taking up power lifting. “She will still be beautiful 80 pounds heavier.” – WTF?!?!?!

Double clothesline spot again and this time both men are really selling it. They go for the double escape spot.  O NO!!! Virgil impedes Savage, but a fuckin idiot DiBiasie goes after Savage when he has a clear path to the title. Savage hits a suplex on Ted and then a reverse atomic drop sends DiBiasie rocketing into the cage head first. Ted is out cold, Savage crawls to the door and Virgil slams the door on Randy’s head. Million Dollar Man is almost out, Savage has a tight grips on those tights and pulls him back in. They slug it out on their knees mina spot I love. Savage wins and sends Ted back into the cage head-first. As Macho Man is making an escape, all three men are ontop of the 15 foot high cage and an overzealous fan decides to join them atop the 15 foot cage. The teenager is trying to help Savage as the cheating was just getting unbearable for him.  Now the normal policy is to wallop all fans who jump the rail, but since the kid is 15 feet high in the air that isn’t happening. The teenager realizes this was not the brightest idea and jumps down. Savage hits the double noggin knocker on the heels, who both go tumbling down in different directions. Savage has a clear path to retain the title.  Savage wins and retains the championship.

Typical WWF cage match, I have not watched a lot of DiBiasie, but he is highly regarded however this match just didn’t seem extraordinary. Very paint by numbers lots of escape spots and a couple good false finishes don’t make for a stellar match. I give it ***.

So Savage ran through the challengers throughout the year, however at all the PPV’s (Summerslam and Survivor Series) it was the Mega-Powers that teamed against the Mega-Bucks (DiBiasie/Andre). By the time January has came around Lust Hogan had stolen Elizabeth to his manager. I mean Hulk Hogan had taken Miss Elizabeth to be his manager. At the second annual Royal Rumble in January of 1989, Savage was fighting in the ropes with his nemesis, Bad News Brown and Hogan dumped them both. To say Savage was pissed is an understatement. The paranoia and jealousy had ensnared the mind of the Macho Man, he just needed that snapping point, what is beautiful is that Savage character was already established as a paranoid lunatic. This came at a Night Main Event in February as the Mega-Powers teamed up against the Twin Towers (Big Bossman and Akeem), who had eliminated Hogan at the Rumble and the new chief heels of the WWF. Halfway through the bout, Liz is accidentally wiped out by Savage (an impressive bump for the petite Elizabeth) and Savage is incensed and immediately attempts to gain revenge on the Towers. Hogan, on the other hand, tends to Liz and carries her to the back. Ooooooooooo drama.

So after 5 minutes of preening for the cameras and Macho Man taking the shit-kicking of a lifetime, Hogan decides to graciously honor Savage with his presence. Savage snubs him for awhile and then is like” fuck you drama queen” and bitchslaps him saying “do it yourself, tough guy”. So clearly you the think perfect opportunity to buildup the Twin Towers as monsters, nah. They get unceremoniously jobbed out to the Luster, I mean Hulkster.

Then comes the part when they talk them into the building. Savage goes an incredibly hateful, paranoid, jealous, incendiary rant accusing Hogan of lusting after his woman and title. Watch it, this why Savage is The Man: 

The perfect storytelling of this whole thing is that Savage is in the right, Hogan has been grandstanding and hot dogging in front of the crowd because he was insecure without the title. However, by putting his hands on Liz and going about the way he does he turns the crowd against him. That is the most effective heel of all the one that truly believes what he is saying. This was the high-water mark in terms of Hulkamania era booking. One of the greatest storyline of all time that I have ever witnessed. Wouldn’t you know that Wrestlemania V is right around the corner, looks like we have a main event title match.

WWF World Heavyweight Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Lust Hogan

Wrestlemania V

Savage enters first without Elizabeth as Gorilla tells us she will be in a neutral corner. The Body is right on that saying she is a gold-digger and leave with whomever wins the belt. Gorilla does a horrible job defending her as she makes her own entrance. The Luster is out next to a decent-size pop as the primma donna grandstanding continues, usually the champion would enter last, but not in a Hogan match. By the by I stole Lust Hogan and the Luster from Jesse The Body. The Body is all over Lust Hogan saying how low does a man have to stoop to go after a man’s woman just to challenge him for the belt.  Plenty of early heel stall tactics as Jesse informs us “Ya don’t sweat Macho”. They lock-up and Hogan establishes he is the more powerful of the two. Hogan chants grow louder as Savage tries to get Hogan to chase him around the ring. Turn it into a cat and mouse game smart by Randy. Things not going Savage’s way so he berates Liz to get some heat. Finally Hogan, gives chase and Macho Man hides behind Liz. There is the Macho Man I know and love.

Back in the ring, Hogan does his one chain wrestling sequence he knows. Long time fans know which one I am talking about. Savage is able to counter a side headlock with belly to back suplex he follows that up with an eye-rake and a double axe-handle to get two. Macho Man keeps control over the Luster by grabbing what little hair he has left. Hogan drops down and pulls the tights to break the hold and send Macho Man to the outside. Hogan hits a series of strikes and finishes with a heelish boot-rake, which sends Jesse into a tizzy over the hypocrisy of Hogan and his fans.  The Luster telegraphs the back body drop and Savage regains controls with a sitout clothesline. It is now we notice that Hogan has been busted open above his eye the hard way. I have no idea after seeing this match a dozen times what caused that. We hit the chinlock by Macho. A high-knee with Hogan’s back turned gets two and Savage goes after the eye. Hogan makes a comeback with bodyslamming Savage over the top rope and onto the floor in an impressive spot.

Now we kick it into high gear. Liz tries to tend to the Macho Man, but he is having none of it and almost decks her. The Luster hoists Savage on his shoulder and looks to ram him into the steel ring post. Shades of the January 1986 match as Liz stands in front of the ring post and Savage slips down the back and shoves Lust Hogan into the post. Liz goes to tend to the fallen Hogan, well there goes Savage’s fragile psyche.  He snaps and measures her for a punch in a rather uncomfortable to watch because Savage plays such a frightening lunatic. Liz is escorted from ringside. Now Macho Man can really concentrate. He hits his patented double axe-handle onto Hogan throttling his throat into the guardarail. Exaggerated selling by Hogan follows as Savage hotshots Hogan throat across the top rope. He drapes Hogan’s throat across the middle rope gets a head of steam and drops all his weight across the Luster’s throat. Jesse says it is just a matter of time. He follows this up with an elbow across the throat on the apron. Savage’s bodyslam/kneedrop combination only get 2. Savage chokes him with his wrist tape and then chokes him out with his bare hands. Worst. Ref. Evah. Savage up top with the BIG ELBOW! Of course Hogan presses him off like he is nothing. Hulk-Up. You know the rest of this garbage. Lust Hogan captures the title for a second time.

Tremendous storyline with a lackluster climax. As a standalone match it is an above average bout, but the storyline before it enhances the quality. Savage just was not as enraged as I wanted him to be. Until the bodyslam to the outside the match was pretty boring and by the  numbers. They should have taken a page out of the their January 1986 encounter and started the match hot with Savage blindsiding him. The finish was hot and in context of the storyling I give it ***1/2, but watch it in conjunction with the promo videos.

Next time, we look at my all-time favorite Savage match and the greatest dramatic segment in the history of wrestling.

   

British Bulldog: A Night At Wembley

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Community is a weird show. Annie is wicked hot.

Ogle Ogle Ogle Ogle

I totally forgot today was the ten-year anniversary of the passing of the “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith and figured what the hell lets do a review for him. Davey Boy was actually from Britain (always a big draw there) and got his big break as one-half of the British Bulldogs with the Dynamite Kid in Stampede Wrestling up in Calgary. Dynamite Kid, who was Chris Benoit’s idol, was a hard-hitting, high-impact wrestler, but on the smaller side. Smith was the bigger of the two and possessed incredible power, but impressive agility for a man his size. Stampede Wrestling was run by Stu Hart, patriarch of the famous Hart clan and it was there the Bulldogs caught the eye of Vince McMahon and the WWF. However, while up there Davey Boy became smitten with one of the Hart girls: Diana and ended up marrying her.

In the WWF, The British Bulldogs captured their World Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania II and embarked on great feuds with likes of fellow Stampede alumni, the Hart Foundation, Bret “The Hitman” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, both of who were his brothers in -law. Bret was Diana’s brother and the Anvil married another Hart girl by the name of Ellie. The Bulldog eventually branched off into singles wrestling as the Dynamite Kid, an ornery son of a bitch, entered a downward spiral of alcohol and drugs.

In my opinion, the British Bulldog was an over-achiever, as he was not not gifted in the promo department, but he was an exceptional talent in the ring, agile for a man his size. However, the hallmark of a great wrestler is he can wrestle a great match with anybody. All of the Bulldog’s great matches occurred against either Bret, Owen Hart (RIP Owen) or Shawn Michaels. With a week of training, I could have a great match against one of those three in their primes. Yet Bulldog headlined many PPV’s, but never did capture the big one. His biggest moment was at Summerslam 1992 at Wembley Stadium in London, England in front of 80,000 of his countrymen he main evented his first PPV against his brother in-law, Bret “The Hitman” Hart challenging for the Intercontinental Championship.

WWF Intercontinental Champion Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith

Summerslam 1992 London, UK

They are hanging from the rafters, Gorilla! A decidedly split reaction for the ultra-white meat babyface Bret Hart. Tons of Union Jacks in the audience to support the Bulldog. Diana is shown in the crowd and The Brain immediately thinks she will support whoever wins. Vince says that Diana must very conflicted about this confrontation. Vince asserts that Hart is just as popular as Bulldog, in any country, definitely McMahon. The Brain wonders if Hart is kissing the championship goodbye as Hart gives out his shades to a lucky kid in the front row. They stand toe-to-toe and lock eyes. Shove by Bret to establish “Boo me!” as if the fans needed any help with the Bulldog donning Union Jack tights.

Collar elbow tie-up, Bulldog wins both and grabs a side headlock. They do a criss-cross spot and huge shoulderblock sends Hart to the outside. Nice bump. The Brain wonders why Davey Boy lets Whoopi Goldberg do his hair. Smith has his hair braids with red, white, and blue beads in them.  Smith’s power game has been established. Hart proves he is the superior chain wrestler grabbing a side-headlock. Hart escapes the press slam and a series of flash near-falls for Bret. He slows down Bulldog with a  side-headlock. The Brain posits that they are on an equal footing because neither is too bright. Smith escapes smoothly into a hammerlock and drives the knees into Hart’s exposed arm. Hart regains his vertical base and applies a standing armbar. Very smooth and well-executed by both men so far as it is power vs technique. Smith uses his agility to escape the armbar and grab his own. Criss-cross spot and Davey boy catches him and catapults Hart into the corner. Back onto the arm, nice leverage moves by Smith as he lifts Hart by one arm. The fans are chanting Bulldog. Nice crucifix pin by Bulldog gets two and its right back on the armbar as Diana looks on concerned. Hart tries to get out of the armbar by slamming the Bulldog, but Bulldog hangs onto the hold. Davey Boy is relentless on the arm. Reviewing things help notice new things, Bret sets up a lot of spots in this match by running the ropes. British crowd has airhorns to rev up and co-ordinate the chant for Bulldogs while Bulldog is in the chinlock. Atomic drop as the fans are hot for the Bulldog; Bret blocks the crucifix pin with a slam and we go back to the chinlock. Another criss-cross pot, this time British Bulldog wins with a monkey flip. Bulldog connects with a headbutt. When Bret gets his foot up in the corner to stop the charging Bulldog, the crowd boos like mad. Bret sets him up for the first of his FIVE MOVES OF DOOM: the bulldog out of the corner.           

In a move out of the Flair playbook, Bulldog press slams Bret off the top rope, but Bret moves out of the way of a high-risk move by the Bulldog. In 1992, Vince was already describing Bret a wily veteran. Good Bret spot is when it looks like the opponent is going to get a victory roll and he slides down sending his opponent to crash and burn on the outside. The crowd HATES Bret. Bret with a nasty pescado on the Bulldog by hooking his neck on the way down. He picks up the Bulldog an drams his back first into the steel ringpost. Bret has chosen his body part.

Bret sends Bulldog hard into the turnbuckles, now a headbutt to the small of the back. Side Russian Legsweep, the second of the Five Moves of Doom gets a two-count. Davey Boy may be out on his feet as Bret is pummeling him with Europen uppercuts finally gets his off his feet with a dropkick. Big back body drop only gets two for Bret. This actually some really good heel work for Bret as he is working the crowd into a frenzy, Bulldog should get some credit for selling. Crowd is rabid for the Bulldog, one of the hottest crowds ever. Nice snap suplex only gets two, which is the third Move of Doom. Bulldog reverses a European uppercut into a backslide popping the crowd. Backbreaker and in combination with a second rope elbow completes the Five Moves of Doom and still the Bulldog kicks out at two. Hart, now goes into a full-on dick heel mode, pulling up Bulldog by his braids drawing the ire of the partisan British crowd. The Brain notes you could never do that to Bret because his hair is coated with oil slicks. HA!

Bret is clearly frustrated now so he goes back to the chinlock. Wild swing by the Bulldog is reversed into a sleeper by the Hitman. Vince, annoyingly, declares it is over which means it isn’t. Vince sucked on commentary. Bulldog gets to the ropes and Bret breaks at 4. Off the ropes they go and Bret slaps on another sleeper. They do the “three arm” drops spot and Bulldog powers out at two. Bulldog breaks the hold by ramming Bret into the turnbuckle. Slugfest, baby! In a spot I think that went awry, Bulldog goes for a press slam and drops Bret into the ropes and Bret gets all tangled. Huge clothesline by the Bulldog on Bret out of the corner as the crowd comes alive for Smith. Only gets two for Davey Boy, who now hits a press slam for two count. Smith is in disbelief and goes for a delayed  vertical suplex. That is one of the Bulldog’s best spots, but only gets two. Bret takes the Bret bump into the turnbuckles, but that only gets a two. Bulldog signals for the Running Powerslam and I notice there is a Confederate flag in the crowd. WTF?!?! Running Powerslam only gets two and is a tremendous false finish. Hart is selling like a champ by using the ropes to hold him up and Smith just nudges his head and he collapses.  

Hart reverses a vertical suplex into bridging German suplex for only a two count and the crowd is bonkers and I am coughing up a storm due to all this excitement. Bret hooks him for a suplex, but Bulldog sets him up on the top rope. Huge superplex by Smith and he drapes the arm over Hart and only gets two.  Double clothesline and both men are out. Even though they had some restspots we are near the 25 minute mark and this had been a pace that kills. From their backs, Hart is attempting to apply the Sharpshooter, his finishing subsmission hold. The crowd is nervous as their hero seems doomed for defeat. Full applied and Vince declares it to be all over. Vince is ultimate negative nelly. But Bulldog gets to the ropes and Bret sends him off the ropes. Bulldog sits down on a sunset flip attempt and gets a three count and the INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP. The pop is HUGE and it lasts for minutes as the stadium is RAUCOUS! The Bret teases exiting as the crowd boos before they finally embrace to huge cheers as The Brain suggests he waffle him.

A stellar contest for the Intercontinental title as it was the Bret show. A brilliant performance by him on offense and then bumping to make the Bulldog look like a million bucks that is heralded as one the most impressive singular performances. Bulldog hit his spots well and together they wrestled a damn near perfect match. *****

The British Bulldog would go on to main PPV’s against Bret, Diesel and Shawn for the WWF title and win the tag team titles with brother in-law, Owen, one of the most terrific tag teams of the 90s. Davey Boy passed in 2002. His greatest achievement will be that one summer night in Wembley when he set London ablaze with his Intercontinental title victory. Rest In Peace, Davey Boy.

Macho Madness: History Beckons The Macho Man

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

The less said about the Heat, the better. Fucking pathetic.

I have a birthday coming up and I love that shirt.  *hint* *hint*

Where we left off, Savage had a rocket strapped to his ass by McMahon and was pushed to the top of the heap. McMahon rewarded Savage for his performance with Hogan with  a run with I-C belt. Savage, in true cowardly heel fashion, stole the title from Tito Santana and now he was out for vengeance. In addition, the loveable George “The Animal” Steele (a violent lunatic in the ‘60s) had become infatuated with Elizabeth drawing the ire of her uber-jealous husband, Randy Savage. Savage was also programmed into a feud with “The Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino. The problem with both these feuds was that Steele and Sammartino were huge stars in 1960s and it was now 1986 so to say they were over the hill is an understatement. Still Savage bumped like a madman for them and parlayed the reign into a highly successful over year long reign. Of course climaxing with the tremendous bout against  Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat at Wrestlemania III.

Interesting note, up until this point I had seen each of the matches I reviewed at least once beforehand. This will not be the case with the following two matches.

ARRIBA!

WWF Intercontinental Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Tito Santana – No DQ

May 1986 Maple Leaf Gardens

I was trying to find the No DQ match from MSG, but youtube did not have it. This probably the “same match” anyways. Savage’s robe is the coolest fuckin one I have ever seen as it is adorned with red & gold dragons with a matching gold head band and Savage written in white sequins with a red trim on a black base, a true beauty. Also, there is Liz. Just kidding Liz, looking beautiful and elegant as always. Gorilla takes a potshot at Savage and says Bobby The Brain will be broadcast colleague. Gorilla and The Brain are widely considered the greatest commentary team in history. Savage begins with some trash talking stalling as it announced a No Disqualification match. Liz attempts to the hold ropes open and Savage yells at her to get in the ring so he can hide behind her. Smart strategy it impedes Santana from blindsiding him. I am digging Liz’s dress and damn Liz almost becomes collateral damage to Savage’s madman antics. Savage with his shades and bandana still on ascends the top, but Tito catches him with a right as he comes down. Savage attempts to crawl on his hands and knees away, but Tito catches him and rams his head into the top turnbuckle. Santana goes for an early Figure 4 and Savage skedaddles. Tito follows him outside and hits with chairs and sends him into the guardrail. Santana is fired up!!! Way more intensity in this match than the last one, Santana is all over the Macho Man. Huge “Ti-to” chants, but Savage gets a thumb to the eye and sends Tito crashing over the top to the floor. The Brain gets a potshot in on Hogan. Same corner knee spot from the Boston Garden keeps Tito in control. First double axe-handle of the match knocks out Tito. Savage chokes Tito with the rope and then a brutal knee drop right across the throat, but Tito kicks out. Nice sitout clothesline by Macho Man gets another two count.

Bodyslam by Savage, but this time misses the kneedrop, which should setup Santana’s figure 4 nicely. I like how the match has been laid out so far. Tito started early with a lot of heat being pissed that had been screwed out of the title, but Macho took over some cheating, but finally got frustrated at not putting Santana away thus Tito has openings like a small package and Savage’s knee getting messed up. Savage goes in for the kill and hits a double axe-handle off the top rope onto the floor, but Macho man is still favoring the knee. Unwisely, Savage sneaks around and connects with a high-knee. Savage jumps over the guardrail and steals an usher’s chair , but whiffs and connects with the ringpost. Tito is able get a gut punch as Savage tries another double axe-handle off the top. Now Tito is just bashing Savage’s head off everything as Savage tries to stagger up the ramp. LIZ DO SOMETHING!!! Back in the ring, Tito signals for the Figure 4, but eye-rake saves Macho Man’s belt. Huge “Ti-to” chants! Back outside, Santana maintains the upper-hand. Savage blades off a steel ringpost shot, Liz is in tears. This is not looking good for the Master of Madness. Both men are selling extreme exhaustion (alliteration rulez). Slugfest, Savage finishes it with a eye-rake, but as Savage pulls back for another jab, down goes the ref. So we hit endgame.

Tito hits the Flying Burrito (flying forearm) and Santana is on top of Macho Man. BUT NO REF! Oooooooo Drama! Now Tito with another cover after a bodyslam, but still no referee. Savage with a knee into Tito’s kidney, but Tito applies the victory roll, however Savage reverses and grabs a handful of tights for leverage giving Savage the three-count. Macho bloodied and bruised escapes with the title. The Brain sings “La Cucaracha” to mock Tito and celebrate Savage’s victory. Wonderful.

Great, intense brawl from these two as I have not seen many Santana matches, this one has convinced me to seek out more. I would call this one slightly better than the title change in Boston, giving it **** and becoming Savage’s first **** match in the WWF.

Like I mentioned earlier Savage got programmed into some lame feuds with over the hill legends like Bruno Sammartino and George “The Animal” Steel. However, the next match is doubly intriguing not just because it is against another prolific wrestler in his prime, Jake The Snake Roberts, but it is a very rare heel vs heel match. Savage was the insane Wildman that cheated at all times and was borderline abusive towards Elizabeth. Roberts was cerebral, diabolical villain that in his own words was supposed to be the personification of the Devil, himself. Would the fans side with Satan or wild Savage, tune into find out on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Hail Satan!

WWF Intercontinental Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Jake “the Snake” Roberts

November 1986 Saturday Night’s Main Event

Mean Gene attempts to Liz’s feelings on snakes, but Savage says “Hey, Intercontinental Champ over here”. Mean Gene inquires if he is scared of snakes and Savages says he is going to skin Jake, himself and make him into a belt and boots. McMahon, on commentary, reminds us why he is called the genetic jackhammer as he creepily leers at Elizabeth. Savage licks his lips like a lizard and Jake sits in the corner brooding while the snake crawls around him. It is an impressive sight. In a rare occurrence, Liz and Savage don’t match. Jake with some pre-match shenanigans approaches Liz with the snake in hand. The fans are actually chanting “D-D-T!”, the name of Jake’s finisher, so that answers that question.  McMahon on the other hand finds Roberts transgressions reprehensible and roots for Savage to protect his woman, but Savage true to form hides behind Liz, runs from Damien (the python). McMahon must have been pissed at the crowd reaction then. Liz is rocking what can only be described as a rainbow sherbet dress.      

McMahon gets on my nerves by repeating the word, “sensational”. He wonders who will be the fan favorite in this match. Ventura declares that these are the two most hated villains in all of the WWE and he is interested in seeing the crowd dynamics. Savage is selling the snake so well, plenty of head games. McMahon picks Savage. Both establish they are heels by pulling each other’s hair. Roberts is a big dude, I always forget that, both are just going after each other’s hair. McMahon makes a bald joke at Jesse’s expense. Roberts is wrestling more babyface being on the attack early and Savage showing fear of snakes is not endearing the Macho Man to the crowd.  Failed DDT attempt gets the crowd to pop. Savage catches Roberts with a huge knee in the corner only gets a 2 and Ventura does not think Savage has worn Jake down enough. Jesse says we are going to get some “Good down-home cheating.” And McMahon is incredulous. Savage controls the matches with an assortment of strikes, but can only get 2 counts and starts to choke Jake on the top rope. Savage’s assault has  been relentless, but nothing big and that is Ventura’s correct criticism. Jake the Snake is tied up in the ropes and Savage grabs the snake in the bag and hides it under the ring to help his mental sanity. Jake The Snake breaks free and catches Savage with a knee to the head.    Jake the Snake with his patented short-arm clothesline, but Savage gets his foot on the ropes. The fans are chanting “D-D-T!”, Roberts feigns the DDT and delivers a front suplex, which McMahon and Ventura don’t know the name of, amateur hour. Hands of stone are displayed by Jake The Snake and he blocks a Savage right. Roberts goes for the DDT and Savage hooks the ropes before it can be delivered. Macho Man hides behind LIZ and when Roberts goes for Damien, he blindsides him with a high-knee. Savage hits it in combination with a double axe-handle out of the ring. Savage with another one, but he gets greedy and Jake the Snake reverses.  Just out and out fight as neither man can get the advantage. Savage vents his frustration by shoving the ref away.  Roberts takes advantage of the situation, but when the ref tries to restore order  Jake the Snake shoves him outta the ring. Macho Man throws some furniture into the ring and the ref calls the match a double disqualification. Jake the Snake grabs his snake and rubs it all over the Macho Man. Everyone high-tails it.

What a track meet, goddamn I am out of breath just watching this. The match was all about teasing the DDT and Savage doing everything in his power to escape it. Yet McMahon and Ventura wonder why Roberts was the fan favorite. He was the aggressor that was not backing down. Savage was the one hiding behind women and cheating. Interesting dynamic and definitely worth a  watch, but it is not a clean, decisive finish. The match is a bit short and would have benefited from 10 more minutes, I have seen as high as ****. I give it ***1/2.

The Lord and Master of The Ring

In contrast to the previous two unseen matches, I could probably recite from memory the blow-by-blow account of the next match between Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage. To say it is an excellent ***** match is an understatement. This may be the single greatest match in Wrestlemania history and in wrestling history. While shooting hoops in the backyard, I compiled a list of ***** matches in the history of Wrestlemania:

WWF I-Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat – WM III
Career vs Career: “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs The Ultimate Warrior – WM VII
Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs Owen Hart – WM X
WWF I-C Champion Razor Ramon vs Shawn Michaels Ladder Match – WM X
Bret “The Hitman” Hart vs “Stone Cold” Steve Austin Submission Match WMXIII
World Heavyweight Champion Triple H vs Chris Beniot vs Shawn Michaels WM XX
Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle WM XXI
Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker WM XV

So by my count over the course of 28 Wrestlemanias (which have between 8-10 matches/card), there have only been 8 perfect ***** matches. (There is a reason Shawn Michaels is dubbed Mr. Wrestlemania).  However, the first perfect match was a contest between the Macho Man and the Dragon one that many current superstars point to the reason they are wrestlers (Chris Jericho has specifically said this).  The match has everything a classic wrestling match needs two tremendous workers, a heated feud, some romance, and a whole lot of ass-kicking.

Steamboat had befriended the zany, loveable George The Animal, but Macho Man saw him as another threat to his reign. So Savage put Steamboat out of wrestling for good by collapsing Steamboat’s voicebox with the ring bell. Or so he thought, McMahon ran a bunch of vignettes of Steamboat trying to relearn how to speak climaxing with challenging Savage to a title bout at the biggest show in the history of wrestling: Wrestlemania III at the sold-out Pontiac Silverdome in front of 93,000+ fans, an indoor attendance record for North America in terms of any event until broken by I think a Papal visit by Pope John Paul II (GO CATHOLICS!!!). The reason for the sell-out was the Match of the Century as WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan was taking on the undefeated, unstoppable Andre The Giant. However, McMahon always savvy knew that would be a lumbering contest and worked to put together one of the most athletic contests by pitting Savage and Steamboat together. So as Savage so eloquently states in his pre-match promo for this match: HISTORY BECKONS THE MACHO MAN!!! It is this match among others why Randy Savage has not died and will never die in our minds and hearts. Rest in Peace, Randy.

WWF Intercontinental Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat

Wrestlemania III

Goosebumps. Just immediate goosebumps knowing what I am about to witness. Savage threatens to put Steamboat out of action for good because he is the “Lord and Master of the Ring”. They have the motorized carts to get down the ridiculous rampway, which was actually for Andre’s poor health condition. Liz is in a lovely shade of pink and Savage in a brilliant crimson and blue robe. Stemaboat, who I have met and is incredibly nice guy, but kinda sucks at promos, which was the only thing holding him back from being the greatest wrestler in history. Steamboat is accompanied by George “The Animal” Steele and Gorilla and Jesse The Body are on commentary. Savage is wearing his iconic pink tights with yellow boots with white stars. Savage with some early stalling moves Liz to the “proper” corner away from The Animal. Awwwwww how sweet and totally un-neurotically controlling. The Dragon begins the match with deep arm-drags and picks up Savage by the throat with double-goozle. He breaks on four and Jesse The Body is right on the apparent good guy for breaking the rules flagrantly. Savage takes a powder. In his defense, Macho did crush his larynx, I would be pissed too.

Savage plays cat and mouse and gains the advantage. Jesse declares he is best talent in the wrestling world today and Gorilla begrudgingly agrees. Since leverage wristlock by Steamboat and then wrings the arm over the top rope. Savage stops the arm work by pulling the hair in combination with a reverse elbow. Then he sends Steamboat over the top. Both men are on point with selling Savage his arm and Steamboat having his hard. Gorilla says to look at the back of the cranium of The Animal which is nasty and wrinkled and Jesse echoes those sentiments by saying it is disgusting. Savage impedes Steamboat from getting in with a kick, but lets him in on his own terms by pulling him up by the hair.  The Macho Man always looking to lend a helping hand.

Big elbow right to the injured throat of the Steamboat and the crowd is getting pissed as Savage is in firm control. Macho Man pulls him up by the hair, snapmares him in and gets a two count off a standing elbow. Big kneedrop gets two and the crowd gets hot as Steamboat makes his first comeback with big karate chops. Savage is tied up in the ropes and Jesse immediately takes Steamboat to task for not breaking. Gorilla points out that Savage forfeited that courtesy when he tried to maim Steamboat. Just a brilliant story of the usually well-mannered Steamboat getting revved up because of Savage’s mean streak and ability to get under one’s skin. High cross-body by Steamboat gets two, shoulder blocks get two, they are cutting such a tremendous pace by fuckin fingers cant keep up with them. GO! GO! GO!

Macho Man breaks his momentum with a classic high-knee to the back. Savage thinks he sends him out but Steamboat skins the cat as the crowd pops. Savage clothesline him out to finish the job. The crowd is red-hot for such a large stadium crowd.

“You got to get up pretty early in the morning to outsmart the Macho Man” Jesse The Body. I am stealing that, don’t mind if I do.

The Animal goes to aid his incapacitated companion and Ventura has this quip, “There is the Animal, the Rhodes Scholar that he is, giving advice.” Jesse is on fiy-ah. Savage sneak attacks Steamboat with a huge high-knee that sends Steamboat over the guardrail. Jesse goes on a hilarious rant about the incompetence of the ref and the hypocrisy of Gorilla supporting the Animal’s help of the Dragon.  The Animal carries Steamboat back into the ring to avoid the countout. Savage sends him back to the outside to hit his double axe-handle on the outside. Savage breaks the count, then brings Stemaboat back in for a double axe-handle and a pin attempt. Gorilla says he snuck out the back door as Savage follows that up by dropping Steamboat throat first across the top rope. What a dastardly heel he is and Steamboat’s sell is beautiful. Gets a two. Atomic drop gets a two. Macho Man is throwing everything at him. Textbook suplex says Jesse gets only two. Gorilla says Steamboat’s resilience is “guts personified”. Savage hits a gutwrench suplex, my favorite type of suplex always looks nasty, and only gets two. Is Savage pulling a LeBrick? Yep still pissed. Jesse thinks it a slow-count. Steamboat gets a breather with a big back body drop that takes Macho Man to the outside. Well-executed rope a dope strategy by the Steamer here as Savage is exhausted from all the offense he has hit and Stemaboat is peaking at right time. Steamboat connects with a flying karate chop inside the ring on the Macho Man. It only gets two as Savage barley gets his foot on the ropes. I will be honest, the first time I watched this they got me with that false finish and by the sound of the crowd response they got about a 1/3 of the crowd too. False finishes are super sexy; I am a total sucker for them.

Now Steamboat is a house of fire with karate chops getting a series of two counts. What a pace!!! Sunset flip by Steamboat only gets two, Savage wildly misses and a Steamboat rollup gets two. A single sweep gets two, small package gets two, but crowd pops for it like a win. Good false finish. Catapult inot the corner, another jackknife pin gets two. Savage misses wildly again, victory roll by Steamboat, Savage reverses with a handful of tights, shades of the Tito match, GREAT FALSE FINISH! I knew the first time I watched already, who won, but had I not known it would have gotten me.  Savage with a great leverage move sends Steamboat crashing into the corner. Savage is a warrior. A reversal of Irish whips sends Steamboat crashing into the ref. Sitout clothesline and the BIG ELBOW~! BUT THERE IS NO REF!!! Savage tries to revive the ref. Then he is like fuck it, might as well grab the ring bell and really end this muthafucka’s career, but The Animal puts a stop to that by grabbing the bell. So Savage kicks him in the back of the head, which gives the Animal just cause to push Savage off the top and I think Savage’s head was supposed to ram the ring bell, but it didn’t look good. As Savage goes for a bodyslam, Steamboat had recovered enough to reverse it into a small package and the CROWD POPS!!!!

What else is there that needs to be said. It is an ultimate classic of wrestling canon. ***** Just go watch it.

Well, our hero does not take this lying down as he would move onto bigger and better things. OOOOOOOHHHHHH YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Macho Madness: The Macho Beginnings

Hey yo bromigoes and bromigas,

Goddamnit, Miami. Here I am preaching your Good Word and you make me look like a tool. Come on, Bron Bron and D-Wade, time to prove Love does conquer all, right? Right? RIGHT?

Bcuz we are just Too SWEEEEEET!

This one will be a bit shorter due to my other obligations as we hit the way-back machine all the way back to late 1985. Randy Savage is actually a second-generation wrestler as he is the son of Angelo Poffo, who has a brother, Lanny Poffo best known for his run as The Genius in the WWF. Poffo ran an outlaw territory in Tennessee that conflicted with the Lawler/Jarrett enterprise in Memphis. These promotions took bitter swipes at one another in what many believe to be a shoot. Savage, being the top dog in the ICW, actually would publically call out Jerry “The King Lawler (top star in the rival promotion) with some scathing remarks. In 1983, the Poffo promotion closed up shop and Savage was greeted with some unexpected good news, Lawler and Jarrett were willing to take him in and setup him as a top heel. Memphis Wrestling was one of the premiere promotions in the country at this point (this is before McMahon created the idea of the national promotion).

Savage was instantly programmed into a hot feud with top babyface, Jerry “the King” Lawler and the fans were out for his blood. The Macho Man and The King battled inside a steel cage in a match rated as highly as ****3/4, but I have only seen clipped version. Only in Memphis would a cage match end in DQ as another heel (Josh Le Duc) scaled this rickety cage to attack Lawler. Savage would team up with his brother Lanny to feud with the good ‘ol Southern boys, the Rock N Roll Express. Savage, apparently got nuclear heat when he piledrove the loveable Ricky Morton through a table. This was in 1984 and was among the first table spots and it was before people thought to pre-cut tables. Savage turned face at some point and feuded with likes of Rick Rude, before he was ravishing. By the time, summer of 1985 came around, Mr. McMahon came knocking at his doorstep to make him a top superstar in his great nationalization project for his WWF. Savage, again a heel, lost a Loser Leaves Town match against Lawler with a thrilling finish (they feigned a Savage victory and the place went nuclear).  Savage’s Wildman character-work was recognized quickly by McMahon as ground-breaking and within 6 months he was programmed to work with biggest superstar in the history of wrestling: Hulk Hogan.

Yes, explosion of the Mega-Powers and the love triangle with Elizabeth is the most memorable chapter of wrestling’s greatest frenemies, but 1985 marked the beginning. The Mecca of the WWF has always been Madison Square Garden (the WWF started off as the Northeast territory) and Hogan worked all the big names in the main event. For two years, McMahon plucked the greatest wrestlers across the world and fed them to his indestructible hero, The Immortal One. Savage proved an interesting threat to the reign of the Hulkster smaller than Big John Studd, King Kong Bundy, bigger than the incendiary “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, crazier than “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff, and more aerial than fellow crazy fucker Terry Funk. Plus he had someone in his corner that none of these competitors as he had the charming, lovely Miss Elizabeth. The incredible, volatile, yet productive relationship between these two revolutionized pro wrestling as Elizabeth essentially created a niche for women personalities in the product. So with that introduction we take a look at the first trilogy between the Macho Man and the Hulkster.

Look at those million dollar smiles

WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan vs Macho Man Randy Savage

December 1985 Madison Square Garden

Savage and Elizabeth are in matching blue and white sequins, but Savage throws it off with a pair of yellow shield sunglasses. I guess that foreshadows his wacky color combinations in the mid-90s. Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary. Real American hits and the crowd goes bananas. Hogan is the epitome of the 80s so cheesy, so shameless, just fun. This version of the WWF title looks like just another title, McMahon would a better job making his main title look unique on all iteration. Yes that is my nice way of complimenting the stupid-ass spinner belt. Savage jaws at Hogan because he is MACHO and FEARS NO MAN! Savage with an early posedown and Lord Alfred doesn’t get humor. Early establishment that Hogan is stronger than Savage. He blows a kiss at Liz. LOOK AT THOSE EYES AND SEE HOW THEY LUST!!!!

Savage in full Memphis heel mode looks to stall early on with lots of powdering out to the floor. Savage throws some furniture in the ring looking to psych out Hogan, but Lord Alfred doesn’t grasp this bit of psychology because he sucks. Savage gets his first bit of offense thanks to a thumb to the eye, but he misses a straddle on the ropes. Hogan pummels Savage with some power moves, an atomic drops catapults Savage out to the floor. Macho Man, living up to his name, hides behind Elizabeth and Hogan being the Paragon of Virtue he is returns to the ring. Hogan catches Savage off the top rop in mid-air and Lord Alfred is besides himself. Backbreaker and Savage goes back to the tried and true strategy of hiding behind Elizabeth. Savage gets caught jawing with a fan and Hogan attacks him from behind, but Savage gains control with a pair of double axe-handles, one onto the floor.  Savage now has total control using hit and run tactics. Savage, in Memphis heel form, plays a lot to the crowd. Hogan presses Savage off him and here comes the HULK-UP!!! HE FEELS NO PAIN!!! Big boot and Savage takes a powder, smart move. Hogan picks up Elizabeth and gently puts her down to get at the Macho Man. Hogan telegraphs the back body drop and Savage gets the adavantage to hit the big elbow. Macho Man is pissed because he got a close two. Hogan runs over the ref by accident and a high-knee to the back of Hogan’s head sends him crashing to the outside. So Savage gets the World Title and climbs to the top and smashes it over Hogan’s head. He revives the ref and helps him countout Hogan. The commentary team brow-beat the listener that Savage has not won the title because it a victory by countout. Savage decks the ref for trying to take belt from him. So he leaves the Garden with Hogan’s belt and Elizabeth over his shoulder like a true Macho Man.

This by the way is one of the ultra-rare Savage victories over the Hulkster as he would never beat Hogan by pinfall or submission. I liked this match a lot as an 80s match with lots of classic heap heel work by Savage. Hogan played his role well as the powerful champion trying to contend with Savage’s distractions and cheap-shots. Not enough action to make it a must-watch, but it is the first match between these two legends so I would give it a look-see. ***1/2

Classsic Picture of the Hulkster from 1986.

WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage

January 1986 Madison Square Garden

We hit the ground running as soon as Hogan slides into the ring Savage is on the attack laying the boots on him. Hidden highlight, Savage keeps on his impressive, blue sequined robe so as not to telegraph it to the Hulkster. Little things, people. A much smarter start to the match for Savage than the cocky posedown start, O God he is learning.  Mean Gene believes that Savage is Hogan’s toughest opponent yet. O THANK THE COMMENTATING GODS!!! JESSE THE BODY VENTURA IS HERE! After listening to Lord Alfred’s vapid musings this will be like water to my ears having spent a night in the desert.

Savage clobbers Hogan with a double axe-handle. Hogan still has belt on and Savage still has his shades on. Savage chokes Hogan with his own shirt, and now has the belt and beating the living hell out of Hogan. Gorilla and I are amazed at the incompetence of the ref, while Ventura is wringing his hands at the prospect of Hogan losing. Liz thinks Savage is going overboard, which causes him to measure her with his hand on her chin. The crowd has been bonkers. Hogan gets his energy back and takes over on Savage with power moves and a “sucker-puncher” according to Jesse. Hogan is now wearing the Macho Man’s shades and mocking Savage’s crazy antics to the delight of the crowd.  After an oversell of the atomic drop onto the outside, Hogan rams Savage head-first into the steel ring post and Jesse demands a disqualification. Savage is busted wide open.  Gorilla points out the earlier leniency of the ref and now he should be fair. Gorilla and Jesse were so good together plus I love how Jesse says “Gorilla”. All Hulkster with punches on the outside to the Macho Man and throws him back in. Savage’s selling is a thing of beauty. His bumping for Hogan makes Hogan look like a Superman. We have a five-alarm bladejob as Savage’s blood is all over Hogan’s chest. Ventura is pissy about Hogan’s choking. Elizabeth distracts Hogan long enough for Savage to take control. He sends Hogan shoulder first into the ringpost and then comes off the top onto Hogan with a double axe-handle. Now another but inside the ring and follows it up with a big elbow. RUH ROH!!! HULK-UP!!!! HE FEELS NO PAIN!!!! Hogan clobbers Savage with a huge clothesline in the corner and Savage is on spaghetti legs. BIG BOOT! Ventura wants a ref stoppage and Gorilla notes that this ref blows because he has not insomuch as checked on Savage’s cut.

Hogan hoists Savage up onto his shoulder to attempt another head-first ram into the steel ring post. This time Elizabeth is there to stop him from doing. He turns around and Liz makes haste to the other post. Savage is able to slide down his back and send him into the post. Savage beats out the ref’s count and declares Macho Man the winner, which was confusing because this was the suckiest ref ever and no one heard or saw a count.

Hogan, a sore loser, attacks Savage after the match with a bear-hug slam. Ventura points out the hypocrisy of Hogan abusing Savage after the bell. While the wrestlers are separating the, Savage gets a cheap-shot in, which Ventura rightfully defends. Ventura points out this is two victories in a row for the Macho Man albeit by countout, which just demonstrates that Hogan has a yellow-streak a mile wide and was afraid of losing his title to Savage. Loved this match, a bit on the short side. Savage’s bladejob was brutal and his bumping made Hogan look like a million bucks No wonder Hogan preferred working with him rather than the immobile Bundy. Hogan had his working boots on tonight, too short to be truly spectacular. ***1/2.
Next up is the big blowoff match between the Hulkster and the Macho Man at Madison Square Garden for the WWF World Title in a lumberjack match. Hogan you will have nowhere to run and hide now. In the meantime, Savage has won the Intercontinental Championship from Tito Santana more on that later.

See always told everyone that animal-print is MACHO~! Haters bite me!

WWF World Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage – Lumberjack Match

February 1986 Madison Square Garden
The quality sucks a bit on this one, but beggars cant be choosers. Savage and Liz are celebrating Halloween early with matching orange and black outfits. Fuck. Lord Alfred is on commentary. Gorilla mentions he stole the title from Tito. Hogan busts out his alternate blue/white uniform for this special blowoff match. The commenters mention that Bundy had injured his ribs the previous week. This time around, Hogan is the one who attack from behind. We get a slugfest to start and Hogan wins. Now he is cracking the belt over the Savage’s head blatantly in front of the ref, this time not drawing the ire of Gorilla. Hypocrite. Hogan goes for the usual atomic drop spot, but surprises me with a belly-to-back suplex. You are a sly bear, Hulkster. Hogan sends Savage to be among the lumberjacks.  Hogan goes out to beat on Savage running the point of the match. Now Hogan lifts him up by the throat choking him and now we hit the bearhug. He sends him crashing into the corner. It has been all Hogan and we get the atomic drop. A heel trips Hogan and he goes out there and gives them the business. The commentators puts over his guts going into the lion’s den.  This affords Savage the opportunity to recover and a double axe-handle onto the ribs garners Macho Man a two-count. Savage wisely sends Hogan to the wolves and they attack Hogan punctuated by Bundy crushing Hogan against the steel ring post. Savage is like fuck it, why don’t you guys just finish him. Bundy does it again for Savage with pleasure. Macho Man connects with another double axe-handle on the ribs and a sitout clothesline by Savage. However, Macho Man can only get two-counts. Now, Savage exposes the ribs and hits him with another double axe-handle and another two-count. The crowd is coming alive for Hogan as they sense his desperate situation. Yet another double axe-handle onto the exposed ribs and Savage cant control Hogan to gain the pinfall. THE BIG ELBOW~! HIUGE KICK-OUT!!! THE COCAINE IS KICKING IN NOW!!! HULK-UP!!! Hogan no-sells an eye-rake. A fucking douchebag babyface (that idiot George "The Animal" Steele) trips Savage into the leg drop and Hogan gets the win. Hogan was such a spaz.

Great match again, but instead of a violent bloody brawl, they did an excellent Hogan match where he had to overcome tremendous odd. However, Savage needed to vary his offense and do more interesting character work on his heat segment.  I am going with ***.

Sorry HonkyTonk Man, this guy was a greater I-C Champion. 

While Savage lost his big blowoff, he did win the Intercontinental title (the secondary title in the WWF, a sort of stepping stone to the World Title) from Tito Santana at the Boston Garden (hometown pop). Here we go:

WWF Intercontinental Champion Tito Santana vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage
February 1986 Boston Garden

DVD Quality and Jesse Ventura on commentary, I am halfway to Heaven. I love the old-school setup on the parquet floor with no paddings. Savage and Liz are met by catcalls and boos. Santana was pretty over with the Boston crowd. Tito, who had been pissed at Savage, throws his shirt at the Macho Man. Savage does have an amazing ability to get under someone’s skin. Ventura says he would pay to see this match. I have watched this many a time and I do love it. Away we go as Savage designates where Liz should stand.

Tito wins the first lock-up. The collar elbow tie-up is a stalemate. They do some standing amateur wrestling, Savage gets to the ropes and do some cheap heat tactics with the front row. Gorilla puts over Savage’s character as a jealous boyfriend. Savage gets the first strike in on Tito, Gorilla suspects a thumb to the eye. Savage jaws with some more fans and Chico (Jesse’s name for Tito) seeks out Savage. Big shot off the top for Santana, Savage turns it into a track meet, but as Chico gives chase, Savage has the opportunity to waffle him.  Big atomic drop for Tito, but Savage’s foot was in the ropes. Eye-rake gives Savage the advantage and Gorilla reminds us that Savage has to beat Tito. Sitout clothesline gets only a two-count and Savage is shocked and frustrated. Savage perched up high connects with a double axe-handle. Gorilla critiques Savage’s cover and the fans gets behind Santana with Tito chants.  Savage delivers a double axe-handle onto the floor onto Santana. Ventura is worried that Savage may turn to get himself intentionally disqualified to preserve his belt. Santana takes advantage with strikes and gets his a second-rope flying elbow to the head of Macho Man. Savage’s foot was on the rope. Ventura sends “Unbelievable”, which always makes me giggle. Seriously when he says “Unbelievable “ it is the coolest thing ever. I tweeted about it once.  No retweets. Bo. *tear*

Tito runs into a knee into the corner and Savage only gets a two-count, but he presses Savage onto the ref. Santana gets a small package on Savage, but the ref is groggy.  Savage wrecks his knee on a missed knee-drop. Chico is going after the leg like a shark says Jesse and Tito slaps on the figure 4 leglock in the center of the ring. Savage reverses the pressure and makes the ropes. Gorilla commends Savage on his intestinal fortitude. Savage looks for something in his tights, but Chico suplexes him back into the ring. Santana looks for the Figure 4, but Macho Man kicks him off. Savage back on the apron fishes in his tights for a foreign object. He swings and misses and as Chico belly-to-back suplexes into the ring, Savage WAFFLE-LEGS HIM!!! The pin is academic and Savage is your NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!!!

“You gotta call it brilliant, Gorilla” – Jesse. Great, athletic encounter from two of the workhorses of this era. I think more near falls for Tito would have helped the drama of this match, maybe more work on Savage’s leg. I never really popped out of my seat thinking “Oh damn, I thought for sure that was the finish.” Add some false finishes and a better heat segment and you have a classic. As it stands, ***1/2.

Next we look at the matches that made the Macho Man one of the greatest I-C Champions of all-time during his over one-year title reign. The climax will of course be against Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat at Wrestlemania III in front of 93,000 people in what some herald as the greatest match in history.