#8 Poison - Look What The Cat Dragged In: CC Pick Up That Guitar And Talk To Me

ROCKTOBERFEST: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#8 Poison - Look What the Cat Dragged In (Released 1986) 3x Platinum, #3 Billboard 200

Bret Michaels (Silly-string! Chicks DIG silly-string!) - Vocals

C.C. Deville (Chicks DIG scarves, big hair and silly-string)  - Lead Guitar

Bobby Dall (No. 1 Bad Boy, I smoke cigs and spray silly-string into the audience) - Bass

Rikki Rockett (I want to see Tommy Lee drum standing! Silly-string standing up) - Drums

CC Pick-Up That Guitar And Talk To Me:

This man was nailing Pam Anderson at the height of her hotness. Pass the lipstick!

Glam Metal is the synthesis of glam rock, heavy metal, punk rock and blues-rock. Each band chooses to emphasis a distinct facet of glam metal to create their own distinct lending glam metal a dynamism that many genres are left bereft from their limitations. Poison, in my opinion, especially on their energetic debut, Look What the Cat Dragged In is the best average of these four disparate musical philosophies. Blues-rock is a rather minor contributor to the glam metal scene and Poison would not incorporate it until their next album (Open Up and Say Ahhh!), but the other influences are apparent in Poison's surprisingly raw, powerful and of course sleazy debut. The punk shines through the simple, raw, and unpolished riff-age that is produced on a shoe-string budget. Sonically, this is Poison's roughest albums with gang-barks rather than the polished, layered Def Lep gang-vocals. The chorus are reflective of the First-Wave glam metal instead of huge, pop choruses they utilize catchy shout-alongs with the lead vocal fills in between the hooks. The heavy metal is displayed on the flashy shred guitar solos performed by C.C. Deville, who emphasizes style over substance and the glam aesthetic of guitar squealing. Glam rock holds this chaotic mess with the strong ideal of creating repetitive and digestible songs. This guided Poison to the heights of metal superstardom of 1980's because they focused on what makes glam metal work: the hooks and that is what glam rock laid down for them.

I want that jackett OOOO soooo baddddd! Note the superfluous letters. That is how badddd I wantttt itttt. 

Of course, glam metal is the ultimate audio-visual genre and Poison took the image to whole new level in 1986. In 1985, Motley Crue debuted their Theatre of Pain outfits, which showed even the most garish-obsessed Sunset Strip hooker. In 1986, Poison, with their love for British glam rock were dead-set on topping Crue. Their look was a departure from the androgyny of Bowie in favor of dressing as their favorite pets: the very women they lived off of. They collected jewelry, accessories, women's clothing and of course hair-spray from their flavors of the month. The effect was to create one of the most effeminate images in glam metal and the most effeminate image from glam metal to actually cross over into the mainstream.  They looked like the ultimate party-band and had the songs to match. Their debut album beat out the Crue's (leaders of the glam metal) Theatre of Pain. They blew Ratt off the stage in terms of energy and crowd response. I am with you, brutha, what the fuck was this crowd on, friggin Ratt is way better than Poison. Ratt fired them as their opening act only to have re-hire them because Poison was the actual draw for ticket sales. They were hyper-sexual, a bit vapid, but incredibly, contagiously fun. I have always liked the Bret Michaels quote, "When you are putting out that much positive energy, there is going to be backlash." If they stuck to being rockstars, he would not deserve his current backlash.

Who does a guy going to have bang for his new shade of lipgloss?

So you have a song called Look What The Cat Dragged In and you dont lead off with it, welcome to the world of Bret Michaels. Though they did open their concert this past summer with it and was my favorite part of their set. There is a good reason for this. It is without a doubt, the HEAVIEST thing Poison ever produced and one of my all-time favorite songs. If all their songs sounded like this, Poison would easily rival Crue and Ratt as one of the best glam metal bands of all-time. Just a very bottom-heavy slab of metal with a great riff, that is as powerful as it is cool that serves as the fill in between lyrics. Bret Michaels sound on top form here sneering his way through some of the sleaziest lyrics: "I got a girl on the left on me, a girl on the right. I know damn well slept with both last night." The chorus is an irresistibly catchy gang-shout over the top of that ferocious riff.   Michaels almost purring "Sin after sin" notifies that smokin solo is up next and CC doesnt disappoint with one of his fastest and  entertaining solos. Look What the Cat Dragged In  is everything a glam metal song should set out to accomplish.

"I WANT ACTION TONIGHT, SATISFACTION ALL NIGHT!" is the opening hook on the single, "I Want Action". The song makes use of Rikki's bouncy drumming and swinging rhythm section that controls the song while CC plays a disjointed riff, which comes together upon each chorus. Michaels sings some of the most ludicrous lyrics in glam metal lyrics. The beginning is just plain dumb, that gets kinda rape-y ("If I can t have her. I will take her and make her.") before finishing  with the fun chorus. I am a sucker for the gang-chorus and then lead vocalist fills. Poison's Blame It On You does an even better job of this. This song also features the Van Halen trademark of the spoken-word skit/breakdown in the middle of the song.  One of the better singles off the album.

Play Dirty finds Poison at their toughest and debunking the myth that is a castrated pop band. At one point, Poison was actually  a metal band and this is a good metal song. The song begins with the attack of the guitar riff before Bret Michaels settles into signature, cool sneer. The riff is blasted into the head of the listener with few lead fills until the end, thus it is left to Michaels and the rhythm section to ensure the song never tires. Dall's well-timed bass line keeps the song sonically varied. The verses keep the listener intrigued until the one of better glam-styled choruses on the album hit.  With Michaels goes back to a purr as he says "Act tough." almost mocking the hyper-masculine culture of thrash metal, which leads into a drum solo. Drum solos are few and far between in glam metal and here's the shred-tastic solo, which CC follows with a shredding outro. This song demonstrates how to perfectly execute a song with one riff and keep the listener entranced.

Finally, the song that Poison into a household name and the symbol of glam metal, a superb work of art: Talk Dirty To Me. If Def Lep wanted to establish that they do indeed rock then Poison wanted everyone to know they are dirty. There is something about Michaels' vocal lines that always cause them to get impossibly stuck in my head. I think it only took 3 listens to this song before I knew every word. I think this also has to do with the fact that Michaels has among the best phrasing of any rock/metal singer I have ever heard. I almost always can understand him. This song also contains one of the all-time great vanity lyrics. "I know you can not wait. I would wait to see me too" The main riff always struck me as something out of a Ramones album, just a real simple buzzsaw riff that carries the song. The hook riff, heard at the beginning and during the chorus, seemed like the hook from a Sex Pistols song. The rhythm section is undeniably metallic very similar to Kiss. While Bret and his vocal lines have their origins in glam rock. Talk Dirty To Me may be the most glam metal, glam metal song as it is a perfect confluence of all its influences. Not to mention it is easily one of the best songs of all-time. I want you to tell me with a straight face that chorus doesnt want to make you party. Then when Bret exclaims "CC pick up that guitar and talk to me", I want you to tell me that isnt one of the best hooks of all-time. The solo is typical CC flash, but for a whole new audience in 1986 this song must have sounded like sex for your ears. I think that is what Poison was going for.

Most people associate Poison with anthemtic, vapid party metal. Well on their debut album they add a rawer, dirtier, sleazier twist that should be checked out at least once. This is Poison at their sleaziest before Bret decided to let all the criticism get to him and write "heart-felt" shit like "Something To Believe In". If you like hook-y, fun rock n roll than this is the best Poison offering. Excuse me, I have the urge now to play in silly-string. (see video below!) The fact that the lead single was called Cry Tough is just one of the most glam things ever! EVAH~!

#9 Def Leppard - Pyromania: I WANNA TOUCH YOU!

Rocktoberfest: A Most Excellent Countdown of the 31 Most Bitchin Glam Metal Albums

#9 Def Leppard - Pyromania (Released 1983) 10x Platinum #2 Billboard Album Charts

Joe Elliot (Yes kids, he used to have brown hair) - Vocals

Phil Collen (Yes kids, he used to shred) - Lead Guitar

"Steamin" Steve Clark (Yes kids, he used to be alive, RIP Steve) - Rhythm Guitar

Rick Savage (Yes kids, his rockstar look used to be en vogue) - Bass

Rick Allen (Yes kids, he used to have two arms) - Drums

I WANNA TOUCH YOU!

Is the scream heard towards the end of Def Leppard's transcending, mega-hit "Photograph", a line that my entire family loves to belt out. Def Leppard, Van Halen and Scorpions represent the three compromise bands that my family can always agree to listen to on road trips and the album, Pyromania by Def Leppard has the most hits that all my family loves.

I WANNA TOUCH YOU!
How many of you clicked because of this? Be honest. O your hand is busy. I understand.

Coming off the mild success of High N Dry, Def Leppard remained steadfast in their goal of breaking into America, something no other New Wave of British Heavy Metal band had succeeded in doing (only Iron Maiden would also achieve that feat. I do not consider Judas Priest and Motorhead as NWOBHM, but American success also extended to them.) Def Leppard began as a NWOBHM band with the hard and fast debut, On Through The Night. They retained the aggression and metallic playing on their more commercially palatable offering, High N Dry. In recent years, High N Dry has become one of my favorite albums of all time, just a real smoke-show, barn-burner. Def Lep sought for even a slicker sound and called upon producer, Mutt Lange. Lange had just produced AC/DC's mega-hit Back In Black and demonstrated how to do a tough hard rock album with big balls and still have it sell. Thus Pyromania represents the culmination of Def Leppard as a heavy metal band with the muscular riffs of a metal band, but with the glossy production for the album to eventually go Diamond. Def Leppard is one of the few bands in the world with TWO Diamond albums and how are they NOT in the Hall of Fame. After this Def Lep, would take the production to whole new heights with the bit too-poppy Hysteria, but on Pyromania Def Lep strikes a perfect balance between metal and production.

This was also, Collen's first album with the band as the more metal-oriented Pete Willis was fired due to drug problems. Collen's background was in a British glam rock group, Girl with Phil Lewis, who later joined L.A. Guns as their lead vocalist. Collen is not a shredder, he plays very sugary, compact melodic solos, occasionally he will shred on this album, but by Hysteria the shredding has been removed from the arsenal. I always find the solos and riffs I really like from Def Leppard usually come from Steamin Steve. Also, this album marked the beginning of Def Lep's trademarked hyper-harmonized, multi-layered gang-vocals.

Always knew we were a shoe-in to win the American Revolution

Rock of Ages, one of the most famous songs in Def Lep's cannon, is probably the first metal song I ever heard (it was either this or Runnin With The Devil). The intro is so iconic, The Offspring ripped it for their song, Pretty Fly for A White Guy. The cowbell, the driving riff, the HUGE chorus of "Rock of Ages" are all great riffs. They pale in comparison to one of my favorite hooks of all-time the call-response of "What do you want"/ "I want rock n roll". Remember when songs had more than one hook. I know HOLY SHIT!!!

Rock Rock Til You Drop, harkens back to the old days of NWOBHM with that livewire circular riff that just doesnt let-up and instantly becomes ensnared in your brain. Yes, Def Leppard really likes songs with rock in them, just in case anyone forgot they were a rock band. Elliot's devotion to the phrase "Come On" is not as fervent as it would become on Hysteria.  I have always loved the chorus of "Rock Rock Til You Drop! Rock Rock Never Stop!". One of the best solos in Steamin Steve's repertoire leading into a brilliant bridge from Joe Elliot. Is their a better genre at doing the bridge than glam metal? If so, I think someone's nose is growing.

Foolin',  is my brother's favorite Def Leppard song and is definitely in my top 5 (picking between Def Leppard songs is like picking between ice cream flavors just can't be done by intelligent beings). Of the songs of this album it is their best from a technical and emotional perspective. The acoustic intro with Elliot in his high-pitch, desperate crooning, I loves me some crooning. Then they hit you over the head with a bone-crushing, head-banger of a riff, but balance it with those sugary, multi-layered vocals. Fuckin Genius. Then it is time for the drums to dominate in the bridge before bringing in the cowbell and the chugging riff for the HUGE chorus. The dynamics in this song are perfectly executed. Like I was saying remember when songs had multiple hooks? Probably not because you were born in the late 80's like me.

We wrap up this review with the song that transformed Def Lep from a NWOBHM band into one of the biggest bands to ever melt faces and moisten panties on this planet: Photograph. Not even that bimbo, Taylor Swift could ruin this masterpiece. Everything about this song just works. It is a pop metal song about London's Photograph killer, but sounds like a hard rock love song. It is the perfect confluence of might and beauty with that signature metal riff balanced by the melodic signature vocals. The cowbell signaling the beginning of the pre-chorus is one of my favorite metal hooks. The rhythm riff that is played over on loop one of the most recognizable riffs of all time and so elegant in its simplicity. This solo in this song demonstrates Collen's best solo that fits so well with the rest of the song structure. The song is punctuated by the powerful shout of "I WANNA TOUCH YOU!" before revving back into the outro.

Pyromania was not the commercial peak of Def Leppard that would come with the glossy Hysteria, but for my money this is the peak of Def Leppard's metal prowess, which culminated after three albums. Def Leppard remains one of my all-time bands and their albums are diverse ranging from NWOBHM to pop metal and thus their albums are essential for any 80's metalhead's cache.

I Am My Own Best Friend

Tradition is stagnant. It is safe. We are inertial beings. Individuals are dynamic, even volatile. Individuals are dangerous. Individuals are the spring of progress and inspiration.

Yep, I just got sprung.

From W. Bruce Lincoln's Romanovs: Autocrats of All The Russias:

"One of the most dramatic distinctions between these two cultures was that Russia' peasant society was communal, while the world of the nobles was individualistic. The emergence of individualism in Russia was a direct consequence of Peter The Geat's turn to the West for, until his reign, Muscovite noblemen had been governed by group loyalties and clan ties. Long before Peter's time, Europeans had abandoned the medieval ideal of a static world order in which tradition held unchallenged  sway and the notion of progress was virtually nonexistent. The triumph of reason, as expressed in Descartes's axiom, "I think, therefore I am," meant that the individual came to reign supreme in the minds of Europeans. All the achievements of the  Age of Exploration, all the discoveries of science in the seventeenth century, all the new patterns of entrepreneurship established by Europe's industrious and venturesome merchants, all the thought of the Age of Reason and afterward--all were the products of the critically thinking individual's triumph over medieval groups that had functioned according to the dictates of tradition. Peter wanted his nobles to function as individuals and to possess all the characteristics of their individualistic European counterparts: energetic behavior, a belief in progress, and unlimited creativity. Thus he established the principle that men would rise as a result of merit, not birth, and he rewarded men for what they did, not for what family they came from. He decreed that men could gainn noble status through meritorious service to the state. and he institutionalized that principle in the Table of Ranks in 1722. As Marc Raeff once wrote, "The merit clause of the Table of Ranks provided both the stimulus and the foundation for the development of individualism [in Russia]."
 

When I first read this passage, it rejuvenated my own belief in myself and my ethics. The individual is the greatest achievement of the human race. Its power is eroded and can even be effaced by an indoctrination from society to behave according to certain entrenched mores. Threatened by being declared persona non grata in society, to be ostracized, the individual adopts someone's else vision of reality. One that is an artificial and obliterates their sense of self. Society should NOT be one size fits all.

The Bastion of Change, The Bronze Horseman

My fantasy world is one where individuals reject the seductive notion of collectivism in favor of striking out on their own with "energetic behavior, a belief in progress and unlimited creativity".

We attempt to best respond to one another, but the inherent uncertainty of the other person's decisions introduces risk and fear into our lives. We process each new piece of information to re-evaluate our stance on people and ideas. There are no new pieces to a tradition. It exists in a vacuum as a refuge from critical individual thought. There is no progress in tradition, but there is power. (Hey, I am a Catholic, come on what did you expect me to totally shit on tradition? Awwww Hell no!)

So in this New Year take up the age-old tradition of making a resolution. But I implore do not JUST declare a superficial resolution. Make a resolution to be a critically thinking individual and to constantly perform self-assessment. Ask yourself why you like certain things? Why do you like this person? This particular tradition? This TV show? This music? Assess yourself in different roles in society. How can you improve yourself? Your inner circle of family and friends? Society? What is my belief system? Is it fully integrated?

My truths are an unabashed sense of individualism (from within), a relentless disposition of optimism (from my mother), and a indefatigable resolve to succeed as a positively contributing member of society (from my father).

What are your truths? (Tony Robbins eat your heart out!)